SO I am chowing down on a delicious cookie and suddenly feel the crown in the very back of my mouth comes off. Ick. SO I go into the dentist and they say I am the third person to come in with this that day and it happens every Halloween. So I did not feel quite so stupid. But they got it attached and I ate soup for lunch just to make sure to not disturb it.
I am losing my mind on this craft paper for Nonfiction Workshop. I happened to see my professor online in Facebook and sent her a one-word message: “HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.
She immediately responded with her phone number and I called and got some very good advice and support from her. I have never had her before so I didn’t know exactly what she was looking for. So we talked for a few minutes and I will start on the paper once I finish this post.
I am trying to finish it before my daughter gets in tomorrow from Disney World. I want to spend as much time as she wants together. So I am feeling better after eating. ANd the sun just came out after last night’s storms. It’s still cold out though. But the weather should be good for Halloween trick-or-treating, which I always look forward to answering the door.
No I am not typing to keep from working on my paper. At least I don’t think so. I need to start my youngest laundry then I will work. Wish me luck!
I need to do so many things. And I don’t feel like doing any of it. I just want to sleep. I’ve had one Coke and am about to drink another one, then go to the grocery store to get things we need. ANd I need to do Bob’s laundry. And I need to write my papers. All I have to do is put my mind to doing it all. But I don’t want to.
Talked to Bob last night about what all I talked to Tillie about, He was receptive and understanding. So that was good, Went to bed early because talking it all over made me so sleepy. wr
I hate myself when I get in this cycle. Why is it so hard to do things? I know it’s anxiety about doing it all right. But no one cares if I do it all “right”. THere is no right or wrong to doing these things. They just need to be done,
Anyway. I need to run to the grocery store. Talk to you all later. Have good days!
SO I saw both Dr., Bishop and TIllie today–told Dr. Bishop I was doing well and a little bit about what I had talked to Bob about my anxiety, which I then went into much more detail about with Tillie. She suggested that I continue being assertive about my feelings–telling him when I got anxious and what about and see if we could work on some of the patterns that had tied us up for so long. SHe felt like continued talking about it would short-circuit my tendency to repress until I exploded. So Bob and I are going to talk tonight some more about what she said and see what we can work out.
So that has been all morning today. I need to get laundry going this afternoon and get some of that taken care of before we get too deep into the week. I an exhusted from the therapy session and really want to go to bed. SO I am drinking a Coke to try to wake back up. ANd I need to run back to the grocery store to get some milk and some breakast bars for my youngest. WE will see how all that goes this afternoon,
Yucky weather this morning–misting all morning and no sunshine. They say the sun will come out later in the afternoon, so we will see if it clears up.
My oldest comes home this weekend for a visit–we have plans for different things to do so we will likely be busy all weekend. I go see Dr. Bishop tomorrow so we will see what goes on there. I will try to see Tillie after him–hopefully I will get out from seeing him in time to keep my appointment with her at 12. Going to be a long day certainly but I need to talk with Tillie about my talk with Bob and this deep anxiety I feel.
Need to work my way through the two papers I have due this weekend–one ofr the Welty Symposium and one for Nonfiction Workshop. I have started the Welty one but plan to finish it soon and don’t really know where to start the other one. But I’ll manage before long.
Don’t know much else to say. I am just trying to keep up with everything and manage the best I can. I’m not struggling yet but I can see it from here–hopefully TIllie will give me some answers so I can avoid going down hill through the holidays.
Hope everyone has a good week. Happy Monday!
Really slept in this morning–I didn’t get going until 10:20 a.m. getting ready to meet my friend Anita for lunch. We had a good visit–just talked about kids and family stuff. She had to head out quickly as she had a work conference call at 1 p.m. and had to drive back to Castlewoods. But we enjoyed chatting and having a good time.
We got enough Halloween candy I think. Four big bags. We should hand it all out–we have a lot of trick or treaters every year. We need to buy some for church as well and donate it. We may go shopping for that tomorrow. My youngest has dance practice then a competition locally for band, so she will be out of pocket most of the day. We will see how it goes.
This time next week my oldest will be here. She is coming in for a four day visit–we will go up Sunday and see my parents and sister and my new baby nephew. So hopefully that will go well.
I need to get going on my papers and should start Monday at the very latest. I want to get them done before my oldest gets here so I need to crank those out. I think it will be okay to do–i am going to write about Kendra Allen’s book and mention a few others for the Welty paper and see what I can do with the craft paper for Nonfiction Workshop. We will see how that turns out.
Hope everyone has a good weekend. WIsh me well getting everything done before my oldest gets here. Thanks for reading.
