Still Not Clicking

I am still not clicking with the program. I am tired and losing motivation quickly. I am shutting down, and I don’t really know why. I am sleeping hard at night so that is good. But I need to work and am having such a hard time. I think it’s a temporary reaction to my middle one’s difficulty. But I talked to my oldest last night and things are not going well–she has been put to work on nights and feels really helpless to change it before she goes back to her original location in January. She may just have to stick it out. And that will be hard.

Candy is here and we have been talking–it’s good to have a friend. She’s by herself since Christy had a prior appointment today so I have tried to stay out of her way so that she can stay on schedule.

I dreamed a whole novel last night. It looked a lot like Dear John by Nicholas Sparks which I’ve never read but saw in the movie theater a long time ago. I don’t think I could write it better than he did, but it was an interesting dream.

I guess if I’m going to get to work that I need to wind up here. Hopefully getting lunch soon and going grocery shopping will perk me up and make me feel accomplished. And then I can build on that. Godspeed.

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Happy News

Got a notification yesterday that a short story, Sow The Wind, that I sent off eight months ago has been accepted! No money involved, but it is a good publication so I am excited. It is supposed to be published in 2022 at some point. I have to fill out paperwork and such but that’s no problem. I am just happy it’s placed somewhere.

I had hoped to write the Sean Hunt story today, but I’m really tired and don’t know if I am mentally sharp enough. I have other stuff to do as well so I need to work on those things. We will see what all I get done today.

Our heater did get fixed–turned out there was a blocked hose that needed cleaning out so he did that. He said he should have thought to do that the last time he came and therefore wouldn’t take any payment. We protested that we should pay him for coming out on a Sunday, but he refused it. So that was interesting.

My middle one got back to Indiana safely. We heard from her once she got there, and I’m going to try to call or text her tonight and see how she is doing. She was so tired yesterday for good reason. But we loved having her, and she plans to come down Christmas and for our trip to Florida after New Year’s. I wish she would fly New Year’s but she insists on driving.

So everything is going well–I am in a good mood even if I don’t feel as sharp as usual. It’s not elevated–it is just lasting for a long time, which I think is good. I’m working hard to just stay aware and present with everything. I found out yesterday that I lost the adventure of trying to replace one of our Christmas trees last year. I remembered the lights had gone out on one of them, but my youngest informed me yesterday that finding the new one was a fiasco. I don’t remember it at all.

So if i am going to get back to work, I need to do it. Hope everyone is doing well here at the start of the Christmas season. Stay safe with the new variant. Get the shot! Godspeed.

Cold

Our heater has cut out. So the HVAC guy has, out of the goodness of his heart, said he would come by today and see what was wrong. Depending on what he says, we will either have heat when he leaves or I will be going to Wal-Mart for a space heater because Bob cannot warm up. He had a bad allergic attack yesterday and is still not over it. He took four Benadryl, two while we were out and two once he got home. So we are having lots of troubles over here, but my mood is good and I am holding up well. I think we are going to get lunch from Ramey’s once he leaves and save what all I bought yesterday for tonight and tomorrow.

My middle one headed out this morning. She seemed good, but I am more scared now that I was when she was here. It was last year after she got back to her apartment from Thanksgiving at home that she attempted suicide–and there’s no one there to save her this time. I prayed with Brother David at church that she would be safe through the holidays and be able to make it back down for Christmas.

Our oldest has been flooding us with cute baby pictures so that is nice. She and her husband have both had to work much of the holiday but seem to be in good spirits so far. We go see them after New Year’s this year. Our youngest said she could not sleep last night so she stayed home with Bob from church and I think is awake now. We will see how things go after the HVAC guy leaves.

Hope all of you reading are ready for a good start to your week. Please think about all of us as we face our own struggles through the holiday season. Pray for us. Godspeed.

A Very Good Day

Today is shaping up to be a very good day. We slept in a bit and I cooked breakfast–now my middle one is getting her car taken care of with an oil change and tire check. Our heater is acting up again so that is a bit of a bummer, but we’re going to run a portable heater this weekend and get it checked out Monday.

We went to the high school game and they won! So Brandon High is playing for the state championship next weekend in Hattiesburg. We won’t go but our youngest will as part of the band. We got cold at the game and came home at halftime, then watched it online until the end. Very exciting game but we won so that is what matters.

