Know how I said I didn’t feel any relief when I told my editor I had to pull back from writing for them? Well, it came gradually over the rest of the day. I actually opened my book document and got work done on it yesterday without feeling guilt, actually feeling excited about working on it. It was a wonderful feeling. I feel like I have my life back. My freedom. I want to continue to revise on it until the end of July, then send out queries starting in August as well as start the next manuscript, A Year Without Writing. It feels good for the fear and constraints to be gone.
Finally heard from the furniture people—my youngest’s bed will be delivered tomorrow between two and five. I know she will be excited to have it when she comes back from my parents’ house. She has gone to spend the rest of the week and the weekend with them, and Bob and I will go up and celebrate Father’s Day with my dad on Sunday and bring her back.
I’m not sleeping away the days anymore. Which of course is a blessing and a curse. I might be doing better, or I might be going manic. Won’t know until it hits which one it is. I am going to keep an eye on myself because of the history, but I am NOT going to live straitjacketed by fear. I am going to enjoy the feeling as long as I can. I cannot live waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s not worth the stress. Pray for me to feel more free and secure in my journey.
Well, I need to go take my lunch medicine and finish some laundry left over from the trip. Hope for everybody to have a good rest of the week. Godspeed.