Florida Hurricane Watch

So yesterday was the Katrina anniversary and all the attendant emotion, and my oldest daughter calls at lunch to let me know her hurricane plan for Dorian next week.  She’s  planning to stay on Disney World grounds and ride it out in their hurricane facilities.

She’s moving onto the property likely Saturday and will just wait it out there, cooking for guests and employees of the hotel.  They will likely have guests because this week was the opening for the Star Wars attraction and a lot of people are not going to be able to leave before the storm hits.  SO that is the deal so far.

I just pray that it weakens before it hits Florida. I dont’ want her to have her own hurricane trauma.  She remembers Katrina but this would be as an adult on her own and away from family help.  She has friends there who can help if they need to she says, so we will see what happens.

I’m holding up okay thus far.  Getting ready to eat lunch; not sure what I’m going to get but I’ll manage.  Started reading Biloxi last night and it’s not too bad.  I’m not yet into the meat of the story, but we’ll see how it goes.  Hopefully I  will knock it out in short order and start on the others as well.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and can stay safe from the weather here down south.  Thanks all for reading!


Hurricane Irma

I will not have flashbacks.

I will not have flashbacks.

I will not have flashbacks.

Maybe if I say it enough it will come true.


The Hospital

We rode in silence.  I didn’t’ want to talk to anyone anymore.  We got to the hospital, and I was led in to the ER by the EMT’s.  They sat me in a wheelchair and handed me my luggage.  A nurse approached me with a chipboard in her hand—I had to sign paperwork to be treated and they needed my ID and insurance cards.  So I filled out all the paperwork the best I could with the nurse helping me.  Before she took it to the desk, she looked me in the eye and asked if I went to church.  I said I did, but that it didn’t seem to be working for me right now.  She nodded and moved off to file my papers and admit me to the hospital.

Again, I’m still not sure what was happening on Bob’s end.  I think his friend called to let him know I was going into the hospital—I don’t know if that had been included in the police’s plans the last time they had communicated with the Brandon Police.  I gave the hospital his number to call to get more information about my condition and my past treatment.  I remember the ER doctor sitting down with me and telling me I was going to be committed to a hospital because I had come in as a suicide patient, did I care which one.

I told him my doctor’s name and phone number and the name and phone number of the last hospital I had been to in March.  I said I would like to go to that one to by close to my husband and kids.  He checked into it and informed me that it would have to be a Louisiana hospital because I was being committed by the state.  By this time, I had been up for almost twenty-for hours straight without sleep—a hallmark symptom of mania.

After a day of searching for a hospital that could take me, I wound up spending three days in a Louisiana mental ward, then being discharged to my husband, who had to cross the state to get me as I was in a far west corner of Louisiana.  We drove home, stopping off halfway to spend the night, and went to my hospital to be readmitted since Bob could tell I wasn’t yet well.  I spent about a week there, seeing my doctor and trying different meds to take me down from the mania.

So began my journey through a diagnosis of bipolar disorder I.  I look back amazed at the miracles that happened to keep me safe during this episode.  I’m forever grateful to my husband’s co-worker for being willing to help me.  I’m glad that the police saw I needed to go to the hospital instead of jail.   I’m so very thankful Bob was willing to take me back after scaring him so badly; I cried for a long time over the grief I put him and my family through. Even the fact that I drove so far away and didn’t have an accident or any other incident seems miraculous to me. But I know God was watching over me to bring me through it safely.


Finally one of the officers asked her what she felt like needed to happen next.  Her answer, “Well, she’s said she certainly did plan to do it,” triggered a response from both the other officers—they all stood around me in a rough circle, looking at me.  One said, “We can walk you downstairs as long as you promise to behave.  Or we can get a hospital bed up here and strap you into it.”

I said, “I’ll be fine.”  With that, one officer picked up my suitcases.  I grabbed my purse and laptop.  The other male officer got my quilt, and the policewoman led the way downstairs.

As I walked by the front hotel desk, I put my key cards down on the counter.  “I guess I’m checking out,” I said.  The clerk, staring at me, nodded her head.

We went outside, and I saw my husband’s friend talking to another officer.  He started towards me as I walked out of the building, while the officer he’d been talking to came right behind him.

