Well. That Was Interesting. . .

I almost went into the hospital Wednesday.

I woke up feeling as manic as I ever have.  It had been building ever since my episode in the ER where I stayed up so late.  I tried calling my doctor to get in to see him, but they said they were full up and could not see me until the next Tuesday.  I didn’t want to give this feeling that long to escalate.

I was pacing around like a cat on amphetamines.  My mind was spinning around in a thousand different directions.  Between Sunday and Wednesday, I had found out one friend of mine was getting divorced and another had been diagnosed with cancer.  I couldn’t get that out of my head in relation to Bob; i.e. that I could lose him either way as well.  I put a dent in my lovely little new car trying to park it in the garage too quickly. I was short with my kids and very, very paranoid about how I was feeling.

My doctor’s office finally told me to go to the behavioral health center and get an evaluation.  I was going to go by myself with bags packed to stay, but Bob wanted to go with me so I wouldn’t wreck the car further.  So we went.

I saw the intake counselor and the doctor on duty.  I poured out how I was feeling and couldn’t seem to stop talking,.  I had however, taken an extra Klonopin before we left so that I was not pacing around the room.  Bob filled in the details when I got ahead of myself. The counselor was particularly interested in if I was a danger to myself or others, and I emphatically said I did not believe so–yet.  I had never had a pure manic episode (where I was not also suicidal,) so what I was feeling was brand new to me.

She went out to call my doctor, and lo and behold, he suddenly had time to see me himself.  Which was what I had wanted in the first place. So we truck across the street to his office and wait.

After retelling the story to him, he decided I was heading for something interesting and rejiggered my meds.  He upped my Abilify and Klonopin, dropped down my Pristiq, and told me to come back in a week.  So that is where I now stand. The rest of the day was touch and go because I could not increase the Abilify until nighttime. Yesterday I was better, and today the thoughts have calmed down considerably.  But it was a scary, scary bit before the meds kicked in with any kind of relief.

Unfortunately, that’s the kind of thing you have to watch for in bipolar disorder.  SO I did not stay up to watch the new year ring in, I went to bed at a reasonable hour and have lived to tell about it.

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8 thoughts on “Well. That Was Interesting. . .

  1. My heart just goes out to you. This is so hard to contend with. I guess you could say I’m fortunate in that I lean heavily toward the depressive side of bipolar, almost to the point of being unipolar. I rarely get manic such as you describe it. Racing thoughts–yes. But only a few hours at a time. Unable to sleep because the brain chatter won’t shut up– yes. Paranoid–yes, but only a few minutes. Back when I was in my teens and 20’s, it translated into unreasonable anger. Bursts. They didn’t last long either. But depression–my episodes are capable of lasting for months, even years, with a few bright spots within the clouds. I’m always fascinated by how very different bipolar can be from one individual to the next.

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  2. I feel on a much more even keel now–but I’m still waiting this out until I go back and see Dr. Bishop in a week. I can still tell I’m a little off because my typing is ahead of my thoughts. 🙂 I’m having to go back and do a lot of corrections. But keep thinking about me and my family as I count down to trying to teach again on January 12.

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  3. I’m finally checking out your blog, Julie. I wish I’d read it sooner. I’m sorry you’ve had such difficulty recently but happy for you that you didn’t have to be in the hospital. Looking forward to seeing you.

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