I visited my friend MJ today over brunch, and we started talking about our lives, and I shared with her how my colonoscopy last year and not being on my meds for 24 hours affected me. When I told her about my half-hearted attempt at suicide, her eyes got big.
After I finished, she said, “You need to stop. You have been trying to kill yourself for a long time, and one day you just might do it. You need to stop.”
That set me back on my heels.
She went on.
“I don’t want to live in a world without you in it.”
That shocked me even more.
No one has ever said such to me. Not my husband, or my children, or anyone.
I thought about her statement all the drive home.
She’s right. I do need to take suicide off the table as an option.
All my life I have tried to escape situations that distressed me. I realize now that I have thought of it as the ultimate get-out-of-jail card. The last plan.
I need to decide to live. And stick to it.
And stop trying to run away from my problems.
Please pray for me to make that commitment: to live. No matter what happens.