Archive | June 2022

A Little Improvement

I had a lot of trouble yesterday, too. I kept glitching things. I finally contacted my supervisor and asked if there was something simple I could do that afternoon that could be completed easily. I just said that the catching-up process on both tasks I was concentrating on was very overwhelming. So I got a break and fixed something else that needed fixing in our recordkeeping system. I think it took care of a problem coming down the road when we get to another task that been left undone for a long time. So we will see how today goes.

I feel better knowing I identified at least one of the problems I was having. I still don’t know why I was so sleepy Tuesday and couldn’t work at all. But figuring out the problem with the workflow I was having yesterday did a lot for my confidence today. SO I feel better able to tackle the big workflow problem again. We will see.

Tomorrow I do all my running around with Dr. Bishop, Tillie, and Holly. So I will be busy but it’s all good, important stuff to get taken care of. I can talk through my anxiety with Tillie and get a better handle on it hopefully. So that will be good.

SO I’m hoping today will be better even. So think about me today with my overwhelm. Thanks so much for reading!

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Bad Day Yesterday

I had a very, very bad day.

I drove into work and almost didn’t make it there. I could not keep my eyes open. I caught myself weaving on the interstate. I can’t remember the last time I did that. It’s used to happen a lot when the kids were little but not since then.

Then I got to work and couldn’t type worth anything. Couldn’t concentrate. I just wanted to lie down on the floor and go to sleep. After an hour of this, I just called Bob. He said he would come get me after I told him about my driving.

SO I slept most of the day yesterday.

I still don’t know what happened. I felt better in the afternoon and woke up on time this morning, but it was scary.

Now I don’t know if I need to try to go in or not today. I feel better than yesterday, but I felt okay starting yesterday off, too. The temptation is to try to work from home today and tomorrow when I usually do. I think that’s what I’ll do. Split the difference between going to work and risking another drive and not working at all. SO I’m going to text my boss.

Here’s to having a better day.

Rushed

I’m rushed this morning. I didn’t get up with the first alarm and was glad Bob had a second one set at 6:30 a.m. So I am trying to finish everything before I have to leave. But I am still so sleepy.

I also didn’t make a list to accomplish for today and will kind of be winging it. But going in to work, and I already know what the priorities are for the job right now, so it’s kind of taken care of for me. So I will power away and see what all I can get done.

I feel in a good mood this morning and am slowly waking up enough to know that it’s going to be a good day today. Such a freeing feeling to know that even as my day is not starting as well as I would like. I need to run now and get ready. Hope everyone has a good day. GOdspeed.

Bit by Bit

I’m starting to make headway on getting stuff done with these lists. I finally sorted my laundry this morning and now I’m waiting for Candy and Christy to come. They’re coming a day early this week so I actually get to visit with them while they’re here. So that’s good. And I go see my friend Betsy today for lunch so I’m really looking forward to that.

After lunch I need to go to the grocery store and buy a bit and see where I need to fill the fridge and pantries. We are trying to only buy fresh food so as to keep up with our maintenance phase of our diet. So right now the fridge is completely empty. I’ll buy meals and fruit for the week and see how that goes.

I spent the weekend putting together a Pinterest account for the blog. I’m @julieliddellwhitehead on there if you want to follow me. I’ve collated all my BPHope articles and MCIR articles there and will be cross-posting the blog there as well. So that has been fun to learn.

My mood is really good, but I slept in a bit this morning and that worries me some. But hopefully I will get up on time tomorrow and get to work well. I’ll be by myself in the office–my boss worked ComicCon this weekend and is taking today and Tuesday off as a result. Hopefully my big boss will be back from COVID so that will be good as well.

I guess I will wind up now. Going to be a busy day but looking forward to getting everything done today. Hope everyone has a good week. Godspeed.

A Day Already

We went to Sunday School this morning and Bob had to come home because of some cleaning solution floating around in the air. So we are home early. He said he’s not leaving the house again because he feels so bad, so my youngest and I are going to go out and bring lunch in to him. I guess that will be my anniversary present to him. Twenty-nine years ago today we got married.

I’m getting my writing muscles back and I am so HAPPY. I wrote my BPHope post yesterday and will wait for it to go live. I wrote scenes for my fiction project and have a good bit more to go and a little more than a month to do it in. So I feel so good about that. I read a piece at my writing workshop’s Zoom meeting this weekend that was well-received. So I am feeling empowered right now. I look forward to doing more in the weeks to come.

My mood has been good, and this new method of prioritizing my day has helped tamp down my anxiety a lot, so I am looking at making a good report when I go see my counselor and doctor this Friday. I am all tied up Friday with appointments and will have to move fast to make them all. But it should be fine. I will get a lot done that day that needs to be done.

I guess I need to run and get a few other things done before lunch. Thanks for coming by and reading. Godspeed.

