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(The computer just ate my whole post. I’m now frustrated.  Check back tomorrow for hopefully more cogent commentary on my life and how things are going.  I’m going to do laundry, which does not involve a computer eating my words like it has done twice today.  Good day. )

 

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I’m Trying So Hard

to stick to the no-Cokes rule but it’s so hard.  I’ve already lost seven pounds since Labor Day and don’t want to stop the progress I’ve got going.  I need to lose SO MUCH weight.

Anyway.  Busy day today–I have lunch out then get my hair done at 1 p.m.  SO not much down time today.  I’ll be busy this week and maybe can rest up next week.

I’m trying to make sure that I’m not slipping backwards instead of just sleepy because of the no caffeine.  I need to do better in the house and keeping up with everything.  I lose track of it so easily and let things pile up.

 

 

Bob’s Doctor Visit

Bob has finally broken down and is going to the doctor.  He had a bad coughing fit when we went to the game, to the point that we had to leave with me driving home at night.   SO Janet is taking him to the doctor this morning and we will see what he recommends.

THis week is going to be rough with my W class. We have an essay due, I have a creative project due, and we have three discussion threads to answer to.  I’ve got the essay and the creative one done but need to get on the discussions as soon as I can.  But I am so sleepy right now I’m not sure I’d be coherent.

One more hour for my office hours then I go home and eat lunch.  Bob’s appointment is at 11 a,m, so hopefully we can get some good medicine in him soon and get him well–or as well as he can be.

Got an invitation to go to UMC;s Diversity Day again but am having to skip it since it’s on a Friday morning.  I hate it, but that’s part of having a job. I’ll be glad for it come payday.

I’m still trying to stick to my no caffeine rule but today it’s hard. I don’t feel as bad as I did Friday, but I can tell I haven’t had any today.  I go see TIllie tomorrow and depending on how Bob is doing is whether I go out to lunch with Jo for my birthday afterwards, I will have to talk to him about that.

Awful

I’ve felt more or less awful most of the day.  I went and worked in the food pantry and did well there, but I got home and felt faint. I thought maybe I was just hungry but I ate and didn’t feel any better so I went and laid down and didn’t get up until the youngest one got home.  I slept through Bob’s lunch and everything.  I still don’t feel quite right but will need to fix dinner in a bit.

 

 

Leftovers

We’re getting the leftovers from Hurricane Irma here in central Mississippi–rain and it’s chilly from the wind,  But it’s not too bad here, just raining.

I’ve gone off of caffeine and can certainly tell it–I’m so sleepy and tired.  I’m trying to stay awake but it is incredibly hard.  I’ve worked some in the paper that’s due next week and we will see how that goes.   I feel like I’m slogging through molasses in my mind, though.  Hopefully I will get over the withdrawal stage soon and start losing a little weight; leaving off the Cokes should save me 420 calories a day.

Days like today I hate living with bipolar.  If I didn’t have to take the meds to stave off mania, I wouldn’t be so dependent on Cokes, I could just enjoy them,  If it weren’t for staving off the weight loss that often comes from depression, I maybe wouldn’t be so heavy.

 

Meltdown

Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday.  I didn’t want to do anything–not just that day but ever.  No more writing, no more school, no more teaching, no more mothering, no nothing.  I just wanted to get in the bed and sleep.  ANd I did.  And I meant to only rest for a little while and I woke up to my youngest one banging on the door to be let in off the bus.  SO that made me feel worse.  So I took  a Xanax ‘tthe anxiety and called my counselor and left a message and we wound up talking for a few minutes and I made an appointment for next week.

Goes back to an earlier post–how long do I let the dream of writing something worthwhile and publishable go on?  Do I lock myself into the teaching thing and write as a sideline?  What am I doing with my life?  I don’t know if it’s coming up on my birthday that’s making me  feel this way or what.  I just want to STOP everything and do nothing and see how that feels.  But I can’t.  At the very least, I still have  my youngest to raise. I can’t abandon her to her own devices.  She’s too young.

So we will see what Tillie and I can figure out next week.

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Still Very Down

I’m still really down and upset.  I went to therapy and talked it out and tried to come to terms with what’s happening, but I still don’t want to write about it.  We will see.

My youngest one is sick-she has pharyngitis and is missing out on volunteering at Vacation Bible School.  We hope she can go back tomorrow and be well in time for the trip to Chattanooga this weekend.

My middle one went and chopped her hair off–it’s up to her shoulders after being halfway down her back for so long. It looks really nice on her and I hope she keeps up with it.  She ships out the July 2 for college.  I hope I am ready for this.

I need to work on my essays for class and more work on 46 Reasons Why Not.  Maybe I will be up to it tomorrow.

Keep thinking about me and praying for me.  I really need it.