Low Motivation

I am trying to overcome my low motivation levels.  But I’m not sure I’m succeeding.  I need to go to the grocery store and i need to go to the pharmacy for medication.  I have so far gotten dressed and done my makeup in order to go do that.  i need to actually get out of the house though, and that seems to be the sticking point.

I need to work on laundry and have some–I sorted Bob’s socks.  But I need to do his weekly laundry and sort out mine.  ANd I am having so much trouble doing that.  I just want to curl up in the bed and sleep.

It doesn’t feel like depression–it feels like boredom.  i have always hated the house stuff but always did it because it has to be done.  That is not enough motivation any more.  I’m not  even writing much beyond this blog and school assignments because I just don’t feel like it.  I don’t have any good ideas to work on.

ANd I am having a very hard time doing  the weekly school assignments because I just don’t feel like it. I wonder if I’m going to have the motivation to do another three years of this.

I just don’t know what to do.  I suppose I will stop typing first and go run my errands.  Please pray for me.





So Bob has his procedure  this morning and we are waiting for the bus to pick up our youngest one before we leave.  He has had a rough time of it with the chemical prep you have to do with this stuff last night so he doesn’t feel rested or good or anything.  I slept some better but not much.

I’m taking my school reading with me to the appointment and will read while I wait.  Then hopefully have time to do my homework and all after lunch.  I need to write about the reading and the workshop piece for this week.  I hate blowing words on these assignments–500 words is a lot.  This professor used to just require 350 words so I wonder what made her change.

I have had an extraordinarily hard time lately with motivation to do what I need to do lately.  I just want to sleep again.  I don’t know why.  I’m not taking the sedative and the weather has been nicer than usual in January–not nearly so rainy and cold.  But I am just so bored around the house.  i have stuff that needs to be done but I don’t feel like doing it at all.

SO we will see how today goes.  Hopefully everything will be fine for the procedure and nothing will be wrong.  Hope everyone else has a good week.





Had my first one-on-one with my professor today–we talked about the story we workshopped last week and that was good.  WE talked about some things that didn’t come up in workshop and that helped a lot.  I’ll see what I can do revising it a bit.

Bob has a colonoscopy tomorrow and is coming home this afternoon to do the prep for it.  I’m not looking forward to this at all–he’s on a liquid diet and is not happy about that.  But it has to be done.  So that is the way it is.

I should be getting the schedule for the conference I am reading at in March soon so I know when I need to schedule getting there and whatnot.  I know it’s out because another girl in the program mentioned her getting the schedule on Facebook so I should be getting it as well and if not, I’ve asked her to forward it to me on Facebook.  Hopefully she will see my message and send it along.  I’m looking forward to it!

Waiting on Bob to get home.  I’m going to work on laundry today and see if I can get things sorted out for this week.  Tomorrow is going to pretty much be taken up with taking care  of him so that will keep me from getting anything done. 😉

My mood seems to be holding up pretty well.  Wish I wasn’t getting rejected but I’ve come to terms with that as far as it affecting me goes.  It’s just what happens when you’re brave enough to submit stuff.  Some people in the program are too scared to even submit anything.  But you can’t get anywhere that way.

Hope everyone has a good start to their week.  Have a great day!


So I am going to attempt my new makeup routine by myself today and see how it works.  I took a photo last night and changed my profile picture on Facebook so that was kind of fun.

Everyone has chimed in on my story in workshop and it has been a very pleasant experience.  One of the new girls slipped into the trap of acting like i was writing about real people, but every one else concentrated on how good the basic story was and what I could do to make it clearer and cleaner of a narrative.  Even my instructor didn’t suggest a lot of doctoring so that was good.

I am still sending stuff out every day so far.  I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up–I dont’ want to send to too many with fees because I really don’t have that kind of money to play with but I am running out of free outlets as well. And I may not have any more luck than I’ve been having in that I’m not familiar with the outlets I’m sending to so I don’t really know what they want.  I am just hoping that they are captured by what I am doing.  We will see.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!



So I went to a professional makeup artist for a new look.  Amy Head Cosmetics in Ridgeland.  And I got exactly what i was looking for–a simple routine that makes me look like myself but better :).  She showed me contouring and brow lining to match my new hair color and gave me a complete skincare line and all kinds of things.

I spent a LOT doing it but no more makeup that I use at a time, it will be a while before i have to refill anything.  I figure I’ll go once a year for new supplies and an updated look.  So all and all it was a very positive experience.

