Easy Day

I did sleep in, but not just because i wanted to. My ear hurt all night–never quite badly enough for me to get up and take medicine, but enough that I didn’t get good sleep. So I slept in and when Bob called ot see if he could bring me anything when he was coming in for lunch, i asked for a Coke. That’s how bad I generally felt. But I managed to get all the stacked-up laundry in the laundry room taken care of. Now I need to get my laundry washed and taken care of.

My youngest went off this afternoon to spend the weekend with Bob’s mom and got to a basketball game at MSU. So that will be fun for her. We are going out to meet our friends Brian and Mary for dinner in Ridgeland. We will have a good time I think–we always do when we get together with them.

I’m still on a pretty even keel emotionally. I like the feeling of stability. I see Tillie again a week from today so that’s going to be good. I am still worried about Bob. He did open up a bit the last time my youngest went off, but now he seems to be shut down again. I want to talk to him about this during this weekend, but I’m really nervous to. I don’t want us to end up a mid-life statistic. But I just feel helpless to help him feel better about life if he’s just going to shut down and stay on his phone all the time. We do have some travel scheduled for Spring Break, this summer, and this fall once our youngest heads out to college. i hope we can travel more once she’s gone and find something we have in common again.

I don’t heat the dryer running any more so I need to check on the laundry again. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Love to all.

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I woke up with a miserable earache–went to the doctor this afternoon and he said my ear canals were both clogged up again and needed to be cleaned out. So that was done, and he said the one with the pain was infected. So I have a few days of antibiotic drops for my ear. I mean, I could barely chew, it hurt so badly. I took an OTC painkiller so I could eat supper and sleep tonight, but my doctor said it shouldn’t still hurt tomorrow morning with the drops. If it still hurts Monday, I’m supposed to come back and see him and see what is going on.

Good day today otherwise.

I am going to sleep in tomorrow morning. I haven’t been able to do that for a while and I am looking forward to it! I have been having good sleep but very strange dreams–last night it was that I went out to eat to a place that looked like pets were welcome, but it turned out that all the “pets” were actually toy robot pets: dogs, cats, etc. Very very strange.

I suppose that’s it for today.

Work Anniversary

So as of today I have worked a year at University Press of Mississippi. Wonderful day. I got a lot done and got set up to do some work putting together the catalog for next season, so that’s going to be fun to do tomorrow. I’m doing half the job, and the new marketing aide is doing the other half. So that’s tomorrow. I’m excited because I wanted to get more involved with this job, and now I am! We will see how it all turns out.

Got an interesting email today–the group I wrote all my investigative stories for has merged with another nonprofit newsroom in the metro area. I think it’s a good move for them–the other newsroom has a lot of their past workmates on it and they have good synergy. We will see how it all spins out in the wash. So that is all the work news I have today :).

Talked with my oldest daughter last night. Her and my grandson are coming up for a visit at the end of February/first of March. I’m looking forward to it! Since it’s just the two of them, they’ll stay here and not get a hotel. I hope the baby sleeps good while he’s here! Otherwise we will have a time of it.

I guess it’s time to go cook dinner. Hope everyone has a good night. See you later!

Good Morning!

Today has been a really good day. We slept in a bit and then went to the dance competition for my youngest. Her studio holds competitions with other local dance groups. They aren’t serious like the big ones my youngest used to go to, so they don’t bother me like the big ones did.

Then we went to Pig and Pint in Jackson for lunch. So yummy. I got a boudin burger and forgot to customize it, so it had brown mustard, but it wasn’t too bad. My own fault for not paying attention to how I ordered it.

As you can see, I changed my blog theme last night. Decided that I needed to keep up with the new blog aesthetic if I want to stay relevant. It’s not the most updated theme, but it was advertised as “blog-friendly” and that was important to me. I’m not all about the images, just the words.

I didn’t feel well this morning. I had such a crazy dream last night I can’t even write it down, it was so crazy. So I didn’t sleep well. But once I got my meds in me, I felt a lot better. So that’s great! It took a VERY long time to get on the best combination of medicine, but I am glad I never had the mindset that I didn’t need them. I saw some improvement immediately, and that was good for my long-term medication compliance. It’s been a work in progress ever since.

Back Home

We are home from the colonoscopy, and Bob is sleeping off the anesthetics. It went well with no serious problems evident so that is a relief. I got a good night’s sleep and that was nice. I am waiting on my youngest to come home from school and will send her to get lunch for all of us once she gets out of school.

I am a little sleepy myself, just yawning. Not wanting to go back to bed, but sleepy nonetheless. Not just sleepy, but lazy, too. Like I want to do everything at my own pace today instead of trying to finish things as soon as possible. I really need to concentrate on laundry today, but that’s something I never feel like doing on the best of days. So I guess I’d better get my act together and do it because it is getting stacked up and behind.

Well, soon my youngest will be home so I need to sign off. Nothing exciting here–and that’s a good thing today. Godspeed.

Going to Be a Long Night . . .

I take Bob for a colonoscopy tomorrow, so I will be sleeping in the other bedroom tonight while he is up and down with going to the bathroom from doing all the prep. He just started drinking the cleansing solution and is very unhappy about it. I am so glad I can take the pills and not tell with that gagging stuff.

