Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. I didn’t want to do anything–not just that day but ever. No more writing, no more school, no more teaching, no more mothering, no nothing. I just wanted to get in the bed and sleep. ANd I did. And I meant to only rest for a little while and I woke up to my youngest one banging on the door to be let in off the bus. SO that made me feel worse. So I took a Xanax ‘tthe anxiety and called my counselor and left a message and we wound up talking for a few minutes and I made an appointment for next week.
Goes back to an earlier post–how long do I let the dream of writing something worthwhile and publishable go on? Do I lock myself into the teaching thing and write as a sideline? What am I doing with my life? I don’t know if it’s coming up on my birthday that’s making me feel this way or what. I just want to STOP everything and do nothing and see how that feels. But I can’t. At the very least, I still have my youngest to raise. I can’t abandon her to her own devices. She’s too young.
So we will see what Tillie and I can figure out next week.