You keep hearing bipolar people talking about going off their meds for whatever reason–they hate the side effects. They hate losing the productivity of mania. They hate the way the meds make them feel. They hate being dependent on them.
It’s the same thing with any chronic disease. Sometimes you just get tired. Diabetics want a cheeseburger. So do heart patients. AIDS patients get tired of all the pills and their side effects, too.
But I never have had the urge to stop my meds because I know where that leads. I’ve had enough depressions and downright SCARY manic episodes that I don’t want to take any risks at all. I’m in a good place right now, and although the sleepiness gets the best of me at times, I know what the other side looks like. I don’t want to live there again. The paranoia is the worst thing for me–fears of all kinds that overwhelm me when I’m in an episode. I can’t live like that, or I’ll find myself back in the car with the motor running in the garage trying to go to sleep forever.
I may not be at my best anymore, but I’ll take anything better over feeling my worst again. And that’s why I take my meds everyday around the clock exactly as prescribed.