Archive | April 2019

Easy Day So Far

Had an easy day in class–finally got caught up with grading and handed assignments back.  Most of the grades were good so no static there.  Then we did evaluations.  So I left the classroom and assigned someone to bring them back to the English office.  So I’m sure some people had fun with that.

I need to get going now on my assignments for my classes.  I have two papers to write for Drama.  Then I have to do my final essay for Memoirs.  That shouldn’t be too hard.  I’ve gotten my professor to agree to what I want to do so that is good.  I also got suggestions from my Drama teacher about my final papers there so feel somewhat prepared to do that.  I will work on that this week before Easter and then afterwards.

I must just have spring fever.  I just don’t feel like buckling down and accomplishing anything.  I just want to sit outside in the sun and soak it all in.  We’re supposed to have nasty weather tonight but it is really nice out right now.  So I just want to be lazy.  Not a nice thing to admit but it’s true. I really need to work on that, but I don’t know if it’s a function of my bipolar for sure or not.  I know I don’t feel depressed but I’m acting depressed, Bob says, and that is part of it.

Have some more time here in the office before I can go home.  I will just hang out and relax and wait for people to come by and ask about their final grades.  We will see how that goes.  Hope everyone has a good day and a good rest of the week.




I wound up going back to bed after Bob and Rachel left this morning.  I was so sleepy.  I need to grade today (again!) but I should be able to do it this morning before lunch.  I’m looking forward to being done for a while once school is over.  I know I will miss it this fall if I don’t teach, though.

I did get out the books yesterday and looked over them to see if I did get that section if I would even be able to manage pulling a syllabus together on the short notice.  I decided I would after looking through the table of contents.  SO that was comforting.

Candy and Christy are here after me missing them for a while.  I’m glad we’ve been able to talk today. SO I don’t feel so lonely.  I am hungry though.  I can wait until lunch time, though.  I’ve lost some weight so that has been good to see happening. I have so much to lose, but I think I can do it as long as I look at it as a long-term project.

I need to get to work and get going on everything that needs doing.   Hope every has a happy and productive week.  Thanks for reading.


Pretty Day

It’s nice and sunny out but a bit chilly.  No matter.  I can cover up for the cold but can’t manufacture sunlight.  So that was a nice change from all the bad weather we had this weekend with the terrible storms and tornados.  So blessed that we escaped the worst of that–my middle daughter had a bit of a scare at school but there was no damage to the campus so that was good as well.

Got some of my grading done this morning and will finish the next bit probably after I finish typing here.  Such a slow class period. They were supposed to be working on their assignment due Friday but I had a lot absent today.  SO the final assignment might be more interesting than I expect.

I am awake this morning–spent all day yesterday awake.  I want to say that means I am getting better.  We had a healing service at church–whenever we have the Lord’s Supper, the pastor always asks people to come down and pray for healing, so I did for my bipolar.  He prayed over me and I have felt much, much better since then–in my mood, my alertness levels, etc.  So I am going to claim healing in this season and hold on to that.

And I am still losing weight.  I am not hungry very much but still want to snack out of boredom.  I get one snack a day and have been taking it in the afternoon.  Hopefully I can continue to lose on the diet and when I plateau, I can add back in exercise and continue to lose down to my goal weight.  God is good!

I need to go input attendance today so I will go and do that.  Hope everyone has a good day today!


Better Mood

Just had a good long talk with my oldest about everything going on–it’s her day off and she was heading into the park to eat lunch on Tom Sawyer’s Island.  WE had a really nice conversation; she was upbeat and happy.  So so nice to hear that.

I had been having kind of a rough morning up to that point–I almost fell outside the library carrying too much stuff trying to get back to my car after class.  I dropped all my folders all over the steps.  A very sweet girl helped me pick it all up after making sure I was all right.

WE go out to eat tonight with our sunday school class at a really fun place to eat–the Feathered Cow.  Not sure who all is going to be there but we should have a good time

Finished a book for class about two brothers who gambled away their entire inheritance in two years–part of my class on Memoirs.  It was interesting to respond to since I struggle with impulsive behavior as well  But I’ve gotten better and am better able to squash  such behavior before I act on it.  So that is a huge improvement in my disease.

I need to work on laundry after lunch and will see how that goes  Hope everyone has a good weekend and enjoys themselves.  Thanks for reading!

To Whoever

To whoever spent a lot of time reading this blog yesterday morning:  I hope you got some encouragement and peace from reading my story,  That is why I blog, and I hope you come back and visit again soon.

I talked with Tillie and had a good session with her. She reminded me that I had felt existentially hopeless like this before and we talked about the ways I got through it then.  So that was a good reminder.  Then I came home, ate lunch, then set up my radio outside, put it on an 80’s station, and graded papers for the early part of the afternoon. It took about two and a half hours, but I got them all finished and can now go back to class.    I give a test Friday and get another assignment handed in but if I work at it, I can get them done Friday before Bob gets home..  SO we will see how that goes.

THe sermon last night was challenging, talking about sharing your faith,  I’ve been doing this just a little bit with some of my classmates in Memoirs and it is weird seeing what kind of reaction I get.  Now that I’m stronger in faith I feel more led to be more open about it with them even though my campus is kind of a hostile environment for it.  They’re all so liberal and openminded about everything but Christians.  🙂  But I feel like I make more of a difference on this blog witnessing then I can one on one any way.

