A Good Weekend

Had a very good weekend.  DId the dance competition and noticed for the first time that the other mothers didn’t’ have it all together either with the dance hair or makeup.  WE’re all just doing the best we can.  But with Xanax we made it through.

Yesterday we had the birthday party we had to postpone. So that was good. My youngest got lots of neat presents including lots of new earrings to try out. So she was happy  Everything went well and she felt loved.

It is so amazing the difference the Abilify is making.   I slept a little bit in this morning, did laundry, went to the grocery store, and will start my reading for the week for my class after I finish this. I go see my therapist this afternoon to talk about my hospitalization and what all we need to start doing in therapy.  SO it’s a bit of a busy day but in a good way and I feel good about my ability to handle it.

Hope everyone had a good start to their week.  Happy Leap Year Day!



Back To Life Again

I really feel raised from the dead. I feel so much better now than I did a week ago. Had to get up super early to help get my youngest ready for her field trip to Birmingham, AL.  So I went back to bed after my husband and she left for the bus stop they were meeting at and got caught up on my sleep again. I ran some errands, getting my full scrip of Abilify and picking up some things i had forgotten at the grocery store. I read my Bible reading for today and have been doing some work for school.

TOmorrow is the real test;;we have another local dance competition and need to be there by nine a.m.  So we will see how this goes.  I think I will go ahead and take a Xanax early tomorrow and hope that keeps me stable through it.

Next week will be hectic with all my appointments and trying to get ready for the spring break competition. My middle one will be packing for her Europe trip; she leaves Sunday afternoon while we’re at the competition. I am very angry about this. I want to be there to see her off. I feel like the youngest is getting all the attention to the detriment of the middle one.  I have tried to say this non-confrontationally and hopefully have gotten my message across. I don’t know what difference it will make, but I’ve said my piece about it.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!



I feel so good today.  I got up, did everything for the morning and went back to bed until 9.  No recriminations, no condemnations.  I got up and started laundry, then I went to the grocery store and bought for the weekend.  I’ve sorted my laundry and ate lunch–peanut butter and crackers, potato chips,  a Samoa Girl Scout cookie, and a big glass of water. Maybe not the best lunch, but I enjoyed it sitting outside on our back patio.  The weather is great today–sunny and in the 50’s.  I feel so good inside and out.

Got the call back from the hospital and my insurance company approved my  Abilify.  So they will cover it–I’ll still have a copay and I don’t know what it is yet, but such an answer to prayer.

I started my reading for the week and am taking it slowly.  Hopefully I can finish reading today and then do my response tomorrow. Then I need to read the essay up for workshop this week and comment on it.  So that will be fun.

My youngest goes on a field trip to Birmingham tomorrow.  I’m so glad I did not sign up for it.  I think that would have been a little too much to try to do so soon out of the hospital.  Hopefully she will have a good time.

I’ve got followup appointments set up with my psychiatrist and my  therapist next week about my hospitalization.    Hopefully that will all go well.  WE have a local dance competition this weekend and then a real one the first weekend of spring break.  SO we will see how it goes.

I’m so thankful I summoned up the courage to go to the hospital.  I’m so thankful that I finally feel good for the first time in months.



On The Ward Again. . .

So I finally gave up and went back into the hospital.  I was feeling helpless, hopeless, and super angry at myself and everyone else.  So that’s where I’ve been since Friday. 

It actually went pretty well.  I told them my tale of woe about the insurance company and my old medicine, so they simply put me back on it and said they would file the paperwork with my insurance company to see  if they would cover the Abilify now that we could prove how  sick I got without it.   And Bob said even if the insurance company refused, we would just pay it out of pocket rather than me stay that sick.  So once they put me on it, I really improved quickly and returned to rational thinking faintly soon.  That was a good feeling.

So now I’m out and hopefully fully restored to rationality.  Hopefully I can have another long run of stability now that I’m back on Ability.



So I had my first conference with my professor today.  We wound up on the phone because she couldn’t get the teleconference tool to work today. WE had a good chat about my writing and what kinds of things I needed to work on. I came away with a  good feeling about it.  I think she gets where I’m coming from and what I’m trying to do with my bipolar story.a So we will see what happens in the next assignment.

WEnt to put in  new contact lenses this morning and shortly realized that I had never gone to the vision center I ordered them from and picked them up!  I had to call and make sure they still had them there for me and drive back while my older daughter slept in. She is still sick and I have an appointment to take her back to the doctor tomorrow.  Hopefully she is just having a hard time shaking this and it hasn’t developed into anything more interesting.

So morbid feeling.   I actually wondered if I could ask God to just let me sleep and not wake up this morning.   A coma, a heart attack, a stroke, an aneurysm,. whatever it took. I hate feeling this way. If it keeps up, I’m going to have to go to the hospital. ANd I don’t want that.


