So today was a nothing sort of day. I turned in my reading response for school and will work on my essay tomorrow after gym class. If I can stay awake. I burned the cornbread for dinner and am just about ready to collapse into bed But I’ve got a few hours before I get to that. What else did I do today? I took my youngest to piano and washed and dried two loads of clothes. I woke up early this morning with reflux and spent most of the day coughing on and off. I looked at enough news to know who won the caucuses in Iowa. I took a bath before cleaning up the house a little bit. The rest of the time I slept or listened to music.
I hate myself.
This attitude is not conducive to recovery. I’m aware of this fact. But I’m getting down to the point that it doesn’t really matter anymore. All I can try to do is make sense out of it all and right now I’m just too tired. I wrote a piece recently for Defying Shadows about 11 Small Victories over Depression. And I mean I listed small ones–like getting up in the morning and staying awake to see the day. But I can’t believe the message for myself right now. I can’t see my way to doing anything much worth doing.