I almost went into the hospital Wednesday.
I woke up feeling as manic as I ever have. It had been building ever since my episode in the ER where I stayed up so late. I tried calling my doctor to get in to see him, but they said they were full up and could not see me until the next Tuesday. I didn’t want to give this feeling that long to escalate.
I was pacing around like a cat on amphetamines. My mind was spinning around in a thousand different directions. Between Sunday and Wednesday, I had found out one friend of mine was getting divorced and another had been diagnosed with cancer. I couldn’t get that out of my head in relation to Bob; i.e. that I could lose him either way as well. I put a dent in my lovely little new car trying to park it in the garage too quickly. I was short with my kids and very, very paranoid about how I was feeling.
My doctor’s office finally told me to go to the behavioral health center and get an evaluation. I was going to go by myself with bags packed to stay, but Bob wanted to go with me so I wouldn’t wreck the car further. So we went.
I saw the intake counselor and the doctor on duty. I poured out how I was feeling and couldn’t seem to stop talking,. I had however, taken an extra Klonopin before we left so that I was not pacing around the room. Bob filled in the details when I got ahead of myself. The counselor was particularly interested in if I was a danger to myself or others, and I emphatically said I did not believe so–yet. I had never had a pure manic episode (where I was not also suicidal,) so what I was feeling was brand new to me.
She went out to call my doctor, and lo and behold, he suddenly had time to see me himself. Which was what I had wanted in the first place. So we truck across the street to his office and wait.
After retelling the story to him, he decided I was heading for something interesting and rejiggered my meds. He upped my Abilify and Klonopin, dropped down my Pristiq, and told me to come back in a week. So that is where I now stand. The rest of the day was touch and go because I could not increase the Abilify until nighttime. Yesterday I was better, and today the thoughts have calmed down considerably. But it was a scary, scary bit before the meds kicked in with any kind of relief.
Unfortunately, that’s the kind of thing you have to watch for in bipolar disorder. SO I did not stay up to watch the new year ring in, I went to bed at a reasonable hour and have lived to tell about it.