Goofing Off

I shouldn’t be goofing off, but I am.  I’m sleepy all over again and I assume it’s because I’m back home with nothing to do.  I don’t know how long I will be able to stand this.  I know the summer is already half over and it won’t be long until I get back into classes for my degree, but this year is my last class-taking year.  After that is thesis.  Then I am done.  I don’t know how I am going to  cope after that if I don’t have something to do.  That’s always been the plan–to have something to do once I finish.  But so far I haven’t shown any stamina for writing outside of my class deadlines during the summers except for on this blog.

I need to sell work and produce new work.  I’m finding it hard to produce new work outside of classes.  That is the real shame in how I am feeling right now.  I fought so hard for the right to write and now I don’t seem to be able to without something external motivating me.  SO I guess I can only point the finger at myself at how purposeless I feel. If I were for real, I would spend all of this empty time writing,  But I don’t.  And that’s the real problem, right there in black and white.  I don’t want to write badly enough.

And with that insight, I will close and go do laundry.  Then will I be woman enough to write after that just because that what I say I want to do?  We will see.

 

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