The Conversation

I very nearly broke down but didn’t.  Bob looked hurt and scared.  I had never dreamed that his friend would figure out who I was.  I said, “I can’t tell you or I really will have to kill myself.”

I sat down in his lap and cried.    We talked on and on.  I finally told him the whole story.  He kept asking questions, and I answered them as best as I could.  I told him his friend had not done anything to get me hooked on him, that it was all in my head and his friend had never been anything but nice to me.  I said I had tried and tried to make it stop but I couldn’t.  I told Bob I loved him and never wanted him to know because I didn’t want to hurt him.  And I cried and cried.

Bob asked me if I needed to go to the hospital.  The suicidal thoughts had returned full force, so I said yes.  We called the hotline and did not get an answer.  While we waited, I sat in Bob’s lap and cried, with him doing nothing but holding me.  He didn’t seem angry, just hurt and scared.  After I was all cried out, I got up and stated fixing dinner.  We fed the kids and watched TV with them until it was time for them to go to bed.

The hospital finally called back.  By that time, I thought maybe Bob was going to be all right; I thought I had said the right things to him to reassure him that the feelings for this person didn’t have anything to do with him or anything he had done.  He was acting very concerned about me, and I thought maybe I was going to be all right.  So I didn’t go into the hospital

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