Flat

That pretty much describes how I feel today. I feel flattened by everything going on and like I can’t get up off the floor and do anything about it. And there’s nobody to try to take anything stacked on top of me off of me. I just don’t know what to do. I feel better lying down on the bed and letting it flatten me for real rather than sit up, stay awake, and sit with the worries. Sleep offers a respite from the whirling dervishes in my head.

I just go through my days quietly and uncomplainingly and wonder if I’m going to live on a high-wire for the rest of my life. Balancing depression and mania, trying to still figure things out after living fifty damn years and no end in sight to walking this tightrope over and over again and never ending. I just don’t know what to do.’

I think I’m going to go lie down and rest until Bob comes in. Hope everyone is having a better start to their week.