Workshop 2

So I had my second workshop this week with a video conference last night.  It went well–turns out that I’m being tripped up by the same things as usual–too much dialogue and not enough description.  So I am also conferencing with my professor this morning and seeing what can be done and interacting more with someone about it. So we will see how it goes.  I don’t know as I will rewrite it for my final project–I still have another exercise to do for class that may spark my interest.  We will see.

We go to Mobile this afternoon to get ready for another dance competition,.  This is the last travel one until this summer, I believe. So it will be nice to have my weekends back again.

I prayed last night that I would be able to get up and do this morning–have the energy to do what all needed to be done, etc.  So far I have gone and changed the oil in my car and will soon go and finish packing for the trip and finish up laundry.  So today has been much better than yesterday, which is also doing wonders for my self-esteem.  Makes me feel like a productive member of society again instead of a slug.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and a blessed Holy Week next week.  Thanks for continued prayers as I start Psychamore next week.




I have loaded the washer with laundry.   That defines success the way I feel today.

I am just so dead.  I went to church last night and realized I’ve been living like only today matters–that there won’t be an eternity to live after I die.  That’s why I want escape–suicide, oblivion, sleep, whatever.

Maybe it’s because I can only manage if I only think about today.  Tomorrow and next year and eternity are too over whelming to handle at this point.  It’s all I can do to get through today.

Here’s to me getting through today.  That will be success enough.


Dr. Bishop

So I went for my followup to Dr. Bishop. He decided to add in Lexapro like the doctor at the hospital did and cut my Pristiq to avoid Serotonin syndrome.  So we will see what happens. He said I did all the right things in going in and all.      He said that he was glad for my going to Psychamore’s program and hoped I would do well there.  He wants to see me back in a month so we set that up.

I still feel depressed.  Just not suicidal.  i want to crawl into bed and just stay.  But I can’t do that–too much to do, all of it good for me and my family.  I am just tired and sleepy and want to sleep some more.

Having lots of trouble staying on task with everything to do with class.  I don’t know how I’m  going to handle three more years of this.  Everyone will be sick of me by the time I finish  :).   And maybe I’ll be sick of writing by then too.  I hope not but I’m afraid of that

I need to eat lunch and fix dinner.  WIsh me well on continuing to recover.




After I got out of the hospital last week, I had a couple of days to do laundry and get ready to go to Nashville with my oldest, my youngest, and Bob.  We stayed at the Opry Hotel and went to the Grand Ole Opry on  Friday and Saturday nights.  We kind of planned this trip to please our oldest since it will likely be her last Spring Break trip with us since hopefully she will be gainfully employed next year.  We had a good time and ate really good food at the hotel’s several restaurants.  It was relaxing and a great change of pace to get out of town and delay my return to full household duty this week.

Yesterday I went to a partial hospitalization program to be evaluated. THey called later and said they would accept me and I would start this coming Monday.  I’ve been through it before so I kind of know what to expect.  We will have groups most of the day with consultations with the doctor over it once a week and individual therapy once a week.  They think I’ll be in it full-time for five to seven weeks then three days a week for a while.  I think I may be in it for the rest of the semester with that kind of timeline.  I just hope  I can stay up with the demands of school, too, doing this.

Thanks for supporting the blog like you all do and keeping up with me even when I was out.  Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts as I try this program.

Anxiety Attack

I had a really bad episode last night.  I’m not sure what kicked it off–i didn’t feel great through the day but after navigating traffic yesterday to drop my youngest off at dance.  i started feeling really, really bad.  It just kind of piled up until I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital.  I can’t get in to Dr. Bishop today because he is booked but I can go tomorrow and see him at 2 p.m.  Hopefully i can see him then.  If I start feeling bad again today, I’m just going to go straight to the hospital.

Please pray that this won’t happen again today.  I’m feeling all right for right now but I don’t know what will happen later today.  I just know this is awful-feeling and I want it to stop.

Feeling Better

Not nearly as grumpy as I was yesterday. But not quite where I want to be, either. The weather is helping–it’s nice and sunny out today, although the ground is really, really wet.  I go see Tillie tomorrow and will see if I can clear up the last of this mood.

I’m reading Jeannette Walls’ The Glass Castle. It’s a really famous book and one I was told I needed to read if I was going to try a memoir.  I don’t think mine will be quite like this one–her parents were completely off the wall and raised four kids somehow to adulthood.  But it’s been very interesting to read from a craft perspective and has given me a lot to think about.

Turned in my exercise for my class yesterday–a week early, but I wanted to go ahead and send it in anyway.  I think it turned out well but we will see what Mary says about it.

I have my reading this weekend.  I hope it goes well. Im not sure how it will go.  But we will see.

Good Morning!

I managed to make it through the dance competition and my daughter’s dance group did really well, earning a judge’s choice award and a third place overall award.  So that part was successful as well.

I am trying to figure out what to fix for dinner tonight and tomorrow.  I get so stumped by these things nowadays. I wonder if I’m slipping backward again.  I just have an empty mind nowadays.  I don’t know what to do.  I go see Tillie Wednesday so we will see if we can sort through some things.

Don’t know much else to say.  Waiting on my laundry to get done so I can sort it out. Very, very sleepy.  I didn’t sleep well on the trip and haven’t caught back up yet, either.