I got to feeling worse and worse as yesterday went on–I finally had to take a Xanax to get my thoughts to stop spinning around. I feel some better today but not much. I am getting ready to put all my new CD’s in the stereo and listen to them and see if I can cheer myself up. I don’t know what the problem is.
Later this week we got to Biloxi for a dance competition. I’m not looking forward to that– I am sick of the schedule for dance and do not want to go to three days of it. I just hate it.
Next week I will be busy following up with doctors so that will keep me busy. I just wish I knew what to do with myself the rest of the time. I am so tired and sleepy; I had a bad night snoring and kept Bob up so that wasn’t any fun.
Maybe I should go ahead and take another Xanax in case it kicks back up again. We will see.
Dont’ know why I’m so tired and out of sorts, but I am. I don’t feel right at all. I finally dragged myself out and went to the grocery store and got meals for the week, but I’m not feeling the least bit accomplished in doing it. I just want to go back to bed. I havent’ felt quite like this in a while, and I dont’ know what brought it on.
I’m seriously wondering about my motivation to teach. I want to do something, but I’m just not sure what anymore. I’m just not looking forward to getting back into the classroom and facing down a bunch of students who don’t care. I have 27 so far, which I think is the most I’ve ever had in a classroom since State. It’s not hard to teach the material; the biggest issue is making them care enough to learn it. I hoped if I got back into a four-year school that I would have more students on the ball and caring about their grades. But maybe college students have really changed for the worse since I did this last.
I need to record my vlog if I’m going to continue doing it. I just wish I felt better. Hope everyone else has a good week.
We went to see the new Avengers movie Monday–it was just as good and wicked as my oldest said it was. Of course I closed my eyes during the mass battle scenes, but I caught all the nuances and innuendos and etcetera to know what was going on. A lot of characters died, but no one is ever really dead in the Marvel Universe. So that was really not as upsetting as it could have been. The end of credits scene was interesting with a reappearance of Nick Fury calling in another superhero, whom Bob immediately recognized. So hope is still out there for the franchise(s).
I feel like I did really well today. I went to the movie and didn’t get bored with it (although I did not sit through a TV show the others watched afterwards), I’ve started packing for Disney and am doing what I need to do to get ready. My oldest got an orientation packet today with her living assignment and a code designation for her work assignment, which she thinks she has cracked so she thinks she knows where she is working. I can’t tell it, but it is a really cool place if she is right. today.
Can’t think of much else to say today. Hope everyone has a good start to their week and pray that the move to Orlando can go off without a hitch.
My children are all going to be gone today so I have the day to myself. Not sure what I’m going to do with it. I got all the laundry done and actually put up so that is improvement. I kind of want to meet someone for lunch but don’t know who I could get on short notice like this. I need to go get some meds refilled and will do that and pick up groceries this morning so I do have things to do.
WE’re trying to see Infinity War finally and are running smack into screenings for Solo: A Star Wars Movie. So that has been interesting trying to schedule a time. Too many blockbusters at one time.
I wonder what it is that is keeping me from feeling better than I am. I don’t think I’m sliding back down into depression, but I just don’t feel right. Almost makes me wish for just a little hypomania. But I know where that cycle leads so I don’t really want that.
My pastor preached a sermon tonight on Kingdom ministry and what it looks like, and he said something I don’t want to forget–that whether we’re speaking to five or to five thousand that we make the name of Jesus known and that we continue to be faithful in ministry no matter what. HIs words encouraged me tonight and I hope they can encourage you all as well. I dont’ know what has made the past couple of days difficult except to say that I felt like nothing I would say could make a difference in anyone’s life. I know now that that’s not true–every word I write is read by someone who needs to hear it. As long as I encourage someone every day to keep fighting their own demons as I fight mine in the power of Jesus, I am making a difference. Thank you Brother David for your encouraging words.