Archive | April 2018

Sinus Infection

So I went to the doctor and they called what I have a sinus infection.  I caught it early since the congestion didn’t start until Sunday.  I got a shot but dont’ know as it really helped. I’ve coughed a good bit even with the cough syrup they gave me.  But at least I got  a little sleep with it all so that is good.

Had a decent weekend. WE ran errands Saturday until I just couldn’t go any more, then came home and I tried to sleep some.  I didn’t go to church yesterday because I just didn’t feel good at all.  I’m doing better today so I will go to my treatment program and see what I can accomplish today. So far I have stayed awake this morning and am trying to do laundry before I leave.

I feel decent mentally today so far. I feel good about having a goal for the summer, which is to edit my novella once they send me the edits they want. I feel good that I should have a class for the fall and if I don’t, I’m just going to tell them not to schedule me any more and I will not teach or work any more until I finish my degree,  So right now I feel good about the future and that is a big change from before.

Hope everyone has a good start to their week.

Full-Blown Cold

So now instead of just a sore throat I have a hacking cough.  My doctor is out today and I am going to another  clinic owned by the same people. I coughed all last night even though I took Nyqil  so I am hoping for something a little stronger for the nighttime from this appointment.  So I did stay down this morning for a while just because the coughing kept me awake last night.

I got back my final project graded already and made an A on it so now I am done with the semester.  I am going to write the people publishing my novella and let them know I am available all summer to make edits on it whatever they want.  So we will see what comes of that.

My oldest presented her final research project for the honors college last night and has one more exam next Monday then she will be home probably THursday,  So she is excited about finishing and getting her diploma.  And we are proud of her as well.

WEll I need to run pick out a wedding present for a shower I am going to tomorrow.  Then I will o to the doctor.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!

 

Hair Appointment

So I go at eight a.m. to get my hair cut and colored. I have to stay awake this morning to get there on time. But I feel really good this morning so maybe it won’t be  such a struggle.  I’m wondering if I haven’t been having serotonin syndrome all this time because I was on such a heavy level of Pristiq and now that it is out of my system, I’m not sleepy any more.

I go back to my treatment program today but am off tomorrow.  So tomorrow will be the real test of whether I can stay awake.  I will do my best to get to laundry tomorrow and clean that up since I’ll be home all day and I’ve finished my class work.

I have decided not to take a class this summer because I got an email that they should soon start editing on my novella and will likely send it to me for edits when they are finished, which I will have a month to complete them.  So that will be enough of a summer project to keep my busy this summer.

Guess i wil run get dressed.  Hope everyone has a good end of the week.

 

Final Project

i decided to go ahead and turn in my final project for class so I am completely done with homework for the semester.  I did finish my reading  and workshop responses yesterday so I am done with everything I need to do.  It is a good feeling to know I finished out the semester without having to withdraw because of my issues.  TheNow I have another class behind me.  I am still wondering if I need to take on a class this summer.  I’m just not sure what to do.

I am awake this morning–not the least bit sleepy so that feels really good!  No Cokes or anything either so that is nice.  I think it’s a pretty day and that has me in a good mood too.  I am looking forward to going to the treatment center and seeing what comes up today.

WEnt to the youngest one’s band concert last night.  Her band played a kids’ level arrangement of the “Star Wars” theme and everyone got a kick out of that.  Then the next band played an arrangement of “Batman” themes which really went off well too. BOb was all geeked out.  SO it was a successful concert overall, we thought.

My oldest is going to be on TV today–she recorded a segment demonstrating a cooking technique a couple of months ago and they are just now airing it.  We don’t get that channel down here but my parents do so hopefully they can watch it.  They need to see how she is doing too and how good she is at what she does.

Well., hope everyone has a good rest of the week.

 

Slow Morning

So I haven’t done much this morning besides read for class.  I don’t see what all the fuss is about in the story–it didn’t just scream greatness to me.  SO I am puzzled as to how I want to respond to it.

Candy and Christy came today and we had a good chat.  Nothing of consequence, just idle talk. But it was cheering to see someone knowing I would be at home alone today.

I am trying to stay awake this morning.  I have laundry to work on so that is something to do.  I just need to get my gumption up and do it.  Which seems to be missing in action so far this morning.  I don’t seem to have the energy to do anything, including this writing.  Usually I can at least to muster up some energy for that.  But not today it seems.

I just dont’ know what to do with myself.  I know I’m bored and don’t know what to do about it.  I think taking a class this summer will help, but I am having so much trouble getting motivated to do the last of the work for this class I’m not as sure about doing that as I once was.  But I don’t know if I can face just doing nothing this summer except managing my youngest.   At least taking a class I’ll be moving closer to my goal of being done with my coursework on time.  But I just don’t know what to do.

 

Stepdown

So I started my stepdown program today, going to my treatment center only three days a week.  I went today and things went well.  I dont’ go tomorrow though, and I am planning on getting my schoolwork done and/or all my laundry done.  I have all my clothes  clean–they just need to be sorted.  I will try to work on the schoolwork first and the laundry second.  And if that’s all I accomplish tomorrow, it will be okay.

