Archive | August 2022

Scared

My youngest just texted Bob; she’s been rearended on the way to school. I don’t know how bad it is–I just pray that it’s not as bad as mine was. I hope she’s okay. He wouldn’t let me come with him because he didn’t know exact details–but I fully expect to have to take her to school and what not. And just when my anxiety seemed under control. I don’t know what else to say.

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Water Crisis

So since Jackson, Mississippi has no water pressure, I think I will be working from home all week. I hope it goes better than yesterday.

I had severe problems coping yesterday with work, and then wound up taking off for the day at 10:45 a.m. Then I was trying to go to the grocery store when I picked up a screw in my tire and had to spend most of the rest of the day at the tire place getting it fixed. I also went in to see my psychiatrist after the tire place and he put me on something for sleep apnea grogginess. So we will see how today goes. SO I lived like a week in 24 hours yesterday. I have to keep reminding myself that it is only Tuesday today.

ANyway. I still need to finish a few things before starting work. Hope everyone has a good day today. Godspeed.

Gut Check

I think working on the revision to my fiction project is going to turn out to be a real gut check on my resolve to finish and submit it. I just feel like giving up on the whole idea of writing fiction. I can’t seem to sell it as well as my nonfiction to outlets, and my efforts just seem to be being wasted.

But I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamed I was part of a magical group under attack by the evil magical ones. I was part of a four-person team asked to defend the magical world. I had a pink ring of magic that only worked when I really concentrated my mind on what I meant to do with it. At the height of the battle, when it looked like we were going to win, all the action suddenly stopped. It turned out we were all characters in a book that the author decided not to finish writing. I think this was all a big metaphor that the world (or at least my world) would be missing out on something if I didn’t at least finish the book with the revisions. Very interesting food for thought.

I work today and maybe meet my mentor (from my MFA program) for lunch. We will see. Hope everyone has a good day and a good week planned. Godspeed.

Ending the Summer

My workshop is winding up for the summer, and I have been at the closing meeting this afternoon. I got to read! That’s been the best part of the workshop is that we get to show off so much to everyone that is so supportive. I’ve enjoyed it a lot and feel like while I didn’t generate a lot of work, I learned a lot about the flash form–how to put together a small narrative and put it together without extraneous words. So that has been great.

I had a terrifying moment this morning–I just could not deal with falling asleep in church again this morning, so we came home and I went to bed. Slept for an hour-and-a-half before I woke up and felt human again. I don’t know how I’m going to make it until I get the CPAP. I may have to give up Klonopin again. I can’t sleep the days away, and I can’t keep working so foggily all the time. I need a clear head and I need motivation.

I guess I will get to work writing my other stuff. I hope everyone has a good week planned and can accomplish what you need to do to get by. That’s about all I’m hoping for nowadays. Godspeed.

Tired

I slept in until almost eight a.m. this morning, got up and ate breakfast then got back into bed and got up with Bob at eleven a.m. And I still feel like I could crawl back into bed and sleep some more.

We have a Sunday School party tonight for some members who are moving away, and I don’t think Bob is going to get to go. We went to the ballgame last night to watch my youngest’s first game as flag captain in the band and left at halftime, but he sounds awfully congested this morning, and the house we are going to has dogs. So I don’t think he is going. Me and my youngest will go most likely because I still am not supposed to drive at night.

My oldest has moved to a new location at Disney World and got a promotion along with it. So she is excited about that. This week was her first week in the job and she said it was good. We will see what happens. We will see my middle one Labor Day weekend when she comes up for a State football game. We won’t go to the game but will go to lunch or dinner with them depending on when the game is. So we are looking forward to that.

I am trying to nerve myself up to getting work done today. I am so sleepy. I hate feeling this way. But maybe the sleep study will do some good and I can start resting better. I want to wake up and be happy, not exhausted and worn out all the time.

So I need to run. My mood is good at least, so that is a plus. We will see if we can make that pay off someway today. Thanks for reading. Godspeed.

Sleep Study

So I got the results on my sleep study. I do have mild sleep apnea, particularly when I should be in deep sleep. That’s why I never feel rested. I’m sure depression has a role in here, too, so I talked it all over with TIllie as well. We are just going to see what they start off with and try to adjust my meds, etc. around all of that in consultation with Dr. Bishop. I’m having a repeat study in October to fit me with the best machine for my problems, etc. So that was productive, as was talking with TIllie.