Still Winning

the battle over anxiety. Another good day yesterday handling everything I had to handle on my list and then some. It’s a remarkable shift in perspective–to stop worrying about whether you’re going to meet your goals to breaking down those goals into small, achievable tasks. I know that’s not a new notion but putting it into practice has certainly eased my anxiety down significantly.

I woke up early today and decided to get a jump on the day and go ahead and get up. I was hungry and wanted breakfast. We have a good day planned today–Bob’s going to Sam’s Club this morning, then we’ll go shoe shopping for sneakers to wear at Disney World in a few weeks, then we’ll come home so I can do a Zoom call for my workshop, then tonight we take my youngest out to eat for winning the high school band’s flag guard captain position. I think it’s going to all go well.

I just can’t get over how much better I feel right now than a few weeks ago. Don’t know how long it will last, but I will certainly enjoy it while I’m here. Bipolar disorder isn’t any fun but having days when you can forget you have it is a really cool feeling. So I have more goals to reach today so I’ll say goodbye for now. Love to all.

It Worked!

My list worked! I not only did everything on the list, but I also did three additional tasks and got to relax last night knowing I had accomplished what I wanted to throughout the day. My anxiety was still a little loud thinking of what I needed to put on the list for today, but I wrote down seven things again last night before I went to bed and promptly put it all out of my mind. I can’t believe how well it worked!

I believe it’s going to be another good day today. I am off work so will have plenty of down time to recharge my brain; I have a blog post to do for BPHope so that is on the list. I think I’m going to propose another topic on this discovery about how I can manage my anxiety for them. I am so excited about it and want to share it with other people. That’s always a good sign.

We have a good weekend planned. We’re going out for a nice dinner Saturday night because my youngest made flag guard captain and that is how we celebrate big accomplishments. I’m just glad Bob is feeling like going out of the house again. He has really been reclusive except for going to work. And that is so fraught because he worked with his dad every day. So at least he is starting to move out of his shell.

I suppose that is all for today. We will see how today goes. WIsh me well in fighting the anxiety again! Godspeed to all.

Good Morning!

Today already feels like a good day. I am going to be working on something fun for my job and that should be good. It’s intricate, but it gets me happy emails from authors so is very rewarding. I mean to work hard today and get a lot done. We will see.

I decided yesterday that since my anxiety from my bipolar disorder seemed to be here to stay, I would just have to cope with it the best I could. So I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish today and plan to check things off of it as I do them. So there is a visual record of everything I accomplish so there isn’t any “I can’t get anything done!” anxiety. And I kept the list under ten things so that there isn’t any “I have too much to do!” anxiety. And I have it planned for my lunch hour so there isn’t any “I don’t have time to do anything!” anxiety. SO I hope I can talk back to my inner critic and get it down to a whisper instead of a constant screaming. That would be nice.

I also plan to listen to good music and relax while working. It’s a hard trick to pull off, but I’m going to try.

Wish me well with the new plan. Godspeed to all.

Taking Steps

I took a few steps yesterday to work on my anxiety. I wrote in my workshop about my fear of the page; I concentrated hard on work and didn’t let my mind wander; and I set boundaries and enforced them in another area of my life. I feel much better this morning and will be working at the office today concentrating on that work instead of on my anxiety. I haven’t completely gotten rid of it. But I’m not screaming inside my brain constantly like I was yesterday morning either.

Had a very productive interview with a state agency yesterday about some of the stories I’ve been doing for MCIR; we have about three more in the hopper to work on but the meeting added extra urgency to doing it. I HAVE to try to make phone calls this afternoon and get more information.

Bob is having a very hard time. He is helping his mom get all the paperwork in line to settle his dad’s estate, and It’s hard on him emotionally because it keeps his dad’s death front and center in his mind. He can’t get away from it. So pray that he can find some peace.

Okay. That’s all for this morning. Pray I can keep the anxiety at bay today and can accomplish what I need to accomplish today at work and at home. Thanks for reading.

Anxiety

Finally yesterday I worked myself into a tizzy abut my anxiety–to the point that I had to take an extra Klonopin. I’m just not making any sense to myself. I’m anxious about all kinds of things but most of all about my inability to CONTROL my anxiety. Nothing like being anxious about being anxious. It just absolutely snowballs into a huge mix of garbage floating around in the South China Sea of my brain, clogging up every avenue I try to use to get away from it.

I finally got away from it enough last night to cook dinner, even though I burned most everything. But everyone ate it and no complaints. I just wish I could find my way to working better for MCIR. I feel like I am taking advantage of them by working so slowly. That said, I do have an interview with the Department of Mental Health about a series of stories I am working on about the mentally ill in county jails. So that’s a plus.

But first I get through the day at work. I have so much I can do! :). I’m looking forward to completing some more tasks there and taking care of some nagging issues we’ve been leaving alone until it’s tame to take care of them. We will see how it goes. Godspeed to all.