Archive | February 2017

Sick Day Two

Bob is still ill.  If he still can’t eat solid food tomorrow, I need to insist that he go to the doctor.  Hopefully he will listen.  But he is resting up pretty good, watching movies and playing on the computer. He’s in  a good mood, so that is something.

Trying to work on my stuff for class and having a hard time of it. I’m trying to transition to  writing with a new voice and it is difficult.  Trying to undo the restraints of objectivity and detachment.   Hopefully I can accomplish it.

I think I am a little scared to open up really because I don’t want the sensations of my down times to swallow me up.  Kind of like trying to go back and work on my old fiction–I don’t want  thoughts of the salesman to swallow me up again so I avoid doing it. So we will see how this will go.



So Proud of Myself

I am so proud of  myself navigating this weekend and today.  We did a Vlaentine’s Day dinner out with the girls Saturday night and had my youngest one’s birthday party yesterday.  Then today my mom had her other cataract done this morning and that all went well.

I thought it might be problematic doing so much and really wondered how I would  I do after witnessing a terrible wreck Friday afternoon.  I was pulling up to an intersection when I heard brakes screeching, a crash, and saw a black SUV roll over on its top on the asphalt.  SO SCARY.  My hands shook a good bit and it took a bit for the traffic to clear up around it.  I was very shaky driving home.  But I got over it, didn’t nightmare about it, etc.  I prayed for the people and pretty much put it out of my mind, didn’t dwell on it.  So I am proud of the progress I’ve made.

MY dad was funny this morning.  He asked how I took out from my busy schedule to come up to sit with them all morning.  I said I wasn’t the busy one, it was my kids who were busy; once I get them out of the house, I do whatever I want to.  He thought that was funny.

I am waiting on Bob to feel better; he has some sort of stomach bug that has upset his stomach terribly.  We can’t figure out where it came from. The kids were okay this morning and we haven’t heard anything from his parents about being sick, and my parents were fine. So hopefully it’s not catching and it will work its way out of his system.

I need to run to get my ABilify and go to the grocery store.  Hope everyone’s week gets off to a good start.


I got the news this morning that Conclave Journal has accepted a piece I sent them about my last hospitalization called “On the Ward Again”.  I sent it in April last year.  So I suppose the lesson here is to be patient.  No money–just the publication credit and a copy of the journal whenever it comes out.  So that is nice to hear.

Good news in an otherwise slow day.  I’m just puttering around finishing up last minute stuff to get ready for the party this weekend.  Listening to Vince Guaraldi and just having a good day.


Steady Working

Went to the food panty today and worked my shift for the month.  We sent out a lot of food.  It never looks like enough when we start out, but  God always multiplies it so there is enough to go around.  They said last week was rough because they are renewing paper work for everyone that gets services and that it was difficult for some people to document their need.

It’s so frustrating for everyone involved when we have to adhere to paperwork and all.  But out church is in a network of churches that documents who gets aid from what churches throughout the county to cut down on fraud and double-dipping.  So we answer to several partners for how we run the program.

It’s National Pizza Day so Bob and I are going out to celebrate by eating pizza for lunch   :).  I’m looking forward to it; we always have fun when we go out.

I had such weird dreams last night.  They were so strong that I wondered if I wasn’t having hallucinations.    I kept thinking to myself, “only respond to outside stimuli,” because I couldn’t tell the difference.  I’ve never had hallucinations before so I don’t know what they are like.   But they were weird dreams.

Hope everybody has a good weekend. We have a birthday party for my youngest scheduled so I need to really work on that soon, wrapping presents and baking a cake.  SO we will see how that goes this weekend.




So I read an exchange in the local newspaper between elected officials disagreeing about how the state should administer mental health care in Mississippi.  They were arguing about how many caseworkers there are and how much money is spent per capita, just a bunch of numbers games.  So I called the editorial department and offered to write an op-ed about my experience getting caught in the machinery of healthcare when my coverage for ABilify was cut off in 2014.  Just to remind these elected officials that there are PEOPLE we are talking about, not just numbers in a spreadsheet.

So the opinion editor said I could have 750 words (20 column inches) to tell my story.  I wrote it last night and cut and cut and cut until it was the regulation length.   I hope it can at least start a conversation about what to do for people like me. I sent it in this morning with a bio and some headshots to go with it.  SO we will see what happens.

Slow day today–I have laundry to do and church tonight.  My workshop piece seems to be going over fairly well in class so far, so we will see what the rest of the class has to say about it when they get around to chiming in.

Hope everyone has a good rest of the week.


