Archive | May 2015

Loose Ends

I have a student challenging her final grade out of my composition class this spring.  She claims she never saw a paper I gave her an F on.  Trouble is, that paper was turned in with all the others of that assignment to higher-ups for review and safekeeping–and I don’t really know how to get hold of it to prove to her that she made an F.  I’ve written the official I sent it to over email and asked that she pull it and send it to my department head, but I don’t even know if that’s possible.  We will have to see.  The girl is very VERY upset she made a C on the class, and I don’t really know what I can do to help her since I feel like she deserved the grade she got.

I’ve dumped it into my department head’s lap and hopefully if the girl wants to discuss it further, I can stay out of it since I resigned.  But we will see what happens.  I really try to not let my personal feelings affect how I handle students because with the bipolar, it’s hard to rely on my emotions, but she was VERY rude in her last email and that doesn’t make me inclined to cut her any kind of break.

Well, We’ll See.

Just found out that I’m not the one selected to be in the Woman’s Day article about suicide and reaching out to others with mental disorders.  But the writer said she loved my story and would try to pitch it to another outlet, so there may be hope yet.  I’ll just have to chalk it up to not being God’s will as of yet.  So we will see.

My oldest is going on a job interview this afternoon for a summer job at a local restaurant.  I hope this one comes through.  She could use the money and she needs something to keep her occupied during the day.  She’s taking another summer class, but it’s online and goes for the full summer term so it should not keep her as busy as she needs to be.  She had a quick interview with another local eatery a few weeks ago and never heard anything back, so we assume that fell through. So we will pray that she can have an opening here–it’s owned by good Christian people who aren’t open on Sunday, so she’s excited about that.

Not much else to report–we’re having The Boyfriend over on Sunday, which doesn’t give me much time to clean up.  But we’ll manage it.  Menu’s changed to steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, and rolls since we’re having burgers and fries tonight.  I’m looking forward to it–we have her friends over a lot so it’s not unusual to have teenagers hanging around.  But this time’ll be a little different I think.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

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Wondering When to Tell

My middle daughter has been asked out on her first date since she became old enough to date.  The young man has agreed to our first condition, which is that the first date be dinner at our house so we can size him up.  We’re looking at something very simple and all-American–burgers, fries, green beans, and dessert.  I have to get the public areas of the house cleaned up and neatened for company.  And although he’d never admit it, both my husband and I are scared to death.  🙂  We don’t want to scare the boy (well, my husband might, just a little) and upset our daughter.  And I am trying to figure out how to be myself without being as bipolar as usual.

I don’t know what she’s told him about my condition.  Knowing her, she hasn’t mentioned it.  She doesn’t like talking about it, to me or anyone else.  I know I probably shouldn’t mention it either.  That’s her relationship and what she tells him is her business.  We don’t know how serious they are–they met at church about a month or so ago and have been talking for a while.  She told us that he asked her to date him and asked  us if that was okay.  So here we are.  We didn’t go through this with our oldest since she didn’t date in high school.  So we will see how this works.  Pray for all of us as we sort through this particular bit of uncharted territory. 🙂

Waiting Time

So my department head called today to confirm I wasn’t returning to teach this fall.  She said she was finding people to cover my classes and not to worry while I was off on surgery.  She wanted to know if I was returning in the spring, and I had to say I was not sure.

I’m very unsettled in this department.  I have applied to graduate school and have not yet gotten my official notice from the university that I have been accepted.  SO I do not know what to tell anyone about my future.  The head of the creative writing department that I have applied to says as far as he’s concerned, I’ve been accepted, but I’m leery of talking too much about it until the university sends me an official notice.  I don’t like being in a waiting place–it’s very frustrating and unnerving to me to not have  any idea what the future holds.

I will just have to wait on God and see what is going to happen.  Pray for me to have patience during this time and not try to force anything before its time.

Old Friends

We’re going to meet some longtime friends tonight for dinner–their son graduated high school this year and we need to deliver him a graduation present.  We’re going to a spiffy burger place where they live, so that should be fun.

We’ve been friends since college–Brian was a friend of Bob’s, and once he started dating Mary, me and her hit it off as well.  We got married a week apart, our kids are really close in age, we almost picked the same china patterns for our weddings, and now Mary and I are both having hysterectomies this summer :).  We’ve been through a lot together–my illness, Mary’s breast cancer fight, being SAHM’s, and going back to work teaching.

It’s so nice having friends you don’t have to explain yourselves to.  We have a lot of the same interests and have so much fun talking when we get together–about any and everything.  Brian shares Bob’s comic book hobby, except he doesn’t collect like Bob does.  Mary and I love to talk cooking and teaching stories.  We have the same taste in TV and movies, and all our kids are smart as whips.  So we have a lot in common that’s kept us together all these years.

SO we renew the friendship tonight and get to talk and have fun.  Hope everyone has a blessed Memorial Day!

News

Well, I may as well make this official since I’ve let my supervisors know–I’m not returning to my teaching job this fall.  With my hysterectomy being so late in the summer, I don’t know if I would be recovered enough to go to class this fall.  We start in mid-August.  So I have been trying to contact my department head for about a week, and finally just talked to the dean of the college just now and told him.  He was very sympathetic and wished me well.

