So we are experiencing what’s left of Hurricane Harvey in terms of heavy rain and the possibility of spinoff tornados. We already had a batch of those in south Mississippi yesterday so that has been sad. It has been one wet and rainy August, really a wet and rainy summer, the whole time.
It’s sent my mood very much south–I’m thinking about all I went through during Katrina. But Bob is actually finally out of the generator business–that part of the business is being sold to two distributors in Texas and Tennessee. So they no longer have to worry about disaster prep and aid at his office, which he is thankful for.
I have class off today and I went back and slept in some. I feel better having done it, more alert and whatnot. Still have house stuff to do but that is all.
Hope everyone has a good rest of the week.
Turns out I assigned too little of Beowulf–we did finish it in one class period and so I had to make up a homework assignment on the spur of the moment and have them pick out their favorite passages and tell why they liked them, and we will read them out loud in class. SO that should take care of Friday. Then we have Labor Day, another reading, then the test. I hope my plan for the test works well.
Feels like a long day already. I have some people who are connecting with the reading and with me but others are just there. Maybe once we get out of the complex stuff we will get more response. I had four people add since Monday and only two of them showed up. I guess I need to email out the homework assignment and make sure everyone knows about it since it’s not on the syllabus,.
I go see Tillie today and see if we can’t head off whatever thus is at the pass. I still feel much better but still have some existential lethargy going on. I need to get into my laundry and sort it out for fall– see what I can wear and what I can’t. I get the feeling I will need black pants for my birthday.
I managed class well yesterday and as I said had to straighten out my syllabus. Finished the reading for my W class and absolutely hated the book, structure aside. It was really just awful. So I finished my discussion questions for it this morning so I’ve been somewhat productive. I have Candy and Christy over today then go see Holly to get my hair colored, then I go daysshopping. SO I have a busy day ahead.
I go see Tillie tomorrow to work on my little meltdown. Figure out what happened and see what we can do to keep it from happening again. Because I don’t ever want to have that happen again. I do not like living at the mercy of my moods. I just won’t and don’t want to again.
I’m trying to get to where I want to work more on the pockets of chaos in the house. I’m working on finding the motivation and haven’t so far. I’d rather rest or sleep than do that. But it really does need some serious decluttering. I’ll get to it one of these days.
As soon as I saw the sermon title to last night’s preaching, I knew I was supposed to be there. It was “Living in VIctory over Vanity”. It was on a passage out of 1 Corinthians that discussed how nothing done unto the Lord is ever done in vain. I so needed to hear that. I had been in the pit all weekend about how nothing I did was worth anything and how worthless I felt trying to do things that weren’t working out. I cried through the whole sermon and went as was prayed over by some very ice ladies who encouraged me a great deal.
THen Cindy and Mark Steven wanted to come by and pray for me last night afterwards, said that I had been on their hearts all day to pray for me so that was nice as well. I feel 100% better. And I got to school today on time and that all went well. SO we will see what happens this week with the road closure and all. But I think it’s going to be fine.
FOund out I messed up my syllabus and need to change it for the next two weeks. it I think reflects how scared and upset I was how I just made all kinds of mistakes. So I’m going ot issue a new one I think and hand that out next time.
Please continue to pray for me in all of this and that I will continue to fight off the depression and make my way through my days in purpose and in joy.
Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. I didn’t want to do anything–not just that day but ever. No more writing, no more school, no more teaching, no more mothering, no nothing. I just wanted to get in the bed and sleep. ANd I did. And I meant to only rest for a little while and I woke up to my youngest one banging on the door to be let in off the bus. SO that made me feel worse. So I took a Xanax ‘tthe anxiety and called my counselor and left a message and we wound up talking for a few minutes and I made an appointment for next week.
Goes back to an earlier post–how long do I let the dream of writing something worthwhile and publishable go on? Do I lock myself into the teaching thing and write as a sideline? What am I doing with my life? I don’t know if it’s coming up on my birthday that’s making me feel this way or what. I just want to STOP everything and do nothing and see how that feels. But I can’t. At the very least, I still have my youngest to raise. I can’t abandon her to her own devices. She’s too young.
So we will see what Tillie and I can figure out next week.
So today classes opened in the W’s schedule. I’ve already posted in the discussion threads for this week so I think I am done. I am just waiting for the book to get here that I’m supposed to read for this opening of class. It really makes me ill that I don’t have them all and had to order another one so late.
Found out about another inaugural class member, Allison, that is dropping out. She says it is only for the fall and I hope she does return and finish her thesis. She is so close to finishing and I hate to see her go without doing so. One guy is coming back, Thomas, and I am glad to see that. We have just a pile of new people and we will see what will happen to all of them throughout the next few years, We have two or three that are finishing in December so we will see what happens with them winding up.
I need to turn in my disability plan for this semester, I never did do one for spring but I have a different instructor so I need to do that and make her aware of my difficulty, I need to get in, print that out, and send it back. I don’t anticipate any problems so it will mostly be a formality. But an important one.
I called Social Security yesterday and reported that I was working and turned in my employer information to them. Hopefully that is the end of that. But we should keep receiving benefits because I’m not earning enough for them to stop. I just need to keep doing what I am doing. Because it is working.
SO I met my class this morning and arrived right on time, thank goodness. Handed out the syllabus and went over it, then got everybody to introduce themselves. Then discussed what I expected out of everybody and finally had them do a short writing bit about their experiences in Brit Lit. So that went well.
I have some athletes, some nursing majors, one lit major, some business majors, etc. I have a guy with a broken arm so he was interesting trying to write his paper. But he said he should be out of it in two weeks so hopefully he can do the writing for the first test.
I really did well getting here so that was nice. Hopefully it will continue, I prayed so hard that the traffic would be good and it was. I guess I need to pray that prayer every day so it will continue to go well.
Even though it went well, I’m still having a crisis of confidence with everything. I already think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. No more procrastinating about anything. I need to stay on top of everything so nothing will be behind. But I will do my best and God be with me I will succeed in it all.