We will probably go to lunch in a while and get the trees down to decorate after that. Not sure if we’ll do them today while my middle one is here or if we will wait until tomorrow. Depends on what everyone wants to do.

My mood is still really good–we’re just celebrating having my middle one here. I suppose I need to run so we can soon leave to go get something to eat for lunch. Hope everyone else enjoys their holiday weekend and starts to turn their hearts to Christmas and the reason for the season. Godspeed.

Wonderful Holiday

We had a very good holiday time with Bob’s parents and my parents. We got to deer camp around four p.m. and met up with my in-laws and my youngest, then my middle one got in later after driving from Indiana. We were so happy to see her and she seemed happy to see us. We had a steak dinner that night then Thanksgiving lunch the next day.

Then we went to my parents and my nephew was just not having anything to do with anyone but his daddy. He screamed like a banshee when his daddy put him down and told him to go play. He was like that until we got to eat. My cousins Kristi and Sunja came, too so we just had a good time except for my mom. She took out the ham to season it one more time and the liquid was boiling hot and spilled on her pants leg and sock. Burned her foot pretty good. My sister treated it with Preparation H really good all over the burns and we did our best to get her to sit down and the rest of us finish the rest of the heating up and work. She says she is fine this morning but I cautioned her to watch it really carefully and go to the doctor if it started hurting worse or the skin started pulling loose. I hope she does get some attention to it after the holiday.

So we came back this morning and went out to lunch and I’ve just now had time to sit. I feel better now than I did when I was up there. I was very tense, took my Klonopin kind of tense. My father-in-law was not doing well at all; he finally wound up getting sick after the game last night. He felt really bad this morning. The State-Ole Miss game was atrocious. We had three passes dropped in the send zone on the last drive of the half and never quite recovered from that. Wound up losing 31-21. Which is just what happens when you drop passes in the end zone.

My mood is good today. I am so proud that I made it through the holidays with a minimum of disruption to my mood. I need to go take my lunch medicine so I will run go do that as soon as I finish here. Hope everyone has a good start to the Christmas season. Godspeed.

GREAT NEWS!

My middle one did get discharged yesterday! So she is on her way here even as we speak. I wish I could say that her stay did her some good, but she says it didn’t. She didn’t learn anything in group and wasn’t told anything to help her cope better. She is going to sign up for an outpatient program that she hopes will help her cope better once she gets back from visiting us. So hopefully she can get the help she needs once she gets back and gets into a long-term treatment program. I wish we were closer so we could support her more, but we’re not and there’s nothing that can be done about that right now.

My oldest took her baby to the doctor yesterday for a check-up and they said he is doing really well. He’s advanced for his age in motor skills, etc.–rolling over, holding up his head, etc. puts him at six-month developmental milestones so my oldest was proud of him. I can’t wait to see him once we get there after New Year’s.

My mood is really good today. I am thanking God for showing my middle one favor and now I am hoping that prayer will help my oldest as well with her scheduling conflict. The whole situation is just ridiculous. But I am praying hard for that as well.

Well, I have things to do before we leave this afternoon to go to deer camp for Thanksgiving. They don’t have internet up there, so I will not post tomorrow and will probably post about mid-day Friday once we get back. Here’s hoping everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Godspeed.

Visiting With The Baby

Got to video chat with my grandson over Facebook this morning. He was eating breakfast and my oldest decided to chat me up so I could see how good he ate. He is a champ at eating off that spoon. He was eating sweet potatoes mixed with rice cereal/formula. So he liked that a lot. He goes to the doctor today for a checkup so that will be good as well. It was so nice to see him coo and goo for a little while.

We haven’t heard from our middle one again. Each hour that goes by today feels heavier and heavier that we won’t be able to see her for Thanksgiving. But there’s still hope in my heart, and I am still praying that she will find favor and get out sometime this afternoon. I just don’t understand all the ins and outs of this situation. I think there are things we’re not being told, and that hurts.

I am still waiting for some last information on my story and trying to see what last few details I can nail down. I will turn it in first thing next week after Thanksgiving if I get that information. Then I will start in on the next story. We will see how it goes.

