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In Florida

So it took a while but I made it here. Baby is sleeping after being in the car for far too long–he took a bottle and conked out. My oldest is doing well today–my son-in-law is supposed to head out tonight for Tennessee to his uncle’s funeral tomorrow. They’ll have some hard driving ahead.

I am managing pretty good so far. I got up at six and Bob took me to the airport and left me off. I got on the plane at 7:30 am an flew first to Atlanta ten Orlando. Good thing I didn’t have to get off the plane. I will have to going back. But that is a thought for another day.

I guess I will wind up and unpack and spend time with my girl. Hope everyone is having a good week. Godspeed.

Still Not Clicking

I am still not clicking with the program. I am tired and losing motivation quickly. I am shutting down, and I don’t really know why. I am sleeping hard at night so that is good. But I need to work and am having such a hard time. I think it’s a temporary reaction to my middle one’s difficulty. But I talked to my oldest last night and things are not going well–she has been put to work on nights and feels really helpless to change it before she goes back to her original location in January. She may just have to stick it out. And that will be hard.

Candy is here and we have been talking–it’s good to have a friend. She’s by herself since Christy had a prior appointment today so I have tried to stay out of her way so that she can stay on schedule.

I dreamed a whole novel last night. It looked a lot like Dear John by Nicholas Sparks which I’ve never read but saw in the movie theater a long time ago. I don’t think I could write it better than he did, but it was an interesting dream.

I guess if I’m going to get to work that I need to wind up here. Hopefully getting lunch soon and going grocery shopping will perk me up and make me feel accomplished. And then I can build on that. Godspeed.

Cold

Our heater has cut out. So the HVAC guy has, out of the goodness of his heart, said he would come by today and see what was wrong. Depending on what he says, we will either have heat when he leaves or I will be going to Wal-Mart for a space heater because Bob cannot warm up. He had a bad allergic attack yesterday and is still not over it. He took four Benadryl, two while we were out and two once he got home. So we are having lots of troubles over here, but my mood is good and I am holding up well. I think we are going to get lunch from Ramey’s once he leaves and save what all I bought yesterday for tonight and tomorrow.

My middle one headed out this morning. She seemed good, but I am more scared now that I was when she was here. It was last year after she got back to her apartment from Thanksgiving at home that she attempted suicide–and there’s no one there to save her this time. I prayed with Brother David at church that she would be safe through the holidays and be able to make it back down for Christmas.

Our oldest has been flooding us with cute baby pictures so that is nice. She and her husband have both had to work much of the holiday but seem to be in good spirits so far. We go see them after New Year’s this year. Our youngest said she could not sleep last night so she stayed home with Bob from church and I think is awake now. We will see how things go after the HVAC guy leaves.

Hope all of you reading are ready for a good start to your week. Please think about all of us as we face our own struggles through the holiday season. Pray for us. Godspeed.

Visiting With The Baby

Got to video chat with my grandson over Facebook this morning. He was eating breakfast and my oldest decided to chat me up so I could see how good he ate. He is a champ at eating off that spoon. He was eating sweet potatoes mixed with rice cereal/formula. So he liked that a lot. He goes to the doctor today for a checkup so that will be good as well. It was so nice to see him coo and goo for a little while.

We haven’t heard from our middle one again. Each hour that goes by today feels heavier and heavier that we won’t be able to see her for Thanksgiving. But there’s still hope in my heart, and I am still praying that she will find favor and get out sometime this afternoon. I just don’t understand all the ins and outs of this situation. I think there are things we’re not being told, and that hurts.

I am still waiting for some last information on my story and trying to see what last few details I can nail down. I will turn it in first thing next week after Thanksgiving if I get that information. Then I will start in on the next story. We will see how it goes.

My mood is still good so that helps. Talking with my grandson helped :). I am just trying to stay positive for my own sake so that I don’t sink into a depression myself. Going to the hospital myself would be grim. SO I am not going to go there in my head. I’m going to pray for her which is the best thing I can do and keep my own chin up. Hope everyone else can do the same. Godspeed.

Kidnapped

That’s the word my middle daughter is using about her mental health stay. She says that now she is being told that she has to stay 7-10 days because “the program” lasts that long. She says she didn’t sign up for any program–she checked herself in because they told her they would “detain” her for three days if she didn’t. She told them she had out-of-state travel plans and needed to be out Tuesday and when she started crying after they told her she wasn’t going to leave, she was told she was “emotionally unstable” and that she was exhibiting symptoms of “borderline personality”. It sounds sketchy as all get out from some other details she gave us. I have no idea what to do besides pray she finds favor with whoever is in charge there. She says she’s not suicidal now and just wants to come home. We told her to try to call her psychiatrist and see if they can get her out. That’s all we know to say.

And my oldest one got a blow as well–she is being switched to night shift again. She explained that it had to do with job classification and availability and etc. etc. But she is still upset and up the creek without a paddle. SHe has her day schedule for a week but then she is scrambling for childcare at night once she starts her new schedule. We are praying that sometime during the week something can get worked out so she can keep that day schedule and care for her son at night.

I wound up taking a Klonopin last night I was so upset about all of this. SO I slept in until 9;30 a.m. But I’m up and awake and praying now. And working. I can’t believe the powerlessness I feel. I hope my daughters know how to advocate for themselves but the world seems determined to grind them up and spit them out. I just don’t know what else to do.