Well I suppose I need to get started on today’s agenda which includes grocery shopping.  Not sure what all I am going to buy but I need to go get more healthy food 🙂  Wish me luck!


I Don’t Understand

I don’t understand why I am so out of it.  I called in sick yesterday afternoon for today’s class because I just couldn’t bear to go.  I didn’t have anything graded and didn’t want to take up something else to be graded.  I hate grading in this class.  I hate this class. I don’t quite hate the kids but I am very, very disappointed in them.

THis all does not bode well for my plans to teach after I graduate.  If I can’t handle one class, I certainly can’t handle a full teaching load. And I don’t know if I want to ever try again.  But I also know myself in that I will get bored without it.  I need to find something I can do and enjoy at least somewhat.

At least I only have three weeks left.  I’m going to see Tillie this morning and see if we can’t devise a way for me to make it through those three weeks successfully and get all the papers graded.

I just feel sucky mentally.  Not suicidal at this point but I can see how if I don’t stop this right now in it’s tracks, I could easily get there.



Or so I tell myself.  Two weeks in a row I have decided I am going to grade papers on Tuesday because I don’t have anything to interrupt me, and two Tuesdays in a row I have failed at it.  I am still in my PJ’s and just got up a little bit ago after going back to sleep when everyone left.  I didn’t even sleep all that good because every time I woke up, I lambasted myself for being lazy. I am still coming off of caffeine and am having a terrible time waking up enough to do anything.

But the coming off of caffeine is working because I am actually losing weight on this diet.  I’ll know the total when I weigh in at the clinic in two weeks, but my home weigh-ins are showing a significant change.  I am so happy–it gives me strength to carry on with the restrictions.

I went ahead and sent another piece to the editor I talked about yesterday.  I don’t know what their reaction will be to it but we will see.  I decided to send it while I was still fresh on his mind and see what happened.  All I can do is all I can do.

I need to go to pick up prescriptions and  my contacts, so I guess I will get dressed, take a break from the grading I’m not doing, and head out to do that. Hopefully everyone else is being more productive than me.  Thanks for reading!


Improvement in Mood

Well, the girls did well at competition this weekend–they did three dances and scored Platinum (top ranking) for one of them and won two Judge’s Choice awards as well for the others.  So they were excited and happy with the results.   I managed pretty well–it helped that we were there for only part of the day both days and didn’t have to be there for twelve hours straight.

I have papers to grade so that is not so much fun.  But they won’t be as hard to grade now that they’re done right.  So that is good.  I have to catch up on reading for Drama and have to do discussions in Memoirs.  So I have my work cut out for me the last little bit–I have two papers due for Drama, one more for Memoirs plus the discussion posts, and then the final projects for both.  ALl in about a month to do them.  We will see how this goes.

I almost got into a really nice journal.  The editor wrote me a personal note that he really enjoyed reading “Learning Dance” and had discussions about including it in their next issue.  He said it was worth  submitting around to wherever I could find a fit for it, and he said he would like to see more work from me.  So I need to figure out what else to send in while he still remembers me 🙂  Trouble is everything else I have is related to bipolar and not really mainstream stuff.  I don’t know what really to send.

I guess I will run over and see what all I need to do for class this week.  See if my creative assignment has been graded and critiqued yet.  So far, so good. Happy MOnday!


Slow Improvement

The week is improving slowly today–I feel better and am actually losing weight with this new diet!  I am not as sleepy as I have been so maybe the caffeine is not as important as I thought. I am just glad to have an uptick in my mood so far today.

We head out of town to a dance competition this weekend–to Mobile, AL. We will see how it goes. I am glad this is the last out-of-town one  Then we only have another small one locally and then the recital.  So we will see how all that works out in the weeks that come.

I am turning in my creative exercise today and hope it will go over well.  I discussed what I wanted to do with my professor and she seemed very receptive to it and to what I wanted to shape it into for my final project. So that was encouraging

Then I need to start concentrating on Drama and doing my upcoming papers for it.  Ugh.

I need to do my laundry really quickly today and get that wound up.  I’ve already packed and all for the trip so am ready to go,  I just hope the rain actually does clear up like they say it will and we have a good drive this afternoon.

Let me  run on over to my school site and get that exercise turned in  Hope everyone has a good weekend this time and I will see you next week



So Down

My day today has not improved much over yesterday.  I am trying to do what I can to take care of myself when feeling down, and it is helping. But work still needs to be done, as we are going out of town this weekend for another dance competition.  I think this is the last out-of-town one of the season, so we will see what happens.

I have such a case of the munchies.  I know better than to give in to it so I am fighting it.  (and it’s not like we have a lot that is pleasureable to eat in the house now).  ALl of it is healthy stuff, just like I planned.  But the temptation is still there.  Luckily I don’t have any more errands to run so no chance to go out and get a Coke or a candy bar 🙂   I do know I am very sleepy without a coke right now. I may go lie down some more after I finish here.

I really need to ty to stay awake though.  I have more laundry to do so maybe I will go work on that.  Or maybe I’ll call and check on  my mom.

I guess I will go get to doing something.  Hope everyone is ending out their week well and ready to enjoy their weekend