Today started off badly again–I got up late, left the house later, and got caught in a traffic jam that I would have avoided if I had gotten up on time, and was 10 minutes late for work.

But I handled it well. I called ahead and told my boss I was caught in traffic and would be late, then once I got in, I just hunkered down and worked and didn’t let it bother me. I got some really good work done that I hope will up the blog traffic my agency gets from Facebook and Twitter once it’s implemented properly–we had to do a little tweaking to get it right but it worked out! So that felt good.

Just trying to plow through and get things done.

Tomorrow it will have been a year since I started working for UPM! I have really enjoyed it so far and like the work I do and the people I work with a lot. I’ve done some good work. I just need to keep going and doing whatever comes along :).

I feel good in that I’m not letting my initial bad mood or things going wrong early in the day ruin the entire day. I’m picking myself up and fighting off the bad vibes and salvaging the situation. And that is a definite win for me. Bipolar can be so all-encompassing. But not right now. And that is a blessing.


A Day

Had kind of a frustrating day. A lot went on with work and other things, and it wasn’t all good. But tomorrow should be a better day–I hope.

I definitely still feel a bit unmoored. Like I’m just drifting along. not heading in a specific direction. I am thinking about trying to do another appointment with Tillie on Friday. I will see how tomorrow goes and pull the trigger on that idea if it’s another bad day.

I need to learn to bounce back in attitude myself when things don’t go well. Sometimes I’m able to harness the power of positive thinking; sometimes I’m not. I need to do it more consistently, so a bad day doesn’t turn into a bad week. But I am trying to look up after today and resolve to do better tomorrow.

I think I did a good thing yesterday–i got an email from my boss at MCIR about a journalism student that needed help with an assignment for a class, and I was able to help some. We kicked around questions all yesterday afternoon, and I hope her assignment went well today.

Oof. I guess that’s all I have to say today. Like i said, not a really good day I want to dwell on for any longer than necessary. Please pray that I will get my act together. Godspeed to all.

Not Feeling Right

I’m back to just wanting to lie in the bed and go back to sleep.

I’ve got loads of things that need doing and I just don’t want to do them.

I DO want to eat myself into oblivion. I’m not even hungry. I just want to eat.

I spent the rest of Friday and all day Saturday after the competition just vegging out.

I don’t like being this way.

Good Morning!

Today has been a really good day. We slept in a bit and then went to the dance competition for my youngest. Her studio holds competitions with other local dance groups. They aren’t serious like the big ones my youngest used to go to, so they don’t bother me like the big ones did.

Then we went to Pig and Pint in Jackson for lunch. So yummy. I got a boudin burger and forgot to customize it, so it had brown mustard, but it wasn’t too bad. My own fault for not paying attention to how I ordered it.

As you can see, I changed my blog theme last night. Decided that I needed to keep up with the new blog aesthetic if I want to stay relevant. It’s not the most updated theme, but it was advertised as “blog-friendly” and that was important to me. I’m not all about the images, just the words.

I didn’t feel well this morning. I had such a crazy dream last night I can’t even write it down, it was so crazy. So I didn’t sleep well. But once I got my meds in me, I felt a lot better. So that’s great! It took a VERY long time to get on the best combination of medicine, but I am glad I never had the mindset that I didn’t need them. I saw some improvement immediately, and that was good for my long-term medication compliance. It’s been a work in progress ever since.

Back Home

We are home from the colonoscopy, and Bob is sleeping off the anesthetics. It went well with no serious problems evident so that is a relief. I got a good night’s sleep and that was nice. I am waiting on my youngest to come home from school and will send her to get lunch for all of us once she gets out of school.

I am a little sleepy myself, just yawning. Not wanting to go back to bed, but sleepy nonetheless. Not just sleepy, but lazy, too. Like I want to do everything at my own pace today instead of trying to finish things as soon as possible. I really need to concentrate on laundry today, but that’s something I never feel like doing on the best of days. So I guess I’d better get my act together and do it because it is getting stacked up and behind.

Well, soon my youngest will be home so I need to sign off. Nothing exciting here–and that’s a good thing today. Godspeed.

Going to Be a Long Night . . .

I take Bob for a colonoscopy tomorrow, so I will be sleeping in the other bedroom tonight while he is up and down with going to the bathroom from doing all the prep. He just started drinking the cleansing solution and is very unhappy about it. I am so glad I can take the pills and not deal with that gagging stuff.

Me and my youngest are going out for Mexican tonight for dinner, so I am looking forward to that. I’m going to get fajitas. Yummy!

