I’m trying to surrender my circumstances to God today. Not trying to surrender to bipolar disorder, but surrender to God that he can help me through bipolar disorder. I don’t know how else to talk about it. I’ve been under attack with obsessions all morning. I know where it takes me to give in to those and I am trying so hard to fight. But I’m nor sure how much fight I have in me anymore. I’m more hopeful than last week but still not where I need to be to get where I want to be. I’m listening to calming music this afternoon; I’m trying not to feed the obsessions. Part of me just wants to lie down and stay in a fantasy world and not come out. But I can’t do that. There lies madness 🙂
So think about me this week as I get ready to send my oldest off to college again. I want her to go and grow up. I need for her to.
I’ve been listening and watching old Elvis clips on You Tube. Such a country boy who charmed millions with his music. He would have been I think 81 this year had he not died today in 1977 at 42. He needed nothing but his guitar to make the biggest splash in music the world has ever known. I still remember when he died–I was seven years old and my mom heard it on the radio late in the day.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood lately. Trying to write about it with varying degrees of success. I don’t miss it–there was plenty about it I’d rather not repeat. But I get sad thinking about it and how old I am now and how much some things have changed for me and my children but not really much has changed for my parents. My folks have an old laptop and. a tablet and a smart phone, and that is about all the concession they’ve made to the modern world. Those are all my mom’s toys–my daddy loves the old things much more than the modern ones. I’m kind of like my daddy in that–I still don’t have a smartphone. :).