Hope everyone else’s week is going better than this. I know who’s in control and am praying mightily for the best outcome, no matter what that is. Godspeed to all.

No More News

I thought we might hear from my middle one again last night, but we didn’t. Our oldest called and asked us point blank if we had heard from her, so we told her about the hospitalization. I suppose we will tell our youngest today. Not sure about telling anyone else–we will probably warn the grandparents to be gentle with her if she does come down Thanksgiving.

My youngest goes to see my parents this afternoon for the Thanksgiving break. My in-laws will be in the same area because that is where my father-in-law hunts, so she will see them later in the week. We will work it all out. We go up Thanksgiving morning to see everyone.

So sleepy. I didn’t go to sleep in church, but I did shut my eyes on and off. I try so hard to stay awake. I wonder what is wrong with me. i am not sleeping during the day so much, so I thought I was over it. I guess I need to sleep later or something. I had a Dr. Pepper this morning so I thought I would be awake.

My mood is still good–I am worried about my middle one and also having flashes of anxiety about my parents with this story I am working on. I hope there’s no blowback on them from it when it publishes. And if there’s blowback on me, I can just write another article on it! That’s my failsafe.

Well, that’s all I know is going on. Just trying to keep my head above water. We will make it. Thanks for reading and for praying. Godspeed.

Crisis for My Middle One

My middle daughter called us last night and said she was in a behavioral health facility where she lives. She said she had been having trouble for about two months–one month ago she tried to go inpatient and it didn’t work out so she came home. She has been in conversation with her psychiatrist and they were thinking about changing her diagnosis to borderline personality disorder. I told her to fight to hold on to her mood stabilizers because with what she has told me about her “up” periods, I fully believe she is bipolar. I don’t want her going through unnecessary mood swings just to convince a new doctor that she is bipolar. But aside from that. She believes she is going to be there through Sunday and is still planning to come down for Thanksgiving.

I hate to say I am not surprised, but I’m not. This time last year is when she made her first suicide attempt and I know I tend to have te most trouble around those times myself. I just hope she can hold it together and not miss so much work that she cant keep her job. That is the most worry I have right now, because if she loses her job, I am scared she will really tank mentally.

Her older sister called this morning wanting to know if we had heard from her, and I told her the story and she was all, “You should have told me.” I told her we didn’t know ourselves until late last night, too late to call her. She was still not mollified when we got off the phone. So there’s that.

We are waiting on our youngest to come home from her spend-the-night with her friends. They won the game last night so we will be coming back from Thanksgiving on Friday.

So my mood is mixed this morning. I’ve been praying so I am not as upset as I could be. But I have faith she will be taken care of there and that she will come out better than when she went in. I am just glad she recognized it and went in before it got so bad that she made another attempt.

Godspeed everyone.

Meh

Yesterday was a “meh” day, as my youngest might say. Blah.

I’ve got more people to call about my story so I will be busy today. Right now I am waiting on Candy and Christy to get here and to visit with them. Give people time to call me back.

I’m not feeling great–I am drinking a cup of orange juice to try to perk up. Just really tired and sleepy. I didn’t sleep well and didn’t fall asleep until late, late at night. Probably because I am not doing a lot of physical work to wear me out lately. I did laundry yesterday but not a lot of it. So we will see how it goes today.

My mood is pretty good. I feel up and not anxious so that is a good thing. Like I said much earlier, i am acting normal for the first time in a long time. That is such a good feeling. I hope it lasts and lasts.

I need to do some research for my telehealth story so I will see what I come up with. Hopefully I can get those questions answered and that story can come out this week. We will see. Thanks so much for reading and for coming y to see how I am doing. Godspeed to all.

Good Morning

Still working on my story. I will work with this through the week then if I can’t get anyone else to talk I will just turn it in. I am going to try to contact one other person over Facebook and see what I can come up with.

I just don’t know much to type today. I slept in some–it’s been a while since I’ve done that, but apparently, I needed to. I am really needing something to eat but am trying to wait until lunchtime. I need to run to the grocery store and get some food for the week. I think I will go and do that then eat when I get back.

Godspeed to everyone. Maybe I will feel better after lunch. Thanks to everyone for reading. I really appreciate knowing people are still interested in my story. That’s why I still write.

Time Change

I slept good last night. Bob’s stomach was still bothering him so he did not. He’s going to try to sleep some more. Well be going to church soon so hopefully we will enjoy that.

Had a good visit with my parents and sister yesterday. We just talked a lot–some about my story I am working on since it involves people they know. I am going to start back in on Monday and see what I can find out.

My mood is still good today. I will need to go to the grocery store this afternoon and get something to eat tonight and Monday night since my youngest is doing flag guard practice and dance. Not sure what I can get. I will just have to go to the store and see what they have. My sister said yesterday that gas prices are supposed to go up in our area to $6 a gallon next summer. That is just insane. Inflation is going to get out of control once that price is built into supplies.

I guess I will wind up and go to church. Pray that it doesn’t get as bad as that for my kids’ sakes. My oldest won’t be able to travel to visit if gas gets that high–he salary isn’t indexed to inflation. This is all so scary.

But our hope is not in this world. That’s all we can hang onto. Godspeed to all.