Archive | February 2021

Church

We went to church in person for the first time in a while. It was so good to be able to go. It’s harder to see everyone now with the restrictions and not being able to stand around and talk to everyone. But it still felt good to go see who we could. Our Sunday school class has abou petered down to nothing–we have four couples show up in person and three on zoom, and everyone else just seems to have drifted away. It’s so sad.

So we are waiting for lunchtime to get here and just resting beforehand. I actually feel like I got all my sleep in last night and don’t feel so sleepy as usual. I may still lie down and take a nap but I doubt it. Got a lot to do still.

Need to go to the grocery store and get a few things. Work more on my thesis. Work up my research note. Work up my book annotation. That will leave the week free for me to work on my story for MCIR. And occasional phone calls for the wedding when needed.

The youngest didn’t buy a car yesterday; she just test drove a good many. Bob has a few other places he wants to take her, so it will be after next weekend before they go again. Bob goes up to Indiana next weekend to help our middle one scout out apartments for her to move to once she graduates. They want her working TWO WEEKS after graduation. Not much time to get moved and settled in. But she’s going to do it and hopefully will be so happy with her job that she won’t have another episode for a while. We will see.

Well, it’s about time to get lunch started. Hope everyone is doing well. Stay safe from the virus. Get the shot. Godspeed.

Welcome!

Welcome to those who are new to the site–I hope you can continue to come here for encouragement and empathy for those of us with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder!

Finished the book by Bette Howland last night–I will be the first to admit that I found it very strange and hard to follow. It wasn’t so much about her journey into the ward and back out of it–Howland hardly ever speaks of herself in the book–as it is about the characters she met while being at W-3. I can’t imagine how she could have written it in today’s litigious culture–she would have had to change so many names and identifying characteristics it would have been a work of fiction more than memoir. I had a very hard time keeping everyone straight in the narrative-who said or did what–so I think that is a fault in the book. But she was great at drawing those word portraits of the people she met there.

I NEED NEED NEED to start working on the ending to the thesis. I have just been so distracted during the day. When I say distracted in this case, I mean tired. But I will try to start tonight and see what I can come up with.

I need to go switch out my contacts. I think this pair is getting expired.

My youngest has a dance competition this morning, and we are going to eat lunch at a hand-pie place close to the venue. I am looking forward to that–they are yummy. But the only time we eat there is when we are coming from a dance competition because the road to it almost impassable–they are “improving ” it with bulldozers, etc. Typical Mississippi road project.

My mood is holding pretty good–I am a tad sleepy but not too bad–I got up at 9 a.m. this morning so I did get my rest in. We are about to leave so I will wind up. Here’s hoping I can get my act together and FINISH this THESIS. Then it’s on to the process essay. I wonder how that will go? Hopefully I will get clarity on what to write about HOW I write. Almost done with the degree so no faltering here. Onward!

Keeping Busy

I am having some interesting things happen with my story or MCIR. It’s still a story even if the interesting things keep happening. But it may be fairly short the way things are going.

I’m going to run some laundry today, and I’m going to try to tackle the ending of my thesis. I should also get edits on the last part I sent in. It’s getting so close to being DONE as a thesis. Probably the defense will give me more points to work on, and I can work on that over the summer. Then query. We will see.

It’s a beautiful day today–sunny and 70’s temps. But they are muttering about rainstorms and such coming in over the weekend. We’re going to buy my youngest a car tomorrow; wish us well. Bob hates car shopping, so it may be quick and easy or not so much depending on what kind of sales guy we get. She doesn’t really know exactly what she wants except she doesn’t want a car like mine. She wants something bigger.

My mood is holding up today. After a slow start yesterday, I actually got more done than I thought I would. I need to try to do the same things today. I’m about to work on lunch and then see if I can get going more on my story. Stay safe from the virus! Get vaccinated!

Running Out of Time

I have too much to do and I am running out of time to do them all and it’s all my own fault. I slept in again today. I sat here from 8 am to 8:30 am trying to think of something to write about, then I went to bed. Now I’m eating lunch and writing. I cannot keep doing this. Too much to do.

