That could be the title of the story of my life. I’m like Fannie Lou Hamer–sick and tired of BEING sick and tired. I don’t know why I am feeling it so keenly this morning–but I am.
I strive to be positive and to have positive things to say every day. Because my life is largely positive. On the surface, I don’t have a thing in the world to worry about.
But I know underneath the surface I am a quaking mass of insecurity and doubt and fear and nerves. I am delving into some of my memories of being young in my class writing, and it is bringing back a lot of bad memories of when I was sick and no one knew what was wrong with me–and didn’t seem all that interested in finding out.
Mental health awareness is gaining traction in our society. I see on facebook everyday someone posting a meme trying to create awareness or a testimony to what their mental health team means to them.
But I am so tired of taking five psychotropic meds a day trying to keep my stability. I keep feeling less than–like I should be able to handle life without them. But I can’t and I know it and it makes me tired and sad to acknowledge that every day when I pour those pills into my hand and swallow them down.
Bipolar disorder in particular is a miserable disease because even if you wake up feeling good–that could be a symptom of your disease. You cannot trust your feelings AT ALL
So pray for me today as I continue to cope with all the ramifications of my disorder and what it does to me every day. Pray that I can find my joy again that doesn’t come out of a bottle or from my diseased brain. Blessings to all. Thank you.