I hope each and every one of you are able to enjoy Valentine’s Day today. It’s hard for us to enjoy it in our house because it always marks the beginning of my dangerous period during the year. I have a weird variant of seasonal affective disorder in that once the sun comes out, I tend to go into an episode of some kind. Typically it’s depressive or mixed. I’ll have some manic symptoms (obsessions, etc) and some depressive symptoms (usually excessive sleepiness or suicidal thinking) I’m typically on high alert until Mother’s Day, when the symptoms seem to abate. I’ve spent Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Mother’s Day in the hospital at various times.
I’m sorry to put a damper on all the happiness going around. I love my husband and I love my kids and I hate what the holiday has become in our house. I can feel some depression coming on already, but all I can do is pray my way through it. I’ve already had my medicine jiggered so much lately that I’m scared to try anything new for fear it will send me in the opposite direction where I was between Christmas and New Year’s. It’s hard to believe that was almost two months ago.
Please pray for me as I start this time in this year. It’s always dangerous–last year I had a depressive episode that began in March and ended in May but with two crucial differences: I was not suicidal, and I managed to function my way through it. Pray that if it falls on me again that I am able to push my way through it and come out the other side stronger than before. Thanks.