So far we have avoided more rain where I am, although it’s still raining in other areas of Mississippi that don’t need more rain, so it’s another gorgeous day today with sunshine and warmth. I am feeling better today, able to put on makeup and go through my day in a more prepared fashion. I will be grading papers again after I do this post and see how far I can get through them before I have to go home and check on Bob. He is going to the doctor this morning and we will see exactly what they can do for him at this point.
I talked to Tillie about my motivation levels and she advised me to not be so hard on myself. Take one day at a time and set one goal to accomplish in a day so I can feel successful if I manage to accomplish it and maybe one more. I told her I had just lost the connection between effort and payoff was all–it’s no longer enough to do something for the inherent good in it to myself. I want some kind of evidence that it matters what I do. I just don’t know how to get the connection back.
I’m not depressed in mood yet–I’m trying to stave off that happening. I am trying to take care of myself and everything else I have to do to keep that kind of depressing loop from taking hold in my mind. Problem is that my lifestyle just isn’t very validating right now. I do get paid soon for my teaching, which will help somewhat. I will soon need to do another assignment for Drama which will pretty much be torture in that I still have no idea what to do for it. I need to catch up on my reading in it but again, since there’s no test or discussion to study for, I am feeling profoundly unmotivated to do it. But I will try tomorrow if I finish my grading by then.
I am just glad I have thus far avoided the flu, etc. that is going around. Hopefully Bob and my youngest can avoid it as well. We will see. Bob is sick enough with just his allergies that he certainly doesn’t need that as well. I can’t afford to get sick and I can’t really afford for the youngest to get sick either where I need to stay home with her. I suppose we could make it work if we needed to but it would be hard.
So I supposed I need to sign off and start grading. Hopefully it will start to go quicker and I can get more done. We will see what happens. Hope everyone has a good Wednesday.