Meltdown

Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday.  I didn’t want to do anything–not just that day but ever.  No more writing, no more school, no more teaching, no more mothering, no nothing.  I just wanted to get in the bed and sleep.  ANd I did.  And I meant to only rest for a little while and I woke up to my youngest one banging on the door to be let in off the bus.  SO that made me feel worse.  So I took  a Xanax ‘tthe anxiety and called my counselor and left a message and we wound up talking for a few minutes and I made an appointment for next week.

Goes back to an earlier post–how long do I let the dream of writing something worthwhile and publishable go on?  Do I lock myself into the teaching thing and write as a sideline?  What am I doing with my life?  I don’t know if it’s coming up on my birthday that’s making me  feel this way or what.  I just want to STOP everything and do nothing and see how that feels.  But I can’t.  At the very least, I still have  my youngest to raise. I can’t abandon her to her own devices.  She’s too young.

So we will see what Tillie and I can figure out next week.

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