Stuck

So today was a nothing sort of day.  I turned in my reading response for school and will work on my essay tomorrow after gym class.  If I can stay awake.  I burned the cornbread for dinner and am just about ready to collapse into bed   But I’ve got a few hours before I get to that.  What else did I do today?  I took my youngest to piano and washed and dried two loads of clothes. I woke up early this morning with reflux and spent most of the day coughing on and off.  I looked at enough news to know who won the caucuses in Iowa.  I took a bath before cleaning up the house a little bit. The rest of the time I slept or listened to music.

I hate myself.

This attitude is not conducive to recovery.  I’m aware of this fact.  But I’m getting down to the point that it doesn’t really matter anymore.  All I can try to do is make sense out of it all and right now I’m just too tired.  I wrote a piece recently for Defying Shadows about 11 Small Victories over Depression.  And I mean I listed small ones–like getting up in the morning and staying awake to see the day.  But I can’t believe the message for myself right now.  I can’t see my way to doing anything much worth doing.

 

Advertisements

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. BipolarOnFire
    Feb 04, 2016 @ 03:07:09

    Wow, for someone who can’t see her way to doing much, it sounds like you accomplish a lot in a day. I was frankly impressed. If I did all that, I’d be in bed by 8pm!

    Like

    Reply

  2. jdlwhitehead
    Feb 05, 2016 @ 01:53:25

    THat’s what I really try to do–is be as honest as I can with whatever I’m gong through. Thanks for seeing and appreciating that!

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: