Archives

Feeling Good

Up early this morning for no discernable reason. 🙂 I guess it’s a good thing that I’m not sleeping all the time anymore–it feels good to be awake and aware. But I so enjoyed sleeping in on the weekends. Anyway. So I will attempt to use the time wisely. We’ll see.

I think we have a slow day today–we’re going out with friends tonight while my youngest goes to prom. We’ll be available by cell phone if she needs us for anything so that will be good. She’s looking forward to going out–has her dress, her nails, her date, and a plan for her hair, so I suppose she’s prepared enough.

We’re going out with church friends we haven’t seen in a while; we were in the same Sunday school class, then they left to teach a new-parents class so they stopped attending. But we are still friends and do things with them occasionally. The wife was really close to my middle daughter while she was home so I am looking forward to exchanging news with her tonight about her. So looking forward to it!

Finally got my new diploma up on the wall in my office. It’s been sitting on the desk waiting for forever after I got it framed. I just had a few minutes to kill before I left for my appointment with Tillie yesterday so I put it up with hammer and nail. They all look really good up on the wall and the space reserved for it when I moved into the office is finally taken up. 🙂 I am proud of myself for that diploma in so many ways.

I’m just looking forward to the rest of my life. That is an encouraging thought. I remember when I never thought past the next few minutes because that was all I could handle. I remember when I thought I would never have a future because I was so suicidal. But now? I can see my way to planning a future ahead. That is such a liberating feeling.

Late

Sorry to be posting late–we have been busy today.

Went to the Greek place for lunch again and it was just as delicious–braised lamb and vegetables with salad, Very yummy. Then the youngest and I went clothes and shoe shopping at TJ Maxx and then Shoe Station. I found some lovely plates and napkins to replenish the picnic drawer for later on at TJ Maxx so we threw those in. I hope to continue to lose weight to go clothes shopping once it’s warm all the time. We will see how it turns out.

I plan to do laundry this afternoon after Bob’s clothes finish drying and I’ll get my laundry going. It was nice to go shopping–me and the youngest talked about stuff in the car on the way out to the shopping center so that was fun. Bob stayed home with his allergies so maybe he can go to church tomorrow. We will see.

I need to write soon for BP Hope–I’m slated to do a post about how I went back to work in a way that was good for my mental health. I will talk about the job search, the interviews, keeping my head held high throughout, and what the whole experience has been like.

(i wrote something here but had to delete it because of who might see it and misunderstand. This is the problem I am having nowadays. My blog has gone out to so many people that more people I know in real life are reading it. And I have to be more careful of what I post. And it wasn’t anything bad, even. Now I am a little angry and have no one to blame but myself.)

Anyway.

I suppose I need to get going on laundry. Hope everyone is having a good day. Pray for the world situations and that God will be seen at work through it all. Love to all.

Life

Life must go on.

I got my new laptop for work. I’ll finish getting it set up Monday and start working with it once that is done. I am so glad. The older computer was getting very, very slow and draggy about processing input. So now I have a new personal 2-in-1 and the new laptop, and everything should buzz along in tiptop shape from now on. I hope so. There’s always user error to consider. 🙂

I feel better today. I put on another pair of pants that had gotten too tight in the waist earlier and now they fit better–still a little tight but easier to wear. More hopeful in general. I’m staying busy and occupied and letting the world take up less space in my mind. So I think I am just going to have to keep doing this mind-over-matter mechanism and not exactly forget about the state of the world but ignore it more often than I have been doing. Otherwise I know it’s entirely possible for me to completely flip out.

I love how my oldest is able to keep a positive outlook. I am so mad at the world on her behalf–COVID and everything that came with that had, in my mind, seriously derailed her twenties. But she doesn’t see it that way, so I am grateful. She is still happy and excited to wake up and live her life. That makes me happy to think about.

I guess I will run to the grocery store and pick everything up. Not much to get but some. Then to the drugtsore to pick up my refills. Then try to get work done making phone calls and sending emails. Hopefully that will go well. I so want to keep going with the other writing I am doing. I feel like I am making an impact with it that my previous freelance work did not make. That makes me feel good inside as well–that I am able to use my gift of writing to do good in the world.

Godspeed.

Staying Busy

I’m just working along, staying busy when I go to work. I have two articles I am working on for MCIR and doing the house stuff, too. I am still in a good mood so that helps, too. I’m supposed to be trained on a new area of the job today, but it doesn’t sound very complicated. I have the marketing team caught up in several areas so that is nice to know I am making an impact there. And my MCIR articles are making an impact, too–my boss sent me an email he got from a reader that has led to another story for me to do, so that is good news. The kids are all doing well as far as I know, and Bob’s dad is still hanging in there. Things nearby seem to be going well.

