Archive | February 2020

So I Started Feeling Bad Yesterday

And I managed to get in with my doctor and I have the flu.  I feel crummy. I woke up last night at midnight and never got back to sleep until after I took my medicine this morning. I ache and I have a high fever so I am taking a ton of meds to try to feel better.

I am going to cut this short and go eat lunch.  Don’t know what I’ll eat, but I need something on my stomach to take all the medicine.

 

Well. . .

I think I figured out an alternate reason why I’m so dissatisfied with my work lately. I’ve never been able to see my work with any objectivity.  At all. I think maybe I’ve finally developed that editor’s mind that says, “I really need to do this, that, and the other thing before sending it out.” So I like that explanation better than I’ve just suddenly started writing garbage. So we will see what this means for my work from here on out.

I got a note back from the Covey Club about my story about going back to school–they did some line editing but liked it overall. Another editor is going to look at it and then we will see when they publish and when they’ll pay.  SO that was exciting last night.

I think I am coming down with something again. Not the same throat business, just a regular cold or sinus something. I am sneezing and my chest hurts when I cough. I just drank a big cup of water to get some fluids in me and see if that helps. It is brutally cold today–I’m even cold in the house and that is unusual.

I am seriously thinking about getting back in bed I feel so physically bad. I need to wach Bob’s laundry so I will get that going before I do. I finally got my head back on straight and now my body is giving out again.  I can’t win for losing, I think.  Hope everyone has a Happy Thursday.

 

Dissatisfied

I am really dissatisfied with the writing I have been putting out in my classwork lately.  It seems that I am sloughing off on the assignments and not putting as much effort into them as usual.  Maybe because I’m not writing in my wheelhouse of mental health? Or in my mental health journey? There’s no one to blame but myself, but I wonder if I am experiencing senioritis or something in that this is the last class before thesis and I am just over being in classes? There’s only a week and a half before spring break, which is the halfway point. I just feel like I am not giving my all in it and wonder why.

Maybe I just need to talk to my professor. I don’t know.

Anyway. I am having a slow morning and looks like a slow afternoon, too. Just laundry this afternoon if  I can get up the energy to do it.  I don’t know if I didn’t sleep good last night or what.

And now I have yawned for five minutes straight. I am really craving the effects of caffeine this morning but so far am holding fast to not getting any, not even tea. So things are still going well in that department. So I guess I will just take today as a mixed bag and deal with it.  Hope everyone has  a good day and a good rest of the week.

 

Actually Awake

I feel like I got a decent night’s sleep last night. That’s always good to know. I feel like I can stay awake this morning and don’t need to sleep in. I need to refill some medication today and go see Tillie midday so that will be good.  I keep losing my cursor on the computer this morning.  Don’t know what is going on there to mess up my typing.

I’m listening to a collaboration album between Duke Ellington and Louis Armstrong and it is so good.  Two greats in conversation together. I am really in a good mood this morning and looking forward to seeing Candy and Christy when they get here.

I don’t hardly know what to do with myself–I still have outstanding stats with SSA for my MCIR story and haven’t heard back on when my other stories might be coming out. So I am kind of in a holding pattern.  I did send out a bunch last night over submittable so I have those to wait on now as well.

WE will see what happens today.  Hope everyone has a good day and enjoys their time today.

Nothing Doing

I am still at a standstill on writing projects beyond classwork.  I am reading essays this week for class so that will be easy.  Then I’ll have to critique other students’ essays in workshop so that will be a little more difficult.

The dance competition was okay this weekend.  Our team won third in their category for one dance and that was all. But our daughter enjoyed it and had fun with her dance friends so that was nice.  I made it better than usual so that was good as well.

I go see Tillie tomorrow and follow up with her about where things are going. I feel so much better than I did so I think it’s going to be okay. I just want to get though the dangerous period safely and think that going to the doctor as quick as I did helped. He did say one thing that worried me–he said if this new mediciation combo did not work the next step would be ECT.  So that was a little unnerving. That maybe I;m really running out of options here,

But I am doing better so that has been averted for the time being. Always good to know.

I’m going to see what I can get accomplished today.  See you all tomorrow.

 

No New Projects

So far no developments on any of the stories I have to  do so it has been a slow day. I sent off a draft of the going-back-to-school story and am waiting to hear from it, and I am waiting to hear back from the stories I sent to BP Hope when they might run or if they need editing. AND I’m waiting for SSA to get back to me with some data on Mississippi and the southeast region.  That’s a lot of waiting around.