I went and transferred money to cover my tuition bill finally–with all the staying home I’ve been doing I just finally got to the bank to do it today.  But that is taken care of so that is nice.

I see Jo tomorrow for lunch and am looking forward to that.  WE may go to the new place Café 042 or may go to an old standby, Kismet’s.  Depends on what they’re serving at Café 042–the menu changes every day.  So we will see.

I feel so much better than I have been since i was sick Sunday.  I’m hoping all my chemicals are back on track and I can feel better all the time.  We will see what happens.  Hope everyone has a good start to their weekend!



So I finally made it to my therapy appointment with Tillie. We had a good talk–we talked about my boredom and how I need to get more structure and engagement in my life and how I might do that.  I talked about the different things I was doing and she agreed I seemed to be heading in the right direction.

I slept in this morning but I think I am finally getting over what the stomach bug did to me.  So I feel better than yesterday and hopefully can not do that the rest of today.  I missed Bob on his lunch hour so am a little lonely right now, but I should hear from him between two and three and that will be nice.  Then we have church tonight and will see friends then.

I go to my makeup appointment tomorrow and am expecting not a miracle but something good from it.  Try and add a little polish to how I look.  That is what i am really hoping for.  We will see how I turn out.

Hope everyone has a good rest of the week.  Here’s to at least keeping our new year’s resolutions through February! 🙂



Everyone is commenting good things on my story and commenting on what I already knew were weak points.  SO everything is going well so far. No one has come up and blindsided me or anything, so everyone is behaving well.

I feel so weird reading all this stuff.  Being up for workshop is always a weird experience.  You’ve basically put your soul out for people to inspect.  And they do. Like I said, so far everyone is playing nice with me so it is better than it could be.  I’m looking forward to seeing my professor’s reaction as well.

I wrote up my reading response this morning so I get to take a breather for a while until we get comments and I have to respond to one.  The story was really weird but good, well-written so that was nice.

I just wish I felt better.  I skipped my meds Sunday night and Monday because I wasn’t sure I was going to keep them down so I am kind of off kilter today.  But hopefully I will feel better and see how the day goes.  I need to go to the grocery store, too. I may wind up taking a Xanax for the first time in a long time just to settle my nerves.

I missed my therapy appointment–I completely forgot about it until my counselor called.  I tried to go but traffic was too bad for me to get there in a reasonable time so we set up another appointment for tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a good week.  See you when I feel better.


Late Morning

I have been sick at my stomach all night last night and just now woke up feeling right for the first time in hours.     So I am sipping at watered-down Gatorade and trying to accomplish a little something by typing here.

I am up for workshop this week in class and am a little nervous about that.  But I think it will be nice to see what people say good and instructive to see what they say bad.  That is the attitude I have to take doing this work.

I have the reading for this week but am not sure if I will do it today.  I’m not sure I would type anything coherent,  I am really having to think hard about typing these words.  And I’m not trying to be fancy here at all.

In fact, I think I wil pack it in right here and maybe go back to bed.  I haven’t decided on that part yet.  We will see.  Hope everyone else has a better start to their week.


Not Much To Say

Not much is going on today.  All is quiet on all fronts.  My mom is recovering nicely from her fall three weeks ago, my kids are all fine as far as I know, and we have a lot of plans set for what all we are going to be doing.  Usually when it is all calm like this I spend time waiting for the other shoe to drop. But that free-floating sense of anxiety seems to be gone.  So I am glad   of that.

We’re taking my kids out this Saturday night to celebrate the oldest one getting the job at Disney World after graduation.  It’s going to be nice–we’re going to a fancy steakhouse called Shapley’s.  It’s where we always go for our anniversary every year and we reserve it for very special accomplishments for the kids.

Guess I will get to work doing something useful at some point today.  It’s not like there’s nothing to do in the house.  Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Slow Days

Such slow days I’ve had.  I finally left the house last night to go to church and enjoyed that immensely.  The kids went to school today although it was a delayed start–they didn’t open until 10:15 a.m.  I go get my hair done today so am looking forward to seeing Holly. We will have fun talking while she is working.

I think I am about to get some good news from one of my play submissions. I don’t want to say too much in case it doesn’t work out.  But it will be really good if it does.

The sun is out even though it is still below freezing here. That at least makes it more cheerful.  The snow is almost gone from our yard, what little we had of it left from yesterday.  It should be all gone tomorrow.

I guess I will run get ready for my appointment.  Hope everyone stays warm and waits out the snow.