Me and my youngest are going out for Mexican tonight for dinner, so I am looking forward to that. I’m going to get fajitas. Yummy!

I got a lot done today. I’m off tomorrow as per normal. I will see what all I can get done to finish all the tasks for March books on Monday, so that will be good. Then I think maybe I’m going to be trained on something new on Tuesday–my boss said something about me learning something new so that will be nice. Just staying up with everything and staying ahead of the game is good. I really like this job and want to learn all I can about it and see where everything fits together for how the press works. The more I know, the more I likely will figure it out and be an asset to everyone.

I am still sitting with the idea that i might actually be content with myself and my life. In some ways, it’s really sad that it took me so long to come to this place. And there’s a tiny sliver of myself wondering if I have given up trying to my best self. But life is really going well for me in so many areas. Nothing wrong for being happy while working for more, and nothing to be gained by riding myself hard to achieve more at this point. Peace is the goal. Wellness is the goal. Maybe I’ve found it?

Godspeed.

Happy Feet

You think some of the weirdest things when you have bipolar disorder.

I went into my bathroom this morning and started to slide on my new Snoopy bed slippers to keep my feet warm while I worked from home today.

Instead of putting my feet into the slipper, I put my left foot on the slipper–and heard a squeaking sound.

I thought I had stepped on a mouse–something squeaky and furry. I picked my foot up and looked down.

No mouse. Just the slipper.

Then I thought, “Okay. I’m having auditory hallucinations.” I put my foot back down, but not on the slipper. Stood there for a second. Nothing.

Then I had an idea. I stepped on the slipper again.

Same sound. Again. Slightly different sound–like a dog whining.

My Snoopy slippers had a device in the top of the slipper that made sounds from the Peanuts cartoons.

My Snoopy slippers had giggled.

Well. At least I wasn’t hallucinating.

Baby Time!

Just got off a video call with my grandson–his mom said he pitched a fit and was grabbing at her phone and she thinks he wanted to talk to me! So she called me, and we had a chat together. He was a happy little man while I was talking to him. He’s learned to play peek-a-boo; I covered my face and said “Where’s Grandma?” and then uncovered it and said “Here I am!”, and he put his little hand over his own face! Then as soon as he moved it, I said “There’s the baby! Where’s the baby?” and he covered his face again. So he is learning!

Good day today. I got a lot accomplished. Still have a lot to do this week, but I will work from home tomorrow since they are talking about another outage in our area on Thursday. So I am going to swap my days in the office to tomorrow at home and Thursday at the office. I think it’s going to work really well.

I am starting to have hope again. I still have that contented feeling, and I am starting to settle into it. I like knowing that I don’t have to fight myself anymore or fight the outside world either. I can finally relax and enjoy life just for itself, I feel like. We will see if it lasts.

BPHope put up my friendship blog post today, so that was nice to see this morning. Here is the post: https://www.bphope.com/blog/6-tips-for-forming-friendships-with-bipolar-disorder/

I guess that’s all for today. Hopefully we all can have a good week and keep going strong. Godspeed to all.

Family Matters

I called up my middle child today and had a good visit. Her and Bob talk while he’s driving home from work and they text, but I’m not the queen of texting so I gave her a call today. We had a good visit. She is working with a new person they’ve hired at her office and says that is going well. She is due to go to NYC for a work job and they are looking at doing that in February. She sounded so good. I know she is masterful at sounding good even if she isn’t, but I hope we’re past her not telling us if she is struggling.

My youngest one’s birthday is coming up, so we need to be getting ready for that. She wants a family party so we are going to set that up soon. We’ve ordered what she wants for her birthday so that’s good. Hopefully she can enjoy her 18th birthday.

I work at home tomorrow and am looking forward to it. I do the blog and will see about doing some book requests. Depending on what else comes in my inbox what else I will do. I need to be getting my tax materials in order as well for the upcoming tax season.

Still kicking around the idea of being CONTENT. Still feels weird, but I’m getting used to it. I hope it stays.

I guess that’s all for that today. Would be really cool to see that I could just be happy and content on the inside. Hope so. Godspeed to all.

Good Therapy Session

Tillie and I had a good session yesterday. I talked about this weird new feeling I am having of emptiness that may or may not actually be internal peace. We spent a lot of time trying to categorize it and never quite hit on the right words for it. I’m simply missing the internal driver I used to have to accomplish things. I don’t know if whatever is missing has been filled by my day job and so I don’t need an outside project to validate my worth or what. I don’t know if what I am feeling is actually contentment because it is something I don’t ever recall feeling before. It’s all very confusing. It’s not going away, either. I may only be distressed about it because it doesn’t feel normal to ME. I am used to always being stirred up in my head about something. I may just not recognize it as peace. But I am starting to wonder if that’s not what it is.

Slept in this morning and had a good lunch at Amerigo’s today. I think i am just going to goof off the rest of today and do laundry if I do anything else. That’s doesn’t take a lot of effort so it will be nice to have running in the background while I goof off.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. Godspeed.