The school has moved the football game to tonight because Friday is supposed to have bad weather. SO things are going to be a little jacked up today. I need to go grocery shopping to see what we are going to eat tonight. Long day ahead doing that.
I am trying to do what I need to do for class this week and waiting on inspiration to do the papers that are due next Sunday. Not this SUnday thank goodness. I have ideas for them but as usual, I’m scared to start typing. If there’s anything that will break me of writing, it will be this new fear of the blank page at times. I don’t know what to do about it except start typing regardless. We will see how it goes next week.
I am waiting for Bob to call and chat about the morning. They start inventory tomorrow. Fun! At least I am not involved in any of that. I am going out to eat lunch with my friend ANita so that will be fun.
I am thinking about scheduling an appointment early with TIllie and talking about this anxiety I am having. Find a way to talk myself out of it. Maybe next week sometime. I think I will give her a call really quick. Hope everyone else has a good rest of the week.
I’ve caught up on the reading but now have to figure out what I am going to do about the essays due on Nov. 2. I’m supposed to confer with my professor about one and see what she can suggest for one of them. I just need to sit down and write the other one. I am so dragged out; still sleepy and not wanting to commit anything to paper yet because I just don’t feel like writing it.
Had another dream about news writing last night. Night before last I dreamed that I was back in news covering the Mississippi elections with one of my MFA guys as my editor. Last night I dreamed that I wound up passing a scoop I had discovered to the Clarion-Ledger without realizing that they would write it themselves and not let me do it. And this editor was someone I had gone to college with that was definitely not a newsie major. So that was weird.
I am starting to build a list of people I can interview about DDS and SSA and SSI and will likely start interviews next week. I am hoping for a response from SSA soon about talking to the regional people about Mississippi’s DDS since JoAnne Summers won’t cooperate.
WEll, we will see how the rest of the day goes. I will be at church tonight and hopefully will get some mental peace about how busy I a and how I can cope with it.
Trying to catch up on the reading I let go for my nonfiction class during the week of residency. It’s slow going.
MCIR has decided they want a new set of stories from me–a personal column on working for disability then filing for it, and a reported story on how to apply. SO I have the stats I asked for from the first time I was trying to include it in my story, and now I need to find some people to interview about it. I put out a call on facebook and it’s been shared some so I hope I find some people so I don’t have to interview family for it.
Had advising yesterday with my program director before I signed up for my last class of my program. I’m going to take a class from the same professor I have now called Forms in Pop Culture Writing. Which I don’t know exactly what that means, but it sounds like fun! SO we will see.
WEll I need to read some ore so I will leave here. Hopefully I will finish catching up and be able to do y discussion questions. Have a good day!
I sat down with Bob after the football game Saturday while Rachel was gone and we had a long talk about my anxiety. I told him that I constantly worried in a pathological way about pleasing him. That I felt like it went all the way back to when we were dating and that I had failed to establish boundaries with him because I was so scared he would not stay with me. I told him I did not know how to break the cycle and I didn’t know what to do about it except talk to Tillie about it and tell him about it so that I could somehow get out from under the tyranny of the fear.
He said that I probably needed to talk to Tillie about it and that he would be willing to come in for sessions about it if Tillie felt like he needed to. He was genuinely surprised when I told him how afraid I was and how pervasive the fear was. WE did talk about the writing and he reiterated that if something was going to break us up, it would be if I got to that place of obsession again with my writing.
I told him I was even getting afraid to talk to him about how many good things were happening in that area because I didn’t want him to become hypervigilant. He did finally say he felt bad that he couldn’t get behind my writing because of the obsessions–he said in a normal situation he knew he should be a cheerleader for it. SO that helped.
WE will see what happens. I just felt like it was time to talk about it instead of keeping on living with it. Pray that we can get this sussed out and that Tillie and I can work on it and she will know when to include him in the sessions where it can do the most good.
My new nephew Knox Liddell King is here finally! Almost eight pounds and with a headful of black hair according to my mom. No pictures yet but she said Summer (my sister) and Knox were fine. So that is exciting. We may not see him until my oldest comes home and we go up. SO they can get him home and settled in and we won’t be underfoot. My daddy is so over the moon about finally having a boy in the family. He just had me and my sister, then I had three girls, then she had a girl, so he had about given up hope. But now he is excited, it seems.
Had a good day yesterday-I worked on my essay for class and cant get it to write one word past 2,000 words. I’m just out of words. I may try to dig up some research on what I’m writing about (bipolar obsessions) to fill it out the rest of the way. We will see.
I think I am about to run and go get lunch and then go grocery shopping. I am trying to stay awake and not succeeding very well. I am so sleepy. But the baby is here and no more time to worry about him. God is good. Hope everyone has a good weekend.