I sat down with Bob after the football game Saturday while Rachel was gone and we had a long talk about my anxiety. I told him that I constantly worried in a pathological way about pleasing him. That I felt like it went all the way back to when we were dating and that I had failed to establish boundaries with him because I was so scared he would not stay with me. I told him I did not know how to break the cycle and I didn’t know what to do about it except talk to Tillie about it and tell him about it so that I could somehow get out from under the tyranny of the fear.
He said that I probably needed to talk to Tillie about it and that he would be willing to come in for sessions about it if Tillie felt like he needed to. He was genuinely surprised when I told him how afraid I was and how pervasive the fear was. WE did talk about the writing and he reiterated that if something was going to break us up, it would be if I got to that place of obsession again with my writing.
I told him I was even getting afraid to talk to him about how many good things were happening in that area because I didn’t want him to become hypervigilant. He did finally say he felt bad that he couldn’t get behind my writing because of the obsessions–he said in a normal situation he knew he should be a cheerleader for it. SO that helped.
WE will see what happens. I just felt like it was time to talk about it instead of keeping on living with it. Pray that we can get this sussed out and that Tillie and I can work on it and she will know when to include him in the sessions where it can do the most good.
I got a bit of a boost yesterday–I found out my personal column for MCIR was starting to circulate around the state. I do hope it can help people. I don’t know where else it might go–I know it’s in the Clarion-Ledger and the Biloxi Sun-Herald. So I was glad to find that out.
So far this morning I am awake–I finally bought Cokes to go in the house so I have a boost in the morning. I need to figure out what I’m going to do today–I have laundry and writing to do. I’ll probably do the writing first. I have an essay due Sunday and another due the 27th from my residency class. I need to read over that assignment and make sure what I want to do will work for it.
I don’t know why I felt so bad yesterday, I stayed in the bed until 11:10 am. I just couldn’t get moving to do anything. ANd it wasn’t good sleep-it was fitful and toss-and-turn. So I am trying to stay out of bed this morning.
It’s chilly and overcast right now but will warm up later. I need to start preparing for Christmas; we have shopping to do and other stuff to get ready for it.
My oldest comes home in two weeks. We are looking forward to that. WE already have all kinds of plans lined up for when she comes–where all we’re going to eat and all such as that. I just hope it goes well and she enjoys her visit.
SO I will try to get going on revising my essay. I hope I can come up with more words. I need them–I’ve only got half of what the assignment calls for. SO pray I can finish that. Hope everyone has a good wend to their week!
Nothing to write today. Don’t feel well.
Even taking Nyquil I coughed all night. But I’m not coughing as much today. So maybe I’m on the mend. I sure hope so.
MCIR has started releasing the mental health stories. None of mine yet, but others in the series. Mine are supposed to be released next week. We will see how they go.
I need to do my homework for this week this afternoon. Hopefully I will continue to feel better throughout the day and can complete it. I/m just not firing on al cylinders mentally either because I’m not getting the sleep I need. I keep trying and keep coughing.
My oldest is making plans for her home visit in November. She seems excited about the prospect of being home for a few days. We are excited to see her as well. I think it will go well.
Hopefully I get to feeling better. We will see. Thanks for the prayers. Hope everyone has a good weekend.
I sound awful. My cough is hanging around and it hurts to cough but I can’t stop myself. I guess I will have to start taking Nyquil at night to stop it and get the vicious cycle to stop. I just feel so wiped out today.
I got my trip upstate done yesterday and was able to go visit my mom and dad for a little while. I gave Mom her birthday present and she gave me what I had asked for–a pair of new Welcome mats for my doors. I visited with them for a while and then went and talked to the mom of the missing person. That was sad. He’s sick with bipolar disorder, too, only his is manic with psychotic features. It’s a really sad story.
WEnt and ran errands this morning and now am about worn out. But if I lie down, I just cough and cough and cough. Pray that I’ll sleep well tonight and not cough after I take the Nyquil.
My reflux acted up last night so I feel so bad today. I didn’t sleep and I hurt so badly from coughing that I can’t lie down comfortably at all. I hope i do better tonight because I have to drive upstate for an interview tomorrow on a story. Pray that I will feel better throughout the day and be able to sleep tonight.
So Bob and I are going out to lunch to get pepperoni pizza today! I’m looking forward to it–something to liven up the day.
Then I’ll go grocery shopping for food this weekend. THe State game is at 3 p.m. so we can go out to lunch Friday too. I meet a friend of mine for coffee at 9 a.m. tomorrow to interview her for a story I’m working on about mental health, so that will be fun as well.
Got a good report yesterday from the doctor about my shingles–looks like they’re healing properly and I’m not having the pain with them afterwards that some people do. They just itch now, which he said meant they were healing up. So that’s the way that went.
I follow up with my eye doctor Monday about them to make sure they haven’t affected my eyes. So that will likely tie up my morning that morning.
Sunday is my birthday–we’re going to eat lunch out and really celebrate next weekend when my middle one can come home and visit. And I’m coming up on my blogiversary as well, so you’ll hear a little more about that from me next week.
Hope everyone has a good weekend–I feel better than yesterday and I suppose that’s all I can ask for. Thanks for all the good thoughts.