Pouring Down

It’s raining very, very hard here in central Mississippi this morning.  This storm has produced 40 lightning strikes according to the news this morning.  So it’s really tough out.  Hopefully it will slow down some before I have to go to see my counselor.

Jo and I are going to lunch after I see Tillie.  We’ll go to Amerigo’s which is just down the road a bit from my counselor’s.  It’s a fun little Italian place and since I’m not with Bob, I’ll be able to get tiramisu for dessert. 🙂  (He hates it, but Jo can be talked into splitting it with me.)

I also see Candy and Christy today; I don’t think they’ll have an awful lot to do today besides just the usual.  So hopefully I’ll have it where it is quick and easy for them today.

I don’t know what all me and Tillie are going to talk about today.  I’m doing really well in all kinds of ways.  She’ll probably get on to me a little about stopping exercising, but I just hurt so much afterwards that it just doesn’t seem to be paying off any. But my mood is good, I’m not obsessing, I’m not anxious, I’m not even stressing out over my middle one graduating like I did my oldest.  So all in all I think I’m doing well.


Mom’s Surgery

THis morning my mom had cataract surgery in Madison, up on the other side of Jackson. I drove up and met them at the outpatient clinic they were having it done at and stayed with her until they took her back then waited for her out front with my daddy.  We talked when he felt like it and didn’t when he didn’t–talked to some of the other patients as well so we kept occupied,. I had mean to take a book for me and a magazine for him but didn’t pick them up on my way out, so that was a loss on may part.

I have a piece up for workshop this week for my class–it’s the shorter assignment because I ran out of stuff to say on the topic.  Of course, the other girl wrote on and on and on and makes me look bad.  But we are supposed to do a 800-1200 word essay as well as two longer ones so I don’t feel too bad about it.  WE will see.

Have my reading to do this afternoon since I didn’t get it in the morning.  But it will be fine.  I can get it all done. I did the right thing by going to see Mom because I otherwise would have just sat around the house and worried about her.  SO that’s okay, too.



Bob is out of town with my middle daughter on a college visit and I am lonesome for him.  I slept with all the lights on last night like I usually do when he’s gone.  But he’ll be home tonight and that will be good. I just hope everything goes well at the college and she can make her decision soon.

I haven’t done much of anything today. I need to work more on my next essay for class that I started yesterday.  It’s talking about how I would up a freelance writer.  I need about 500 more words to meet the minimum word count for this one.  I think I know how I’m going to finish it, but I’m not positive about how to do it.

I’m in a pretty good mood today. I kind of want to get out of the house and do something but I’m not sure what. I tried to find someone to go to lunch with but all my phone calls were unanswered.   So I am staying in for lunch at least.

I found out last night that the new girl in the program that reached out to me about bipolar disorder has already pulled out of the classes.  I asked her what happened, and she just said she didn’t think grad school was what she needed to do right now.  I hope she is all right.


Bad News

My middle daughter got bad news yesterday that she was no longer in the running for the fully-funded scholarship at Mississippi State.  She is still in consideration for other scholarships, which we may be able to patch together into a full scholarship, but she was emailed that she was not a finalist for the big one.   She was upset but not just absolutely torn up about it; she’s going to Auburn today and tomorrow to check out that campus again and see if it might be where she wants to go.

I had a piece rejected this morning as well so I know how she feels.  I still have a lot of submissions outstanding but a rejection is a rejection.   I may just hold off on sending anything else out until they all come back.  I don’t know.


It’s Taken ALL DAY

for me to get into this screen to type.  I kept trying and it kept hanging up on the New Post option and letting me just sit there.  SO I finally gave up and that’s why this post is so late.

Busy day more or less.  I did my schoolwork responses to what my classmates had submitted for evaluation this week. I had a VERY hard time with them.  But I prayed and got it done as well as I felt like I could.  Hopefully I won’t give anyone as hard a time responding to mine next week.   We will see how it goes.

Cleaned house and did laundry.  Didn’t do much otherwise until tonight when I did supper, a fajita dish.   I’m about ready to go ahead and go to bed.  I’m sleepy.

My mom is having cataract surgery next week Monday.  And they’re sending her here to do it instead of Tupelo, so I’m going to try to be there.  It will take some doing, but I’m going to work at it.  It’s at 8 in the morning, so it shouldn’t take all day for them to do it.

I realized today  that when I said I wanted to start living instead of just coping that I don’t really know what that means anymore.  I want to go back to work but I’m scared to try.  I know I don’t want to teach composition at the community college I used to work for, but I can’t see what else would really be easy for me to slip into that I could continue doing until I finish.  I still feel like I’m being led to wait, but I don’t like it.

Pray for me as I continue to wrestle with this issue.