Breaking Down

I had an ugly-cry with God yesterday on the way home from the grocery store.  I just prayed for the safety of everyone in my family and cried driving home in the car.  I had heard a sad song on the radio and it broke loose all the grief I was holding inside. Very helpful in a way that it got my fears out into the open with God. And I did better throughout the day.

I need to work on laundry today and my essay as well.  I think I don’t understand the assignment; I was going to do one topic and then I read someone else’s paper they had already posted and I think either I missed the point or he did. I’m not sure.

My editors loved my column on my therapy appointment. I think it’s going to help people to see that everyone has to find their own way to cope but there’s no shame in asking for help. Especially right now.

I just found out one of my fellow MFAers from the original class has breast cancer.  She’s going to start radiation soon, which tells me it’s a bit serious, that they’re going ahead with it in this atmosphere. Such scary news all around us.

I hope everyone reading is continuing to be safe and sound and careful.  It’s all we can ask fro now as we move deeper into this pandemic.  Godspeed.


Writing Against the Fear

I’m finally back to the point that I can lose myself in the writing again.  Even if I’m writing about coronavirus, I can forget about the fear while I’m typing. That is a blessing so I am not just worrying all the time.

Last night I got stuck worrying about my dad. He has diabetes and smoked for a long time when I was young. If he gets sick he’ll need treatment at the VA and I got stuck wondering how we would get him TO the hospital if he caught this mess. Mom can’t drive that far anymore and I wouldn’t want her to try. Who could do it? My sister and brother-in-law have two young children, my husband is sick enough with upper respiratory allergies as it is. I could do it but how to quarantine myself after that? This is literally putting-your-head-in-the-lion’s-mouth kind of choices. All I can do is pray.

I convinced my editor to let me do a personal column on my handling of the stress of coronavirus by writing about my therapy appointment I had Tuesday.  She just wrote back and said she loved it.  So that makes me happy. I just want to help people all I can. I don’t know when it will run but we will see.

My daughter is doing her online school.  She seems  to be handling it all well–I know she misses her friends a lot and I worry about the hole put in her schooling.  But all I can do there is offer help and accept it when she says no.

I guess that is all I have to write today. Pray for all of those who are sickened with this virus and pray that our heathcare system and those around the world can hold up to this crisis.  Godspeed.


Day Whatever

I haven’t completely lost track of days–I do know it’s THursday.  But time is taking forever to pass.  I did finish my story for MCIR and now have to do my essay for class.  But I’ll likely work on that tomorrow.  I have two choices in my head to write on so I am thinking about that. My youngest seems to be adapting to online school so I am glad of that.  I also filled out our census form online.  So that was fun.  Luckily we got the short form.  Last time we got the long one and that was a pain to fill out.

I’ve stayed away from news and social media this morning while I was doing my story. SO I will need to check on that in just a bit. My friend Ren got married yesterday!  She was planning a formal wedding in June and they just decided things were too unsettled so they had a small family ceremony.  I think it was smart of them to do.

Hopefully we have “flattened the curve” in Mississippi.  We’re not seeing that many cases here; my parents’ county just had its first case and it’s someone I went to high school with.  So that kind of hits close to home.  New York and its tri-state area are really in a bad way.  That’s where things are getting scary bad.

My mood is holding this week–I think seeing Tillie helped a lot.  Got a couple more months before I get out of my danger zone but considering everything I am holding up well. We will see what happens from here on out.  Hope everyone reading is doing well.  Godspeed.





So now I’ve gotten enough phone calls to do my story, I think.  I’ll start work on it this afternoon after lunch,  i haven’t got myself enough together to get dressed  from sleeping yet, but I have been busy, so that’s okay.

This high-level weirdness can’t go on forever. But we’ve just at the leading edge of the illness–Anthony who works with Bob’s office with the parent company now has the virus and they’ve had to isolate two of their salesmen who had contact with him.  So it is starting to hit close to home here.

i am very sleepy this morning.  All the phone calls have kept me awake, but I really don’t think I slept well.

Well, I guess I will start working on my story.  I need something to keep me out of the bed this afternoon. Quarantine just is nerve-wracking rather than exciting, I think.  If I had younger kids I know I’d be busier but that’s not the case any more.  God bless you all.



Precautions were taken with surfaces and handwashing and etc. but I went out to therapy.  I feel a lot better than I did this time last week–I believe I spent last Tuesday and Wednesday in the bed.  But Tillie said to watch out for a reaction of some kind once this is all over–that I might relapse once the heroics of the moment had passed.  Which is reasonable–that has been my pattern throughout my life. So.

I told my editor that our reputation was preceding us–no one wanted to talk to me in the mental heatlh centers about what was being done for patients and staff to stay safe during the virus.  I’ve called half the MHC’s in Mississippi and got exactly one to go on the record with their comments.  One outfit referred me to their LAWYER for comments.  And so forth and so on.

But I am still trying to work.  We will see what we can do this afternoon.  Godspeed.  And pray for our leaders throughout the world to do what they need to do to contain the outbreak.


Productive Day Ahead?

Hopefully today will be a productive day.  I’ve made phone calls and am waiting to hear back.  Waiting to hear back on emails. So we will see what transpires.

I woke up and it took me ten whole minutes to remember the coronavirus stuff.  Maybe that means I’m not as freaked out about it as I was.  I see my counselor tomorrow; hopefully that will help with the nerves somewhat. It’ll be my first time out of the house in a while. I think I may go out later and get groceries after I’m done with my phone calls.

My youngest has started in on homeschooling with her classes on computer.  I asked if she needed any help and she said no so I am leaving her to it. I hope she does well and the courses do continue well online.  It’s that way until April 17 and maybe longer depending on what happens. I so hope they do cancel state testing; that will be a big relief to everyone.

Need to check in with my class and see what is lined up for this week.  I am so ready to be done and start in seriously on my thesis.  That’s going to be hard in a different way–I’m going to have to discipline myself to write on a schedule and get things done on time so it will be ready for revisions by fall.  That is the hope anyway,

I need to figure something out for dinner. Sometimes it’s just hard to remember the basics.  I think I will pick up meat at the store. Something different.  If there is any meat left.

Hope everyone is having a good beginning to their week. I am managing well so far. We will see what happens over the week and see how our nation goes. Pray for all the sickened and those who don’t yet know they’re sick.

Livestream Church

Just finished livestreaming our church service this morning and it was so good.  LIstening to the word out of Psalm 34 and learning how David found the peace of God, even in the middle of trouble.  I love that we have the technology to do this and so we can remain in the body of believers even as we are in this time of quarantine.

Bob decided he wanted a burger today for lunch rather than leftovers so  he’s gone out to Sonic.  We will see if they are open.  Our first and second choices for burgers were closed so hopefully he can find what he is looking for.

Of course, since I’m not hungry anymore, I am losing weight.  I’ve lost three pound in the past two weeks.  I’m not quite sure  what to think about that.  I need to lose the weight but not sure I am going to be doing it in a healthy way.

I have one final thing to read for class then it stats all over with conferences on Tuesday where we give a report on our craft paper.  That’s going to be interesting.

I need to call a rural mental health center next week then interview some people about how they are coping with everything and if they’ve had problems getting meds, etc.  I hope to turn this around rather rapidly after I get the answers to some questions from the Department of Mental Health and see what all is going on.

Well, let’s see what today brings.  Hope everyone can have a good day even in these times of uncertainty.