We went to our lawyer’s office yesterday–we were redoing our wills. I don’t have much to work with unless Bob precedes me in death, which I don’t think will happen. So mine will be pretty uncomplicated. i put in my will that I wanted to be buried at South Union in Ackerman. Bob said, “You really mean it, hm/? I said I did. He said “Well, then we’ll just be buried separately.” Early in our marriage, Bob’s dad bought us a plot in a new cemetery where he and his wife plan to be buried. Without asking us first. I don’t even know where it is. But I decided that such a thing was my decision, not his. So now it’s all going to be official.

I guess that I need to get going on the laundry and other stuff. I am trying to put together a story on COVID vaccine provisions for the mentally ill in state mental institutions. I wrote yesterday to the Department of Mental health. The fact that I haven’t gotten an answer yet tells me there is no plan to vaccinate those held in state custody at the mental institutions and they are trying to prepare a statement to that effect or institute a plan on the fly. So we will see. Everyone stay safe. Get vaccinated.

And Today is a Sleepy Day

I could not do anything else. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open and type. So back to bed I went.

I did get the story in yesterday! I finally broke through the fear of the blank page and did it. I am glad I had some leeway with the deadline because of the snow and all. Now I need to fill out the financial paperwork for getting paid. So I will do that this afternoon.

We go see our lawyer about restructuring our will for the next little while this afternoon. This meeting has been a year in the making. I finally pinned Bob down on a day so we are going today. I will be carrying the holographic will I did in July of last year for the specific bequests.

Now I need to send in my thesis chapters and work on my research note. I haven’t DONE much more research but I will put something together. I don’t feel as together as I did yesterday. Probably because of the sleepy and the sleeping.

Wedding plans are moving forward. I will see so happy to see them in April. Just about two months away since they are having the wedding celebration in the end of April. They are already married a whole month today.

Talked to Tillie yesterday and she agrees that this whole situation with my middle one’s diagnosis as bipolar has set me back some. I’m having a harder time coping with myself because of it. She said that is all to be expected since the discovery was so traumatic. All I know to do is to keep praying. I don’t feel vaguely suicidal anymore so that is good.

I guess I need to get to work. So much to do. Hope everyone is having a good day today. Stay safe of the virus.

Getting Things Done

I am nailing down doing the story on the community hero TODAY and turning it in. I need to get this project done. Then I can worry more about thesis, etc. I just fiddled the day away yesterday. I got nailed down what thesis chapters are going out this week and next. But that and getting my daughter her license are about all I contributed yesterday. So we will see what we can get done today.

I will need to work on the epilogue to my thesis this week–it’s come time to get that ready. I’m glad I’ve already gone ahead and been thinking about it. I’m pretty sure I know exactly w hat I’m going to say and limit it to two pages. Then I’ll start formatting and doing my process essay. This is not going to be easy. I’ve been writing so long that I feel like I don’t have a process beyond procrastinating to the last minute and banging a story out. And it is so affected by my bipolar, too–I wrote the thesis draft in one month in May last year when I was manic. Etc.

Debbie liked the idea on seeing whether state facilities were vaccinating mental patients in their care, so I will start pushing ahead on that ONCE I FINISH THIS OTHER ONE. And not before. I need to finish what I’ve already contracted for. Candy and Christy are coming today, and then I go see Tillie. And I have to change the appointment about our will –I stupidly scheduled ti when I need to be picking my youngest up from school. Unless I check her out early and leave her at home while we meet. I’ll ask Bob about that.

I guess I can wind up and get started on the story. Much love to all. Stay safe from the virus.

All-Morning Situation

I sent the morning trying to get my youngest her drivers’ license. We never could find her original application for her permit, which meant we had to leave our appointment and go get the new application notarized. So we had to hunt someone up to do that, and none of the banks opened until a half hour from when we got back to town. So we cooled or heels in a bank parking lot until they opened, got the papers signed, and drove back to the DMV. I explained that we ad an appointment at eight but had to leave to get the paperwork completed. She said, “Well, we will honor your appointment,” and put her next in line to be called. So that was nice. But it was just a mess trying to get everything filled out and nailed down before we went, only to be told that we needed one more thing.

