Month: July 2022

Sleepy

I don’t know what to do. I was scary sleepy again this morning, scared to drive, sleeping through church, taking a nap once I got home. I don’t know if it’s the meds still or the reason I’m having the sleep study done. I just know I can’t function like this in the mornings. It’s ridiculous.

Got some good news late last night. Mississippi has two professional theatre companies, and the one up in North MS has accepted my play Hurricane Baby for full-length production for its inaugural season! So that is exciting news. Their website is http://www.msrep.org if you want to look at the full season. Some classics and some new plays like mine. I am excited. It will be some time in May because they have some tech issues they have to work out on how to do the sets and staging.

So I suppose I need to get to work on my other projects. Hope everyone has a good weekend and a good week this week!

Helped

Cutting out one of my extra pills helped some as far as waking up this morning, but then I went back to sleep on my office couch. But it’s okay–it’s Saturday and that’s what Saturdays are for.

I finally feel right again. Not nearly so zombified like yesterday and not crazy like earlier this week. That’s what I’m looking for–an even keel. I’m hoping to send off my fiction project to another reader Monday and find something else to work on. I hope I can get one of my MCIR stories done soon.

I go back and see my psychiatrist Monday and hope I can stay on the even keel. I am now officially talking a LOT of pills. I’m like, How am I still ALIVE taking all these pills? You hear the joke about the old folks who take all their pills and out them into a bowl and just grab a handful out and take them every morning and every night? I am starting to feel like that. But I guess I should be glad there is a way for me to live right on them.

I guess I will run for the day. Everybody stay happy and healthy. Godspeed.

Negative

Bob just took a COVID test and it was negative. Which was good news. He doesn’t feel well at all so he come home from work early. I go see Tillie in about twenty minutes so that will be good as well. Try to sort out what happened this week. I will have to fight sleepiness to get there, I’m afraid–the meds are being harder on me than I thought at first. I had a devil of a time waking up this morning.

I got contradictory feedback from my bIeta readers–one said to jump right in with the story and that the buildup to the beginning felt forced. The other said I needed more backstory –not less. So that’s confusing. I think I’ll let the next reader break the tie 🙂

That’s all I can think of this morning. I am very sleepy and am going to get a drink and a snickers or something to wake me up. Pray for me as I’m driving.

Taking a Break

Taking a short break to post here. I feel a lot better today–much more able to keep up with my brain than before. THe meds are making me sleepy, but it’s only waking up in the mornings. After I get up and get moving, I do pretty well. Yesterday I took work slow, but today I am rocking along pretty well getting work done. SO it is all evening out.

The weekend is looking pretty good. Pretty lazy. I think that may be the best thing for us.

I am so close to finishing my fiction project–I need to fill in some holes in one story and finish drafting the final story. And I am getting some of my feedback in so that is good. I will see about cutting down some words in some of the middle portions of the stories if I see the same feedback from my other reader. We will see how it goes.

I guess I need to go back to work. Wish me well. Godspeed.

From the Beginning

Monday afternoon I really felt like I was flipping out–I was fantasizing about driving down I-20 West and not stopping until I got to California and finding a hotel room and staying until my credit card was maxed out. I was just DONE. I was tired of everything, my body was racing to keep up with my mind, and I was ready to disappear for a good while to get away from everything. So I called Dr. Bishop, and they told me to go to the ER at St. D’s. I called Bob and quick-packed a bag (I thought admission would be a slam-dunk) and we went and sat. And sat and sat and sat. Finally around 6:30 I was examined and they said a) their ward was full and b) I wasn’t quite sick enough for admission. SO. We came back home.

The next day I set up an appointment with Dr, Bishop early in the morning and he said I just needed some med adjustments. So he doubled my klonopin and Tranzdone meds, added Depakote, and took out the Welbutrin. So If I still feel crazy Thursday to come back and he would jigger them again; otherwise, I have an appointment Monday. So that is where we stand right now.

I do feel a lot better today. But I am stunned at how much medicine I am taking. I don’t see how I am still breathing and walking around with the sheer amount of meds it takes to calm me down. There’s got to be rules about how many meds a patient can take safely. And the schedule is so confusing now that I am having to load my pill organizer with the dosages. Craziness. Just put me somewhere and give me injections if all these pills are the alternative.

So let me see what all I can do today. Thanks for listening and praying. I am feeling better so thank you all for that. It’s been a wild couple of days.

Feeling Better

I feel a bit more aware and motivated today. I have to file an Ethics Commission complaint tomorrow about not getting records for story I am working on, and then I think I will write it up with what information I have.

Called and changed my appointment for follow up with my doctor visit on Friday–they had scheduled the appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I had to get that changed. But that was a relatively painless process. We will see what we find out.

I can tell I’m fading fast, though. I have made several calls and started to say I was with Disability Determination Service, who I haven’t worked for in twenty years. So that’s not going so well. We will see what we find out however.

I need to go swap the laundry around then get to work some more. I have a lot of stories to work on! Which I think is good. Job security.

My mood is good right now, but I would feel better if I could get answers to all of my questions today :). GOdspeed to all.

Having Trouble Concentrating

I’m honestly at a loss over what to say today. I can’t seem to concentrate on any one thing for very long. I’m not really sleepy, but I don’t feel alert either. I’m somewhere in between–like I said the other day, it feels like one of the fuses in my head blew and left part of my brain completely empty. Whatever part lends a sense of urgency to everything feels shot. I don’t want to do ANYTHING. And there is a lot that needs doing. And things I used to want to do. But not anymore. It doesn’t feel like depression–I just feel empty.

I go see Tillie Friday and I suppose I will talk this out with her. I need to get my brain in gear so I can work and do all the other things that need doing. I am going to sign off for now. Hope everyone has had a good weekend and has a good start to their week. Godspeed.

In The Clear

So I came out pretty clear on my procedures yesterday. I had a few polyps that were removed and are going to be tested so I am waiting on that news, but the doctor didn’t seem very concerned about them. I had a lot of inflammation in my upper area, so I got an increased prescription of Nexium and am taking that. SO hopefully that will help the throwing up episodes.

I’m back on my meds and feel much better. I heard from my oldest last night, and she goes to the doctor Monday to see if she needs further meds, etc. for her issues. Please continue to pray for her.

I think it’s going to be a slow day today. I need that. I need to catch up on laundry, etc from being gone and then being out of commission yesterday. Bob has gone to change his oil and we’re going out to lunch and then I may go to the grocery store. We will see. Hope everyone else has a good weekend. Godspeed.

Today

So today I go get a colonoscopy and endoscopy. I’m ready to see if my throwing up episodes have a reason or if it’s all just nerves and stress. I am so ready to have this over with.

Please pray for our oldest daughter. I don’t feel comfortable talking about what is going on because I don’t have a lot of details. Just pray.

I did not sleep well last night getting up and down to go to the bathroom. I hope I sleep this afternoon and tonight after all these procedures.

I am so hungry.

That’s all I can think of for today. Sorry no insight or even any sense this morning. I feel like I’ve blown another fuse in my head. Hope everyone has a good weekend.