Wanting to Work

I checked out a local jobs site for the fun of it, and saw where one of my old freelance clients is hiring a full-time writer for the suburban beat.  It’s so tempting to think about applying.  I’m tired of not working already even though I’ve only been out of work two months.  But I just don’t know if I can handle full-time work or not.  That’s not true actually. I know I can’t.  When I tried teaching three classes last fall, I failed miserably and felt miserable the whole time. ANd soon we’ll be busy with school stuff again and I will feel better.

I just wish bipolar disorder had never happened to me.  I think about how well I was doing in my career before it did and I wonder what I could be accomplishing today almost ten years later. Occasionally I just want to kick myself for letting it all go and not trying harder to keep working.  But I don’t know what else I could have done.  I was trying to pivot to writing creatively full-time, but I just didn’t really have any success.  Hopefully this MFA program can bring that to fruition.  I need to get over my writer’s back for that to happen, though.  We’ll see what happens once classes start.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!


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