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Eventful Day

So today has been busy. I went to my sleep doctor and got told that the test went really well so I would get a scrip for the breathing machine. But the world is short on them just like it is everything else. So it will be a few more weeks until I get it.

Now I am typing this on my phone waiting for my oil to get changed in my car. I don’t like typing on my phone. But it passes the time while I am waiting.

Today has been a good feeling day. I got a few phone calls done in the car on the way here so that was good. My youngest and her friend go to the State game this weekend. So they will have fun.

But we will, too–Bob and i will Christmas shop and spend time together while she is gone so that will be good.

So now I am tired of typing. Hope you have a great weekend.

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Fall Slump

I think my annual fall slump is in full swing. I really had a hard time rolling out of bed his morning. I am awake now, but it took forever.

I finished my article yesterday for Verywell Mind. I am of two minds about doing a new one with them. I have the materials, but it looks like a lot of work. I just don’t know.

i hate feeling so bad in the mornings. I like to try to get stuff done in the mornings. But not the way I am feeling right now. I may go out and get some caffeine. I need to hurry though because I work this morning.

Just the ups and downs of being bipolar. They hurt every time they happen. Please pray I find my through the fog today and can work. I just want to go back to bed.

Godspeed.

From the Beginning

Monday afternoon I really felt like I was flipping out–I was fantasizing about driving down I-20 West and not stopping until I got to California and finding a hotel room and staying until my credit card was maxed out. I was just DONE. I was tired of everything, my body was racing to keep up with my mind, and I was ready to disappear for a good while to get away from everything. So I called Dr. Bishop, and they told me to go to the ER at St. D’s. I called Bob and quick-packed a bag (I thought admission would be a slam-dunk) and we went and sat. And sat and sat and sat. Finally around 6:30 I was examined and they said a) their ward was full and b) I wasn’t quite sick enough for admission. SO. We came back home.

The next day I set up an appointment with Dr, Bishop early in the morning and he said I just needed some med adjustments. So he doubled my klonopin and Tranzdone meds, added Depakote, and took out the Welbutrin. So If I still feel crazy Thursday to come back and he would jigger them again; otherwise, I have an appointment Monday. So that is where we stand right now.

I do feel a lot better today. But I am stunned at how much medicine I am taking. I don’t see how I am still breathing and walking around with the sheer amount of meds it takes to calm me down. There’s got to be rules about how many meds a patient can take safely. And the schedule is so confusing now that I am having to load my pill organizer with the dosages. Craziness. Just put me somewhere and give me injections if all these pills are the alternative.

So let me see what all I can do today. Thanks for listening and praying. I am feeling better so thank you all for that. It’s been a wild couple of days.

Heavy Heart

Bob’s dad is not doing well at all. It seems to just be a matter of time at this point. My oldest is here to visit and help, and my middle one is probably on her way Saturday on her birthday. Today is the oldest one’s birthday and as she put it, this is not how either one intended to spend their birthday weekend. I have permission to work at home today since the oldest has the baby, and I can sit with him when he naps and she goes to visit her grandfather.

My oldest is worried about me. She told me yesterday that she remembered how I went down at their great-grandmother’s funeral eleven years ago, so I understand. I am trying to be strong and handle everything without going bipolar either way. If I need Tillie or my doctor, I will have them available during the week; I am scheduled to see Dr. Bishop on Monday and Tillie on Friday. We will see how things go.

Pray that we all can bear up under the stress of the next few weeks and maybe months. My worry is my kids and Bob. I think Iwill be all right unless some new crisis develops on top of this. I know I need to depend on God. And I will. I don’t have the strength.