Of course, things have been up in the air on this front anyway, and I’m still not clear enough on what I’ll be doing this fall to write about it.  But I do hope to have some news soon on that front now that I know I won’t be going back there.  I’m just having to trust God for this fall and hope to get a clear indication of his voice soon.

Pray for me–I’ve been there about four years and I think I will miss it.  But hopefully something even better can begin from it.  Hope everyone has a lovely Memorial Day weekend!

Light Reading

Picked up an interesting book this weekend–“How to Love the Home You Have”.  It has tips on turning your current home, no matter its flaws, into a house you can love.  I picked it up to see if there were tips on furniture arranging and such.  There are, but most of it deals with your attitude, saying you need to have an attitude of gratitude towards your home and an attitude of grace towards yourself for your expectations of yourself.

I lived most of my life with high expectations of myself.  I never aspired to riches, per se, but I did hope that all my life I would continue to achieve at high levels throughout a career and family life.  Now I’ve had to lower those expectations and accept success in small things, such as doing a blog post, rather than big things, like publishing a book.  Not that I’ve given up on that dream.  But I recognize that it’s something that’s not going to come easily.  Just like I can’t remodel a house myself like my mom and dad  did because I don’t have those skills, I have to settle for keeping it neat and clean as best as I can. Some of the readjustment came about with bipolar disorder, but some of it came about with just growing up and realizing my limitations.   I was part of the first generation told to “be all you can be” and I took that to heart.  But some choices you make and some circumstances you face can limit you, like my bipolar disorder has done for me.  I do my best to transcend those limitations, but they are still there, whether I want to acknowledge them or not.

I need grace towards myself in those times when I feel like I’m just plodding along in place, not really feeling like I’m accomplishing anything.  Are there areas in your life where you need to extend grace to yourself and be a little less hard on yourself?  I have many.  Hopefully this habit  will be one I continue to learn as I go about life through a bipolar lens.

Slow Day Today

I feel like I’m just in limbo today.  I don’t feel depressed, but I’m awfully sleepy and lethargic.  I’m trying to catch up on laundry and almost have, but I’m still very, very tired even though I’ve only been awake for a few hours.  I can’t get in touch with my department head to tell her I’m quitting because she is off on her in-between summer break.  I hate waiting so long to tell her because it will be hard for her to find someone to cover the classes.  I also need to call Social Security and tell them ‘m quitting.  That way they can stop inspecting my work history and all.

Sorry to not have much to write about today.  My brain feels turned off.  But hopefully I can perk back up once the last one finishes school Friday.

Hope you all have a good rest of the week.

Slowing Down

I’m noticing that as life is finally slowing down, so am I.  I want to spend more time sleeping.  That’s usually not a good sign of things to come with me,.  I’m out of school so I don’t have the pressure of going to class in the mornings anymore, tempting me to sleep in every day.  I’ve been doing it, justifying myself with the fact that we’ve been so busy I need it.  But I think it’s starting to get beyond that.  Once the kids get out of school, I’ll be able to sleep a little later than I do waking up to see them off to school.  But I don’t need to get into the habit of sleeping my life away again.

I have scheduled a date for my hysterectomy.  It’s going to be July 14, after we come back from dance competition.  I am just about tired of dealing with this bleeding after almost a year of it, so I am just going to have it done and deal with whatever the consequences are.  I’m only removing the uterus, so hopefully my hormone functions will continue as normal and nto affect the bipolar.  That’s the plan at this point.

I need to tell my school I won’t be returning in the fall because I won’t be recovered enough by then to teach, according to the doctor’s discussion.  I don’t know about after that.  We will have to see.

Hope everyone is having a good week.  Blessings!

An Eventful Weekend

Well, we were very busy this weekend!  My younger two daughters had their dance recital for the end of the year.  IT was their teacher’s 50th dance recital, and she had fifty numbers, each one celebrating each year of her professional life.  But it really was wonderful to celebrate with her.  We’ve been there for fourteen of those years, so just like everyone else, we have our own tradition now of going to the recital and enjoying it.  Luckily this year she was able to do it in the afternoon instead of at night so my parents could come.  THey had come to the small competitions when my middle girl was younger but had never been to a recital.   They seemed to enjoy it except for some of the louder numbers–my dad is hard of hearing and loud music creates havoc with his hearing aids.

Then yesterday we celebrated the two older girls’ birthdays with our family. The oldest and the middle have birthdays two days apart in April, but we had to wait for the oldest to come home from college to celebrate them together.  They got  lot of fun stuff and some practical as well, so that went well.  It was short–Bob’s parents had to catch a flight to Dallas on their way to Australia for a month, and his sister’s family had some obligations to go to.  But we enjoyed the company while we had it and hugged everyone goodbye when it was over.

So this week is the last week of school for my younger ones, so they are looking forward to Friday when they get out.  The middle one is going to work for my husband’s company occasionally as a file clerk, and the youngest has dance commitments until July.  WE have a family trip to St. Louis planned and a trip for dance planned as well.  Both younger ones are going to summer camp, and the oldest is looking for work and taking a couple of summer classes online.  So we look forward to an eventful summer this year.

Hope everyone had a good week–keep reading!

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