Had a great lunch with my friend Marlo. We love to talk shop. She was talking about her business and I was talking about my writing so we jelled pretty good. We spent a good while at the restaurant–I got seafood pot pie and cheese grits and she got grilled grouper which she enjoyed. It’s always a good meal to go to–I’ve never been disappointed eating there.

Not sure what I’m going to work on this afternoon. I think I may go ahead and dig into Hurricane Baby and then write a MCIR story this weekend. And my BPHope blog essay on Sunday–try to keep me from napping all day.

I’m looking forward to the weekend and hope you are too. Thanks for reading!

Overdo

I think I overdid it in the basement the past two days. I am exhausted and can’t concentrate on anything this morning. I’ve tried everything I can think of to up my energy level and concentration, and I just can’t. I am glad it’s the last day of the workweek for me. I don’t know what to do.

Tomorrow I find out if I get a CPAP or not so maybe that will help with my quality of sleep and I won’t keep having these problems. I hope so. I hate feeling this way. And it’s not depression–I’m not unhappy or dead-inside feeling. Just tired and exhausted.

I’m going to take a lunch break here in a bit and see if that helps my energy levels to have something in my stomach. Don’t know what I’m going to eat, but I’m going to try to get something to perk me up.

Hope every has a good day. Pray for me to accomplish more this afternoon.

More Rain

It’s going to be a near thing for a lot of people in my area to not get flooded out. It’s rained steadily all day long and predicted to rain all night.

I did more box unpacking today–I’m home tomorrow so there will be plenty of time for me to do officy things. I am TIRED but it’s a good tired–a tired from good effort instead of from just feeling bad. So that was nice.

I hope the rest of the week continues to go well. I see Tillie on Friday so we will see what we can find out about trying to maintain this forward momentum I have right now. I hope to get into my fiction manuscript this weekend and really get it in shape to send out. I am so looking forward to it. I finished the spellchecking and grammar checks last night and I know I didn’t catch everything so I am going to keep running it every day while I am working so I don’t introduce a whole lot of new errors into it. FUN!

I think I am back on an even keep after the episode with my medication. I am glad. Don’t ever let a doctor without expertise in psychotropic medications try to muck around with your medication schedules. Recipe for disaster.

SO now I will run and take care of the rest of my day. Hope everyone has a good downslope into the weekend.

Rain Rain Rain

That’s all it’s done today is rain. Very difficult to get out and around, but I got in to work and got things done before the big staff meeting on the upcoming books. Got to hear about the book that my MFA thesis director is publishing with the press, so that was a wonderful thing to hear about! Made me very happy.

I am finally starting to feel like I am living a normal life again. I am working, I am taking care of the house, I am watching my kids continue to grow up, I’m able to help them when they let me, I see friends and have good friends, etc. For years I’ve felt like my life was derailed permanently into the wrong direction, and now I am starting to see a very far off chunk of sunlight at the end of a very dark tunnel. It feels so exciting to think that maybe I’ll have some semblance of normality in my life for a while. It doesn’t feel manic or disruptive, just good. I get to go see Tillie on Friday and will talk this over with her.

I have writing things stacking up that I will be working on–I think I may write one of my MCIR stories tonight. I wrote a piece I sent off to the NAMI blog on what happened to me when I went off my meds for a day for my colonoscopy titled “What I didn’t expect” which is their theme for October. I hope they pick it up. And I have a BPHope piece due that I need to probably work on this weekend on secondhand trauma and other disorders like it. I’m really excited about how everything is going writing-wise.

I guess that’s it for today. Hope everyone is having a good week this week. So far I am so that is good. Thanks for reading!

Busy Morning

WOrking this morning and taking a break for lunch. Finally got records on an MCIR story and may complete that at some point Friday or this weekend. Friday looks really, really busy with appointments and all. But I am ready to work on all this information.

I slept like a log last night. It was very difficult to wake up this morning. But I did and got going before eight so that was good. We have a lot to do to catch up from time taken by the Book Festival. Sales were great according to the report we got. That is a good thing.

I’m having that feeling again of running to catch up with myself. I can think of so many things I need to do and how finite a time I have to do them in. I need to focus somehow. And not spend so much time goofing off. Let me think on how I can do that.

I suppose that’s all that’s on my mind right now. We will see how today goes. Thanks for reading!