But my pesky mental condition wouldn’t let me sit still.  I was growing increasingly paranoid—I kept getting from my book and looking at the Blazer to make sure no one had stolen my luggage out of it.  Why I was worried about it when I had come down there to kill myself, I’ll never know.  But I was, and I checked on the Blazer every fifteen minutes or so.

Finally I gave up on reading and decided to drop by a Kinko’s Copy Shop I had seen in town to see if I could get internet access there.  Again, I don’t know why I was worried about checking my messages, but I was.  I reluctantly ran my credit card and tried to log in but was getting increasingly frustrated with the place.

What I didn’t know was as soon as I ran the card, the Brandon Police picked up my location.  They tried to get local law enforcement to pick me up at Kinko’s, but I left before they were able to mobilize anyone.  By this time, the police had spoken to my psychiatrist, who obviously had said something to motivate them to find me.  Typically a missing person report isn’t acted on for twenty-four hours, but I believe Dr. Bishop had impressed on them how dangerous I might be to myself and got them interested in finding me as soon as possible.  Now the Covington police and the county sheriff were alerted to be on the lookout for me as well.

I went and ate lunch at McAlister’s, a southern deli chain that had been founded in the college town I went to Mississippi State University at.  I don’t remember exactly what I ordered—likely it was one of their soups.  My memory starts to get fuzzy here—again, I was increasingly paranoid and ready to get to my hotel room and get some rest before I was resolved to kill myself.  I think I was hoping I could just go to sleep and not wake up, sparing everyone the messiness of my having to shoot myself instead. I do remember seeing a sheriff’s car at the restaurant and becoming paranoid that the police were looking for me.  What I didn’t know was that it was the truth—but they missed me again as I left and went to the hotel I had selected.

I went to the hotel and asked them about lobby wifi access.  They told me internet was free with my room but would cost from the lobby.  I asked if they happened to have the room ready, and after checking with housekeeping, they said they did.  I paid them $200 cash for two nights and went up to the room with my suitcases.

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