I am so tired of taking medication and going to the store to get medication.  I forgot to refill two prescriptions today because my oldest was dealing with drama from her college over her grades. It’s been resolved, but I put most things on the back burner while she was dealing with that so I could help her if she needed it, and I forgot to go to the drugstore.  I had enough for tonight but have to do it tomorrow–I’m out of them both.

I hate to think I’ll be on meds the rest of my life.  I hate to think that I might never work full-time again because I can’t handle the stress of it.  It’s very frustrating to the  high-achieving part of me to accept these limitations.  I know how birds feel that have their wings clipped.  Yes, it’s for my own good that I accept my limits.  But I feel I wasn’t meant for this kind of life.  NO one goes to school, grows up, and achieves a dream of being on disability for the rest of their life.  That’s not how life was supposed to work out for me.

At least that’s how I feel tonight.

2 thoughts on “Irritating

  1. ‘NO one goes to school, grows up, and achieves a dream of being on disability for the rest of their life.’ I understand this all too well. I don’t have Bipolar Disorder but I do have a chronic health condition that’s ‘invisible’, and which struck me down in my mid-thirties, two decades ago. I constantly deal with judgements from family about my failure to fulfill my potential, which was academically considerable during my earlier life – you know, that life you barely remember? I don’t seem to be able to get through to any of them that I didn’t ‘choose’ this; that I didn’t get an excellent education as a high achiever … and then suddenly change my mind about who and what I am. As you say, no one wants to achieve a dream of being on disability for life. You have my heartfelt empathy.


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