Pretty Morning

It’s a nice morning out–sunny and warm.  But we’re predicted to have more rain, which we definitely do not need.  There’s flooding all around us, and although we’re safe from it here, it is totally devastating huge swaths of communities around us.

I go see Tillie today at 11 then Holly for a cut and color at 12:30.  So my morning will be occupied.  I just need to be productive before I leave and see what all I can get accomplished.  Not sure what I’m going to be able to do. There’s so much to do I’m afraid I’m going to get paralyzed trying to figure it all out.

I feel pretty good this morning except for that creeping paralysis of mind that I get when I do have too much to do.  I’ve wished for this lots of times, but I will wish it again.  I wish I weren’t mentally ill.  I wish I could just face life and cope with it.  Do what I need to do to live and not have all this extra worry that I am ten minutes of stress away from falling completely apart.

I remember coping so much better with stress in some ways when I was younger. Maybe I’ve just gotten too old to beleive the nonsense stuff I used to do to “do it all”.   Maybe all my psychic space where I used to work full-time is now taken up by school. I don’t know.

I don’t like feeling fragile.  I want to be strong.




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