But the possibility of world war is kind of knocking me off kilter, as many of you saw yesterday. And that powerlessness has the possibility to really throw me out of whack. I don’t like that feeling.

I suppose all I can do is give it to God. Otherwise I will go crazy like I did at the beginning of the pandemic. I cannot let it steal my peace. I just can’t. But it is doing just that. I’m trying to stay away from the news again, but it is ever-present everywhere I look. I’ve written about it and am trying to pray whenever the fear comes up. But staying busy over the work I can do something about seems to be what helps the most.

I have another post to do for BP Hope and may propose doing a post about how I’m feeling. I will see what I can do. Keep up hope and all that. I may not can do anything about the war, but I can change how I am reacting to it. Doing my best over here. Pray that you can do your best today as well.

Lost

This world is so lost. Threats of nuclear annihilation? Check. Does anything else really need to be said? We thought after 1990 that this kind of fear was over. Destroying the world was thought to no longer be an option. What can we do besides pray in the face of this kind of threat?

Everywhere I look I see people paralyzed by fear. Some are taking action. But so, so many cannot out of fear of repercussions around the world. It’s just hopeless.

All we can hope for now is to mitigate the suffering.

Please pray.

War

Well, war has come to Europe for the first time since WWII. Pray for those facing the loss of life and freedom that is sure to follow.

Very sobering news.

I don’t know what else to say.

I Can’t Do It

I’m still too paralyzed to write. I am scared to make phone calls or send emails. I’m scared of the blank page. I’ve lost the thread of the story, the meaning behind why I do what I do. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of another shutdown when my kids are just now getting their lives together from the last one. I’m scared Bob is going to get COVID since he is unvaccinated or that my youngest will get it before we have a chance to complete her vaccine series. Or that my father-in-law will get it and die. My anxiety is rising again the longer I try to type. i can’t escape the fear. I thought once we had a vaccine that this would all die out. It feels like someone is making sure we’re never truly free again.

Phone Calls

I have put out all my phone calls that I know to do so far for my stories for MCIR.  And I have the zoom call this afternoon for my story on MCIR with everyone involved. So I’ve put all that out to the universe and am just waiting around for return calls.  I got up with Bob this morning and don’t feel sleepy at all. So whatever is going on with me chemically is working.  And I take my last sample pill of Latuda tonight. So we will see what happens.

SO I called BCBS and they said they still hadn’t received the paperwork from Dr. Bishop’s office.  THey called while I was on the line again and reported back that the girl at Dr. Bishop’s  said she hadn’t had time to file it.  SO I called her and was surprisingly polite but was thoroughly angry as well.  I told her I was going to pay the full freight this time but expected it to be resolved by next month.  Next time it will be Bob calling and he will not be nice or polite either.

I am going to ask Debbie if I can do a story on my experience with Abilify a few years ago as a personal column.  We will see how it goes.

I am rereading all my craft books from my bibliography and absorbing all the knowledge they have for rewriting my thesis starting in July.  I will work on where I know it’s weak and see what Ellen Ann says when I give it to her in August.  I need to work on my thesis proposal as well; I will write Dunkleberg and find out exactly when it is due.  So I am staying busy throughout the morning.

Hope everyone has a good day and stays safe.  Hang in there, everyone.

 

Meme

I saw a picture yesterday of a woman standing outside in her yard. The caption was “Let’s see which chapter of Revelations we’re going to be living today.”

We will never have peace until we unite as one under the love of the one who gives us eternal peace in his precious holy name.  Until then, we can fight for justice to be done.

 

Post on BPHope Today!

My May post for http://www.bphope.com went up today about maintaining access to my treatment team during the pandemic. She edited it a bit so that was all right.  I’m very proud of the work I am doing for them.  I already sent in my June entry so we will see what they do with that.

My youngest goes back to dance for the first time since Spring Break today.  She is having a private lesson in tap. They start regular dance practice again next Monday but not the competition team. The girl that handles the competition team just had a baby so all of that is on hold until the fall, I believe. If she brings it back at all. We will see.

I was so hoping life could go back to normal in fall but more and more it looks like people will still be at home as late as July. I don’t know what they’re going to do about school here. I hope the kids can go back if there’s not a rebound infection wave. I hope my oldest can avoid getting sick when she goes back to work. Florida hasn’t had many cases in proportion to their population so maybe it won’t happen there. So much we don’t know.

I will go get ready for my day. Start laundry, get dressed, then do thesis work until around lunchtime. I am so glad I still have a project to work on to keep me occupied. I need to look into doing my formal Thesis Proposal soon; I may need to work with y advisor on that for mid-July. Anyway. Hope everyone is safe today.