I have been very sleepy today–yawning and everything else.  I haven’t had a Coke so that is good.  I am going to see if I can’t get back to losing weight  like I was before Christmas. Don’t know how I’ll do it yet, but I’m going to explore options.

Had a good weekend–we did the little dance competition and I make it through that okay, even though Bob didn’t go with us.  His allergies were really bothering himi this weekend so we didnt’ get a lot done–we ran a few errands and got the grocery store taken care  of so I didn’t; have to do it by myself this week.  So that was nice as well.

Had a really good worship service at church this weekend and had a good night singing service.  We heard a great song at the end called “City of Joy” talking about heaven.  I think I am going to go look it up online and listen to it again just because I liked it.

Hope everyone has a good start to their week this week. WIsh me luck on staying out of the bed tomorrow.

 

Not As Good A Morning

Not as good a morning as yesterday, but a good day all in all.  Got my schedule to come to Psycamore three days a week instead of five starting next week, so that is nice. I will be going in on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.   So that is how my weeks will go for at least part of the month of May.  Hopefully I will be done with Psychamore when we go to Disney World with my oldest.  I plan though to start  following up with Tillie once a week for the summer when I can.  Probably starting the week after we come back from Disney. That is my thought at the moment.

Found out that a journal that accepted a story of mine has decided that they’re not going to publish any more.  I should have seen this coming, but it’s still disappointing.  I still have a lot of work out to various journals and will just need to see if anything pans out from those submissions.   I think I will start submitting again in August and see what kind of response I can get then.  Maybe with a good fiction workshop under my belt I can take what I have generated so far and come up with new stuff to send out.

Long day but a good day.  Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Trying to Stay Awake

I am trying to stay awake this morning.  I have started a load of laundry and am typing this piece, so it’s going well so far.  It’s only 7:45 am though and I don’t leave for my treatment until a little after 9:15 so I still have a lot of time to kill.  I may do my rea ding for class and try to knock that assignment out before I leave.  Or I may go take a nice long bath this morning.  I usually take one at night, but I kind of feel like  taking one this morning.  We will see.

My oldest called last night and we talked for a long time about how she was feeling.  She has been having tummy trouble and not wanting to eat as a result of that.  So I talked about what a big transition she was going through getting ready to leave college and start her job in Orlando, and  how her body could be manifesting that stress through her stomach and all.  WE talked about a lot of things and I just tried to be understanding and there to listen to  her talk.  If it keeps up, we’ll take her to the doctor,  She is on her period this week so that may have something to do with it too.  We agreed to give it another month and see how she felt her next period and go from there.

I keep bringing stuff that was brought up in group back home with me and telling Bob.  I want him to understand what all is going on and what I am realizing.  Mostly what I am realizing is that my self-image was damaged terribly by my parents and I have been reenacting those victim scenarios in our marriage.  So some things may have to change in how we relate to each other.  I’m not sure how that is going to look just yet.

But we will see what happens. I think I am going to go take that bath this morning and try to establish a new routine at least for now.  Hopefully I can continue to stay awake.  Hope everyone has a good end of the week.

Sorry

I missed yesterday,  It was a busy day, and today was too.  I wen to see Dr. Bishop today and he sounded glad that I was still going to Psycamore and getting help.  Groups were good today and I got my scores back on the PTSD index test I took–I scored high on trauma splitting and trauma shame and trauma reenacting.

Trauma splitting is when you wall off parts of your life that were hurt, trauma shame is when you feel responsible for how trauma happened, and trauma reenactment is when you reenact the trauma either as victim or a perpetrator.  i scored significantly in a couple of other behaviors too.  All to say tht I am still reacting to what my parents did to me as far as abuse and often projecting on to Bob the behavior that my parents did to me.  So that is not fair to him at all.

We go to church tonight and I am looking forward to it.  Hopefully everything will go well.  I still don’t feel motivated to catch up on my school work–I haven’t done the readings yet and still have to respond to that and to the workshop piece   We will see how tomorrow morning goes.

 

Three Days a Week

Psycamore has moved me to only coming three days a week starting next week.  At least that’s what the doctor suggested.  I asked the  coordinator and she said they would coordinate that with the treatment team and see what days I needed to come in on.  So that will be interesting.

I shared my timeline today and fielded questions about my condition for the morning.  It was interesting to do–talking about my issues through the years and what all is getting to me now.  I feel like the biggest things I have gotten out of therapy has been the realization that I was projecting anxiety about my financial situation onto Bob when I shouldn’t be because he’s not going to treat me like my mom did when I was under her financial thumb.  I think that is the biggest thing that triggered this depression was how the feeling of not working just upset me so badly.

But I checked this afternoon and I have 14 students signed up so far for the fall–that may change over the summer but right now it’s plenty to have in a class.  I am going to change how I teach it by cutting out the history stuff and putting more authors at the end.  So we will see.

Hope everyone has a good start to the week!