My mood is still good so that helps. Talking with my grandson helped :). I am just trying to stay positive for my own sake so that I don’t sink into a depression myself. Going to the hospital myself would be grim. SO I am not going to go there in my head. I’m going to pray for her which is the best thing I can do and keep my own chin up. Hope everyone else can do the same. Godspeed.

Kidnapped

That’s the word my middle daughter is using about her mental health stay. She says that now she is being told that she has to stay 7-10 days because “the program” lasts that long. She says she didn’t sign up for any program–she checked herself in because they told her they would “detain” her for three days if she didn’t. She told them she had out-of-state travel plans and needed to be out Tuesday and when she started crying after they told her she wasn’t going to leave, she was told she was “emotionally unstable” and that she was exhibiting symptoms of “borderline personality”. It sounds sketchy as all get out from some other details she gave us. I have no idea what to do besides pray she finds favor with whoever is in charge there. She says she’s not suicidal now and just wants to come home. We told her to try to call her psychiatrist and see if they can get her out. That’s all we know to say.

And my oldest one got a blow as well–she is being switched to night shift again. She explained that it had to do with job classification and availability and etc. etc. But she is still upset and up the creek without a paddle. SHe has her day schedule for a week but then she is scrambling for childcare at night once she starts her new schedule. We are praying that sometime during the week something can get worked out so she can keep that day schedule and care for her son at night.

I wound up taking a Klonopin last night I was so upset about all of this. SO I slept in until 9;30 a.m. But I’m up and awake and praying now. And working. I can’t believe the powerlessness I feel. I hope my daughters know how to advocate for themselves but the world seems determined to grind them up and spit them out. I just don’t know what else to do.

Hope everyone else’s week is going better than this. I know who’s in control and am praying mightily for the best outcome, no matter what that is. Godspeed to all.

No More News

I thought we might hear from my middle one again last night, but we didn’t. Our oldest called and asked us point blank if we had heard from her, so we told her about the hospitalization. I suppose we will tell our youngest today. Not sure about telling anyone else–we will probably warn the grandparents to be gentle with her if she does come down Thanksgiving.

My youngest goes to see my parents this afternoon for the Thanksgiving break. My in-laws will be in the same area because that is where my father-in-law hunts, so she will see them later in the week. We will work it all out. We go up Thanksgiving morning to see everyone.

So sleepy. I didn’t go to sleep in church, but I did shut my eyes on and off. I try so hard to stay awake. I wonder what is wrong with me. i am not sleeping during the day so much, so I thought I was over it. I guess I need to sleep later or something. I had a Dr. Pepper this morning so I thought I would be awake.

My mood is still good–I am worried about my middle one and also having flashes of anxiety about my parents with this story I am working on. I hope there’s no blowback on them from it when it publishes. And if there’s blowback on me, I can just write another article on it! That’s my failsafe.

Well, that’s all I know is going on. Just trying to keep my head above water. We will make it. Thanks for reading and for praying. Godspeed.

Crisis for My Middle One

My middle daughter called us last night and said she was in a behavioral health facility where she lives. She said she had been having trouble for about two months–one month ago she tried to go inpatient and it didn’t work out so she came home. She has been in conversation with her psychiatrist and they were thinking about changing her diagnosis to borderline personality disorder. I told her to fight to hold on to her mood stabilizers because with what she has told me about her “up” periods, I fully believe she is bipolar. I don’t want her going through unnecessary mood swings just to convince a new doctor that she is bipolar. But aside from that. She believes she is going to be there through Sunday and is still planning to come down for Thanksgiving.

I hate to say I am not surprised, but I’m not. This time last year is when she made her first suicide attempt and I know I tend to have te most trouble around those times myself. I just hope she can hold it together and not miss so much work that she cant keep her job. That is the most worry I have right now, because if she loses her job, I am scared she will really tank mentally.

Her older sister called this morning wanting to know if we had heard from her, and I told her the story and she was all, “You should have told me.” I told her we didn’t know ourselves until late last night, too late to call her. She was still not mollified when we got off the phone. So there’s that.

We are waiting on our youngest to come home from her spend-the-night with her friends. They won the game last night so we will be coming back from Thanksgiving on Friday.

So my mood is mixed this morning. I’ve been praying so I am not as upset as I could be. But I have faith she will be taken care of there and that she will come out better than when she went in. I am just glad she recognized it and went in before it got so bad that she made another attempt.

Godspeed everyone.