I feel so frustrated today. I’ve been on my right medication now for almost six months and I am not doing as well as I was this time last year. I am more nervous and anxious and I’m completely blocked with my creative endeavors. I can’t keep up with the house as well as I’d like and I feel like a total slug wanting to sleep all the time. I do not know what the problem is. I should be doing much better. I don’t know if changing my meds for almost six months led me to a place where I can’t recover from or what.
THe other day I had the urge to run away again–to my parents’ house, of all places. I know how foolish that would be. It’s not that I want to leave Bob; I just want my old life back. I want to feel normal. And I’m starting to wonder if I ever will again.
I’ve never had this much trouble this time of year. THe only thing I can think of is that my middle one will be graduating this year and that that is already stressing me out. If that’s the case, it’s going to be a long hard year for me. I don’t feel emotional about her graduating. I‘m happy for it. At least that is what I m telling myself. I will miss her because she is so dependable, but it’s not like I’m seeing a lot of her anyway with how busy she is. I do remember stressing about my oldest one graduating and waking up after the day of it feeling better than I had been in a long time. I hope that’s not what is bothering me.
I know I am stressed about Bob being sick. He has a hard time with the meds they have him on and he’s so sensitive to everything in the air that he can’t hardly leave the house. And he’s much sicker than he used to be and he’s sick more often. And I dont’ know what more I can do to help him.
Just please pray for me that I can find out what the problem is and get on top of it before it gets worse. I don’t want to give up on the writing and quit my degree program. I want to succeed in it. I just don’t; know how,