I sat down with Bob last night after supper and talked to him about some of the things that had been bothering me lately, like wanting to isolate, passive suicidal ideation, and oversleeping. I see Tillie tomorrow and will talk to her to see if I just need to see Dr. Bishop to alter my meds. I don’t want to go to the hospital again–there’s no magical solution there. Bob gave me a lot of reassurance. I just need my thinking and my meds straightened out. I worked a lot of my thesis tis weekend and dug up some really messy stuff out of my mind, too, so that stuff was bothering me as well,

I need to work on my thesis some more today and then see if I can finish the story I have assigned, I am also hoping Debie will let me do a story on vaccine rollouts in the state facilities for the mentally ill. So we will see what she thinks.

I guess I will sign off and go eat lunch. Hope everyone is staying safe from the virus and that everyone can get vaccinated as soon as possible. Godspeed.

Just Woke Up

I just woke up and am waiting for church online–we aren’t having Sunday School because our teacher is in Pickwick Lake in way up the corner of northeast Mississippi trying to save his boat from te ice and snow they got up there, much more than we had here. So he is still there,

I had a dream that combined most of my tropes from older dreams–trying to clean out a closet, having to walk to town because I didn’t have a car, and not being included in the band when it went out on the field to march. But there was a new twist this time–someone picked me up from the game in a weird little car and drove me home. In the dream it was a kid my sister went to school with. Very strange.

I think I have something creeping up on me again. I hope I won’t have to go to the hospital. I’m just praying praying praying that I don’t keep slipping. I can’t tell yet if it’s uphill or downhill. I just feel something coming on and I don’t like it.

Take my youngest to get her drivers’ license early tomorrow. It shouldn’t take long. I can have her right back at school. I hope it goes well. Then she can start shopping for a car.

I’m going to keep working on my thesis today; hopefully it won’t be as emotionally draining as yesterday. But if it is, that’s just the nature of the beast. I’ll just keep working.

Godspeed to you all.

Finally Melting

Finally the snow melted enough we could go out and get lunch. It’s supposed to be in the fifties today so hopefully the long nightmare is over here in Mississippi. I hope it makes my middle one feel better, too. My oldest just sent me some pictures of flowers from Micheal’s that she is going to use for bouquets in the wedding–they are beautiful; dark blue roses for hers against her white dress, and pale blue lilies for the bridesmaids so they stand out next to their dark blue dresses. I hope all the planning is as exciting for her as it is for me. It’s so nice to have something to look forward to.

I’m going to start laundry today since the chance of losing power is gone. Bob and mine and my youngest one’s. Then I will go to work on my thesis and on my article on the hometown hero. I feel so much better today than yesterday. Some of it is likely getting my medicine back into my system, but I think most of it is being able to get out in the sunlight and not be so cold. I need to check on my parents and see if they have power yet. I hope so.

Hopefully we can keep up the schedule we have next week–Monday I take my youngest to get her drivers’ license, Tuesday I go see Tillie, and Wednesday we go to the lawyer to get our will updated. A lot to do that needs doing very badly. Then we’ll go out and buy the youngest one a car!

So everything is about to get very busy, I will go work on laundry and see what all I can get done. Have a good day, everybody!

Driving on Ice

Well, Bob got my middle one back up to Starkville yesterday and made it back okay. THe drive was worse than he anticipated so it took him longer both ways. About three hours up and three hours back. I went out on ice for the first time in my life to finally go get my medicine. The highway was fine–all the ice was off of it. But getting out of the driveway and the neighborhood was a bit more complicated. But somebody had to do it and Bob had not offered to do it all the times I mentioned I was out of some of my meds so I suppose it was up to me.

I feel like I’ve been hit over the head with a blanket. I can’t wake up. I don’t want to be up; I don’t want to do anything at all. I want to be left alone. By everybody. I don’t want to talk to anyone; I don’t want ANYTHING AT ALL. Just everyone leave me alone.

My parents still don’t have power or phone. They do have water as far as I can tell. They have heat–my sister found someone with a lot of wood that gave them plenty to carry them through this. So they are cooking on the fireplace. I hope the linemen get to them soon.

Pray that my anxiety will stop spinning me around and that I will get better soon. It’s all chemical form not having my meds for a few days. It will stop soon now that I have them all bak in my system. Godspeed to everyone.