“I’m sorry,” I said to him.  And I was.  Sorry that I was causing so much trouble.  Sorry that I had obviously scared him to death if he felt he had to call the police. And sorry that I had burdened him with my problem.

He seemed to know exactly what I meant.  He shook his head.  “Don’t be,” he said quietly.

We stood around for an awkward moment.  Then one of the officers told me they were going to take me to an emergency room, did I care which one?  I looked to my husband’s friend.  He commented that the county hospital was a good one; he and his wife had had their child there.  So I nodded my head to the officer, and they led me to the ambulance.

The Police

The police beat my husband’s friend to the hotel room I was in—they knocked on the door about half an hour later.  At first I didn’t want to open the door and asked them if they could show their badges to me through the peephole.  This request didn’t get a response. They simply stood at the door and waited for me to open it.

I finally let them in and started talking to the policewoman that came in the door.  The other two policemen searched the room, I assume looking for my gun.  Finally the policewoman asked where it was, and I handed her my purse.  “Is there anything else in here than can hurt me if I reach in?“ she asked.  I said no—all I had was the .38 pistol Bob had taught me how to shoot.  She took it out and handed it to one of the other police officers.

They had left a man downstairs with their car, and he called up on the radio to let them know that Bob’s friend had arrived and was asking about me.  The policewoman continued talking to me, asking me why I had done what I had done.  I told her most of the story as best as I could at the time—my thoughts were spinning more out of control and my speech was more pressured and monotone.  I remember the policewoman calling Bob on my phone and handing it to me to talk to him.  He spent our time talking about how much he loved me and how he wanted to see me get better and would do whatever he had to do to help me do that.  I just sat there and cried.  After I finished, the policewoman talked to him for a moment, then put my phone back in my purse.


His wife answered.  I asked for him, and she said he wasn’t home, could she take a message?

I didn’t know how to leave the message I had in mind, so I simply hung up and started crying.  I didn’t know anyone else in the area and couldn’t think of what to do next.  I was sitting there wondering what to do when my cell phone rang a few minutes later.

I answered the phone, and it was Bob’s friend I had tried to call—his wife had pulled my number off the caller ID and passed it along to him.  I guess he was used to getting random calls from people for business because he said, “What can I do for you?”

I took a deep breath to calm myself and spilled out my story—how I had driven down to the coast to kill myself and had changed my mind.  I talked quickly and in a monotone—the disease was starting to affect my thought and speech patterns in a severe way.  I told him where was and how I had gotten there.

I can’t imagine what he must have felt hearing this woman he barely knew telling him this story.  He finally interrupted me and said, “What do you need me to do?”

I said, “I need you to come get this gun away from me.”

He said, “All right.  I can do that.”  Then he hung up.

I’m not clear on what exactly happened after that.  Bob says that his friend called the office and let them know he had heard from me and that he was calling the police.  I believe Bob then contacted the Brandon Police with the information, who then called the Covington officials to coordinate what was to be done.  Bob says the first plan was for the police to find me and release me to his friend’s custody.  Then Bob could come and get me and get me home.

All I knew was that help was on the way.

Chickened Out

I was chickening out.  I didn’t really want to die but didn’t know how to proceed from here.  I wanted to go home but didn’t know if Bob would take me back or not.  I didn’t want to call him and get an angry response because I knew that would send me around the bend and I really would kill myself if I did. So I decided I needed to get rid of the gun before I called him.   Trouble was, I didn’t know the area and couldn’t think of a way to just throw it away and didn’t think that would be safe.  I desperately wanted to talk to someone but didn’t know who.

I thought about that.  A friend of mine’s husband was working on the Coast in hurricane relief—he had been in my Sunday School class for several years.  I thought about trying to call him.  I realized that I would have to call his cell—he was living in a travel trailer and volunteering for various cleanup agencies.  I didn’t know his cell number and didn’t feel comfortable calling my friend to get it.

I thought some more.  I had another acquaintance in the area—he worked for Bob’s company in New Orleans and on the coast.  I went online and looked up his name on in New Orleans and found out he actually lived in Madisonville, just down the road.  I looked at my watch—it was around 4:30 p.m.  Maybe he would be home for dinner by now.  So I called the number on my cell phone.