I got a lot done today. I’m off tomorrow as per normal. I will see what all I can get done to finish all the tasks for March books on Monday, so that will be good. Then I think maybe I’m going to be trained on something new on Tuesday–my boss said something about me learning something new so that will be nice. Just staying up with everything and staying ahead of the game is good. I really like this job and want to learn all I can about it and see where everything fits together for how the press works. The more I know, the more I likely will figure it out and be an asset to everyone.

I am still sitting with the idea that i might actually be content with myself and my life. In some ways, it’s really sad that it took me so long to come to this place. And there’s a tiny sliver of myself wondering if I have given up trying to my best self. But life is really going well for me in so many areas. Nothing wrong for being happy while working for more, and nothing to be gained by riding myself hard to achieve more at this point. Peace is the goal. Wellness is the goal. Maybe I’ve found it?


Happy Feet

You think some of the weirdest things when you have bipolar disorder.

I went into my bathroom this morning and started to slide on my new Snoopy bed slippers to keep my feet warm while I worked from home today.

Instead of putting my feet into the slipper, I put my left foot on the slipper–and heard a squeaking sound.

I thought I had stepped on a mouse–something squeaky and furry. I picked my foot up and looked down.

No mouse. Just the slipper.

Then I thought, “Okay. I’m having auditory hallucinations.” I put my foot back down, but not on the slipper. Stood there for a second. Nothing.

Then I had an idea. I stepped on the slipper again.

Same sound. Again. Slightly different sound–like a dog whining.

My Snoopy slippers had a device in the top of the slipper that made sounds from the Peanuts cartoons.

My Snoopy slippers had giggled.

Well. At least I wasn’t hallucinating.

Baby Time!

Just got off a video call with my grandson–his mom said he pitched a fit and was grabbing at her phone and she thinks he wanted to talk to me! So she called me, and we had a chat together. He was a happy little man while I was talking to him. He’s learned to play peek-a-boo; I covered my face and said “Where’s Grandma?” and then uncovered it and said “Here I am!”, and he put his little hand over his own face! Then as soon as he moved it, I said “There’s the baby! Where’s the baby?” and he covered his face again. So he is learning!

Good day today. I got a lot accomplished. Still have a lot to do this week, but I will work from home tomorrow since they are talking about another outage in our area on Thursday. So I am going to swap my days in the office to tomorrow at home and Thursday at the office. I think it’s going to work really well.

I am starting to have hope again. I still have that contented feeling, and I am starting to settle into it. I like knowing that I don’t have to fight myself anymore or fight the outside world either. I can finally relax and enjoy life just for itself, I feel like. We will see if it lasts.

BPHope put up my friendship blog post today, so that was nice to see this morning. Here is the post:

I guess that’s all for today. Hopefully we all can have a good week and keep going strong. Godspeed to all.

Just Kicking Around

Had kind of a weird day today. Again with the very scattered attention span. Couldn’t settle down into just doing one thing because other action items kept coming up. I will have to do better tomorrow to stay caught up on stuff.

I’m still scatter-brained this evening. I need to work on laundry and get that done, but I also want to do some computer work, so I kind of have two opposing forces going. I will probably do the computer work first and do the laundry last.

What I don’t need to do is be mindless about how I spend my time. I need to concentrate and pay attention to what I am doing and what I am accomplishing. I don’t need the contented feeling to make me complacent. I need to be involved in what I am doing and not checked out. And today I felt checked out. I guess that’s the best phrase for it.

My mood is good. I am not having the sleepiness, depression, or sadness. And I’m not carried away or manic either. So all of that is good. I have another BPHope post coming due, so I will be working on that this weekend. And Bob has a colonoscopy on Friday morning. So I will be taking care of him for most of the day, but that’s not usually too stressful. He’s just a bit loopy on the medication afterwards. So be thinking about him going through that.

Godspeed to all.

Family Matters

I called up my middle child today and had a good visit. Her and Bob talk while he’s driving home from work and they text, but I’m not the queen of texting so I gave her a call today. We had a good visit. She is working with a new person they’ve hired at her office and says that is going well. She is due to go to NYC for a work job and they are looking at doing that in February. She sounded so good. I know she is masterful at sounding good even if she isn’t, but I hope we’re past her not telling us if she is struggling.

My youngest one’s birthday is coming up, so we need to be getting ready for that. She wants a family party so we are going to set that up soon. We’ve ordered what she wants for her birthday so that’s good. Hopefully she can enjoy her 18th birthday.

I work at home tomorrow and am looking forward to it. I do the blog and will see about doing some book requests. Depending on what else comes in my inbox what else I will do. I need to be getting my tax materials in order as well for the upcoming tax season.

Still kicking around the idea of being CONTENT. Still feels weird, but I’m getting used to it. I hope it stays.

I guess that’s all for that today. Would be really cool to see that I could just be happy and content on the inside. Hope so. Godspeed to all.