Bad Couple of Days

The past couple of days have been very difficult–I’ve been too discouraged to even type on here.

Do you ever feel like the universe is out to get you?  Last February I was really doing well. I was still working and enjoying it somewhat, and I wasn’t having my typical springtime symptoms of depression mixed with hypomania.  Later that year my doctor declared I was in remission from my symptoms.

Then October comes along and I have an insurance change that necessitated a medication change, and it’s been downhill ever since.  To the point where yesterday when I had just about given up on everything.  I was thinking about cancelling this morning’s class and just not teaching th semester.  I wasn’t contemplating quitting school, but I was wondering how l would handle it in the current mood state I was in.

I finally confessed to Bob how badly I was really feeling. He did his best to reassure me and suggested I call my therapist and my doctor to see what could be done.  So I am going to do that today.

I was feeling so discouraged.  But I keep remembering the chorus to an old contemporary Christian song by TobyMac.  It’s a prayer wrapped up in a scripture verse.  “I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul”.  I realized that I was going to have to depend on GOd to keep me going.  Not my meds and not myself.  So I prayed that last night and feel somewhat better this morning. I’m still calling  my therapist and my doctor to see what may can be done.  I need to do my part but I need to realize I can’t do it all myself.

I need God everyday, not just the days I’m feeling bad.  I need to remember that.  Pray for me as I go through this rough patch.  Hope all of you have a great weekend.


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