So It’s Happened

The Christian college that I applied to work for has come through and assigned me a class of British Lit to teach this fall.  Now I need to wait and see if someone signs up for it :).  I’m going by there today to pick up the book and work out a syllabus for use in the class.  Classes start August 21.  I’m so excited!

We’ll have logistics to work out like how to make sure Rachel is taken care of getting on the bus. Hopefully the bus will come earlier by that time than it did yesterday :).  We didn’t see it until 8:30 am.  (Classes start at 8:00).  But everyone was held up so it wasn’t a great big deal.

Lo and behold –the bus just came through on time.  SO maybe they have all the kinks worked out already. That would be great,  I suppose I will run now and get to the school to get my book.  Brave the traffic and see what it will be like,



Good News!

I finally got a nibble on my calls about adjunct teaching. A private college in nearby Clinton, MS  called me yesterday and said they possibly would have some openings for fall but definitely for spring.  So I am jumping through all the hoops: filing out an application, requesting transcripts, and getting my CV in their hands.  One final step for the transcripts and everything should be complete.

I also wrote something really neat last night.  There was a contest for baseball writing.  I love baseball.  And I’ve wanted to do something on a particular baseball player that made a stop at a Mississippi independent team back in 1998.  I’ve wanted to write this story for almost 20 years.  And I was all ready to do my research and write this compelling story–and I saw the deadline was that night.  SO instead I went minimalist.  I wrote a nonfiction poem about this story under 200 words that got all the facts in and just shipped it off right after I finished it.  So we will see what they think.

I feel so much better than I did yesterday.  I hope this job really does work out. The department head sounded very encouraging.  So maybe it will.


“Brain on Fire”

I did something I’ve been putting off doing–I finally bought “Brain on Fire” by Amy Cahalan and read it.  I had heard a great deal about it and had read the AMazon entry about it, so I knew it would be a “competing” title in the marketplace to anything I wrote, so I was interested.

What I read didn’t really distinguish it from other books of the same type I have read except that it was all reconstructed after the fact-she has no memory of the psychosis and had to interview doctors, nurses, her parents, her friends, etc. to  get material for the book.  So it was masterful in that sense that it reads like first-person memories when it may as well be a third-person interview situation.  But I did impress on me that I need to interview people more than I have been doing for whatever I turn out to do.  I just don’t know how to go about it.


Anxiety Again

I’m going back to my therapist early because I got all lined up to do some creative writing yesterday and got hit with another bout of major anxiety.  What if it’s no good?  What if no one likes it?  Am I wasting my time?  Why do I think I can write this story?  Etc. Etc. On and on.

I thought I had writer’s block beaten.  I’m writing here every day, I’m writing for my classes and making all A’s on everything I turn in, I’m actually publishing things, and I sat down and completely freaked out. I had to take a Xanax to calm back down.  I wound up in bed watching the minutes tick by all afternoon while the youngest one cleaned her room.

It wasn’t generalized anxiety like last time.,  It was very specific with a specific locus in my writing.   So I’m gong to talk to her and see if I can’t find a way to wire around it.

Wish me luck.


Alexandra Stoddard

So today I got to interview Ms. Stoddard about my article I’m going to submit to Creative Nonfiction!  She was so gracious.  She called me around nine this morning and just gave me generous time to finish my questions and write everything down.  She even gave me her personal number incase I needed to call her again for other information.  So I  have had an uplifting morning already!  If you are not familiar with her design and  art-of-living philosophy, go to her site and brows her books.  Her seminal work is “Living a Beautiful Life” and is a good introduction to her work.

Now on e my friend gives her clinician’s opinion, I’ll b ready to write.  I’ll get it in well before the deadline and  see what happens.   I really feel good about doing this article.  I think it’s going to come together well and have a chance to be accepted.

I remember my friend Deidre lending me the book “Living a Beautiful LIfe” when I was in college and then finding it in a bookstore much later once I married and buying it.  I now own almost all her books that are still in print and love to get them out and read them for inspiration.


Wanting to Work

I checked out a local jobs site for the fun of it, and saw where one of my old freelance clients is hiring a full-time writer for the suburban beat.  It’s so tempting to think about applying.  I’m tired of not working already even though I’ve only been out of work two months.  But I just don’t know if I can handle full-time work or not.  That’s not true actually. I know I can’t.  When I tried teaching three classes last fall, I failed miserably and felt miserable the whole time. ANd soon we’ll be busy with school stuff again and I will feel better.

I just wish bipolar disorder had never happened to me.  I think about how well I was doing in my career before it did and I wonder what I could be accomplishing today almost ten years later. Occasionally I just want to kick myself for letting it all go and not trying harder to keep working.  But I don’t know what else I could have done.  I was trying to pivot to writing creatively full-time, but I just didn’t really have any success.  Hopefully this MFA program can bring that to fruition.  I need to get over my writer’s back for that to happen, though.  We’ll see what happens once classes start.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Work and Disability

I took the evaluations to heart and spent the summer reorganizing the syllabus and making different selections of material to read that was much more accessible and understandable.  I spent another semester teaching one course of Comp II and felt that it went much better than the first—the students didn’t seem to struggle nearly as much as my earlier ones had.  I was well on my way to enjoying myself in the classroom again.

Not too surprisingly, I was able to keep my benefits while teaching because the pay was woefully inadequate.  They were paying the same amount per class as they had been paying eighteen years before when I first applied to teach there when I moved to Brandon.  A few semesters later, the pay was raised, but I could still teach up to three classes a semester and stay under the earnings threshold for continuing my benefits. I pay taxes and Social Security on my earnings—I am not paid in cash or under the table so I am staying within the law working on a part-time basis.

That is an important consideration for people who wish to return to work while on Social Security benefits.  Important aspects to remember are the earnings threshold, the fact that you can continue to draw benefits for a three-year trial work period, and the fact that your Medicare benefits can extend even longer even if your Social Security benefits have to stop.

Supplemental Security Income has much different rules, ruling out almost any work while drawing benefits.  Check with the local Social Security office to see what those rules are currently, since the earnings threshold changes just about every year.

I’m now teaching two classes a year of Introduction to Creative Writing for a homeschooling co-op in my area as well.  Keeping the work low-stress has been the key to my being able to hold down the job.  Only working two or three days a week has been a good schedule for me thus far.  If I can keep out of the hospital, I may entertain the thought of going full-time with the college in the future.  I’ll have to pray long and hard about that—seeing how the benefits and pay would stack up against whatever extra stress I would go through teaching more classes and taking on other administrative tasks that go with full-time professoring.  Or I may find some other work altogether.  I just know I need to seek God’s counsel and find out what he has in store for me next!