I am trying to think of some kind of special content I can provide in March in case I have an influx of new readers for my blog from BP Hope.  ALl I can come up with is a series of book reviews on mental health books or possibly rerunning old content on my first brush with the hospitals when I was in my running-away-from-home phase, updated with things I know now about my disease.  ANyone else have any ideas?

I’m even more or less caught up on my homework for class. SO that is good. I can go to the dance competition without worrying about doing that once I get home. SO I am actually free to do laundry, pack, do a little grocery shopping, and do some more filing for my office this afternoon.  I guess I will spend time doing all of that. We will see how it goes.

I guess I will go get started on all that.  Hope everyone has a good weekend.

 

Psych Follow-Up

SO again I am doing well and am going to tell Dr. Bishop that this morning. It’s an early appointment so I will have plenty of time to see him then go see Katrina for lunch at 11 a.m. I’m looking forward to that.  I hope we can have a good time talking shop.

I did filing yesterday and my youngest helped me do some decorating on my shelf unit last night.  We pulled photographs out of my closet and put them on my shelves along with books.  Finally found places for my Mulder and Scully Barbies and my Legally Blond Barbie.  They’re up on top of my shelf. I supposed I need to dig out my Elvis Barbie too and put it up there, but it can wait. It’s not my favorite.

I follow up with Tillie again on TUesday–she wanted to see me after I saw Dr. Bishop again. I sure am glad this  med change has had an effect so I don’t have to do ECT.  That was scaring me a little bit. But I am doing so much better. I’m not even tempted to try to go back to sleep and see if I can wake up in time. So that is nice.

I’m going to try to leave at eight so I can negotiate the wet roads and the traffic this time of day and still get there on time. It’s supposed to be cold tomorrow and I don’t know what that’s going to do with all the wetness in the air.

Writing

The happiness is continuing–the furniture people came out and fixed my bookshelf and I have written a new article all this morning.  So I am very much in my happy place today.  I’m going to start loading my desk and shelves and files with my stuff after lunch and see what all I can get accomplished.

I need to work on laundry as well but I’m energized enough that that shouldn’t be a problem.  WE go to church tonight and that will be good. The only shadow is that Bob is still not feeling well. I wish eh could get some relief from his bronchial problems. ANd it continuing to rain and flood in Jackson  Luckily we are a long way away from the flood zone. But it just KEEPS RAINING!  No idea on when the water’s going to recede.

WEll. I am going to go start lunch.  I have ben busy and I am hungry.  Still avoiding the Cokes and I feel so good being able to say that. Hope everyone has a happy Wednesday!

 

Happy

It feels dangerous to say this out loud. I am truly happy right this moment. I’m settled in to my writing, I have a direction I haven’t felt in a long time, I have a happy family life, and I feel right in my head for the first time in a long time.  I have friendships, I have good music, I feel right in my own skin.

Having said all that, I’m afraid for the other shoe to drop.

But I can’t live in that space, afraid for the future.  I need to be joyful and happy where I am. I don’t need to rest alone in my circumstances but in my eternal rescue as well.

Nothing in particular has brought me this feeling today–it’s just there. And I am glad for it. Thankful and glad.

 

 

Awake

FInally.  It’s a school holiday here so I slept in since my daughter was doing so as well. But we had a good weekend–my youngest had her family party–that went well.  My furniture was delivered for my office so I am now typing in it and slowly settling into it.  My shelf unit had one of the shelves broken out of it during delivery so I am waiting on them to schedule someone to come out and fix it this week so I can start putting books and what not into it.  I am looking forward to that part.

Got a fiction acceptance finally yesterday as well! It was the first time I sent that piece out I think or maybe the second because I really didn’t think it was much at all–I had done it as an exercise for fiction workshop and called it “The Zen Masters” talking about a certain type of patient on the mental ward I’ve noticed.  An outfit called McQueen’s picked it out of a batch I sent them and wants to publish it in March.  So that made me happy.

My mood is holding up even though I forgot to take my meal time meds last night.  I could just kick myself. I don’t know how to make sure I remember them every time. I try and try but have now forgotten twice. All I can do is all I can do.  Its just going to take time to form that habit.

WEll. I will soon need to get ready to take my youngest out, Hope everyone has a good day.