And Today. . .

 I went down for an afternoon nap.  So I’m not sure what that means.  I had to take my youngest daughter to the doctor today and keep the older one at home also.  So it’s been a long day.  At least the youngest isn’t as sick as the older one is.  I think the older one will be out tomorrow, too.  But we will see.

I am getting good feedback on my piece I wrote about the summer of 2005, the year my youngest was .  I had to keep it short because of the word count, so I am getting some comments that it’s rushed and not enough context.  So I will work more on that.  I have a teleconference with the professor tomorrow to discuss it.  I’m still waiting on some commentary to weigh in, so that total feedback isn’t yet complete.

I’m hoping to get some advice on how I can work on the whole manuscript.  I’m still vacillating between whether I’m writing a memoir or a series of essays about bipolar disorder.   Hopefully I can get some advice on that, too.  ANd talk to this professor about being on my thesis committee.  I think I will contact the department head on how that process works.

Hope everyone had a good Wednesday.  And have a good rest of the week.


Well, That Was Unexpected. . .

Once I started feeling better from my cold, I started feeling better mentally.  I haven’t slept in either morning this week, and I’ve gotten an awful lot accomplished.  Hopefully this is the start of an upward trend for me.  I certainly hope so.

(My blog keeps eating my sentences.  This is frustrating beyond reason.  This will make it the third time I have typed my second ! paragraph.  SO this may be a short post.)

In fact it will be.  Hope everyone has a good rest of the week!


A Cold

I’ve been fighting a cold all weekend.  I need to go grocery shopping but it’s raining and I don’t want to aggravate the cold just when it’s getting better.  So I am trying to wait out the rain and go when it isn’t so bad.  I hate having a cold.  I was scared it was the flu, but I’m already better so it obviously wasn’t that.  I woke up Saturday with a sore throat and earache, then progressed to a stuffy nose, then to coughing. Now I’m only coughing a little  bit so I feel better.

I have a piece up for workshop this week and I’m a little anxious about it.  I tell part of my story in it that is a little bit personally embarrassing.  But I need to expose it to strangers so that I know if I’m up to exposing it to everyone by publishing it.  Or if I just need to keep it to myself.  So we will see.

THe kids are home for President’s Day so we are goofing off.  I’m doing laundry and will cook tonight, but I’m not sure what else will get done.  I stayed awake this morning because my youngest had some drama with her earrings.  She is avoiding taking them out and cleaning her ears without the earrings in.  So there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth this morning when she was trying to put them back in.  But I made her do it herself and didn’t do it for her  Hopefully she will get used to it soon. I told her daddy she was too young and I was right.

I guess I will break for lunch.  Hope everyone has a good start to their week.



Birthday Party

I’m hiding out in my bedroom from the birthday party to type this.  They’re watching a movie and settling down for the night.  WE got five total girls to come, which is just about right; they all fit around the table for pizza and games and all have somewhere to sit/lay besides the floor in our den while watching the movie.  So far it has been very successful. I got to have a heart-to-heart talk with my older one when she came in from indoor percussion practice as she sat and ate pizza and told me percussion kid stories.  And theatre stories  and other things we’re usually too rushed to sit down and talk about.  So that was nice.

I still hurt all over from yoga.  But I got the cake made and got drinks for tonight and tomorrow morning.  Got the house cleaned up enough for company and a sign made with my daughter’s help for the mailbox for the kids who had not been here before.  SO it was a mostly successful day. I went ahead and turned in my essay for nonfiction workshop class. It is what it is and I wonder what their reactions will be to it.  All I can do is wait and see Monday.

Hope everyone has a great Valentine’s Day weekend!



I’ve finished baking cupcakes for my youngest daughter’s party at school tomorrow.  It’s made me realize again how tired I am of doing those sorts of things.  This is the last year I’ll be allowed to send cupcakes to school, and I am kind of glad.  I know that’s a horrible thing to say.  But I am so tired of being a stay-at-home mom.  I am so hoping once I finish this degree and my youngest daughter had some measure of independence, I will be able to go back to work.  That is the dream, anyway.

I still need to frost them, but right now they are cooling off so the frosting will stick.  They’re yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting planned for the topping–my daughter’s favorite combination.  They will also be having a Valentine’s  party that day, so I need to email my daughter’s teacher and remind her the cupcakes are for my daughter’s birthday, not the party.  We will see how that goes.

Bob caught me sleeping this afternoon. He came in for lunch and I had laid down for a little while.  He didn’t say much, just asked me if anything had happened. I told him no.  I was so tired after I finished eating lunch I just couldn’t help it.  I’ve had another Dr. Pepper so maybe that will keep me awake for the rest of the day.

WEll, it’s about time to start frosting.  Hope everyone has a lovely Valentine’s Day weekend.