I guess this post should have been a Valentine’s Day one, but I’ve been reading Alexandra Stoddard lately, her books about loving those you are close to and how to be at home with them. I’m partway through “Happiness for Two” and I’m moved to write about Bob, my husband
He has been such a rock for me for almost 25 years now. We dated four years before we were married and even then, he had a wonderful tolerance for my moods, enthusiasms, and ups and downs. He was the first man I ever really opened my heart to–he was my first boyfriend, and even when we went through a short period when we dated other people, he was still one of my best friends.
The day we came back from the honeymoon, the knowledge was finally setting in that I was moving in with him and would be with him the rest of my life, God willing. I still had a rocky relationship with my parents and knew I would never live with them again, but it broke through to me that I had just made a lifetime commitment, especially since we went through the day changing checking accounts, getting my new driver’s license, and getting a new Social Security card. I was uncharacteristically quiet all day, almost scared. And he noticed. All he said was that he hoped I found a job where the boss would be accepting of my moods and didn’t press me for details. I don’t know what I would have said to him if he did.
We’ve been through several deaths, the birth of three children, moves from one house to another, a child’s rebellious stage, several job changes for me and him, the flu, chickenpox, rotavirus, pneumonia, and everything in between. Even when my moods oscillated wildly, he never got mad or upset with me about them. The only one he couldn’t stand was what he called “whining”–fussing about something that wasn’t going to change. When we were going through rough times, often he would write me a letter talking about how proud he was of me handling everything that was going on.
When he found out I had tried to act on my obsession with his co-worker, he was so, so hurt. I knew he would be if he ever found out,. And for a while I didn’t know if we were going to make it through that. But he was still kind to me and never let on to the children the kind of trouble we were having. He didn’t walk out on me or kick me out; he didn’t abdicate his role as a dad, he supported me when I needed ti with the kids and has never, ever thrown the situation back in my face at any point.
So many marriages don’t make it through bipolar episodes,. I am blessed to be in one that has. Thank you, Bob for loving me more than I thought anyone ever could.