Good Evening

We went up to Starkville to see our youngest daughter and go out to lunch with her and my mother-in-law. We had a good trip up; Bob and I had a very good conversation about my bipolar disorder where I thanked him for all of his support through the years since my diagnosis. He said he was just glad I was still here and okay. We have certainly been a team in it for much of the time once we finally understood what exactly was going on. I am glad of that.

Next week is going to be busy. I’ve nailed down almost all the October tasks now that the last of the October titles finally landed in the warehouse. So I work on metadata for April then start publicity for November titles. Going to be interesting, and I really need to keep my eyes and mind on the job. I’ve been letting my attention to it wander a bit the past two weeks and need to crack down on that. Work time is work time and that’s where I need to put my attention. I have been very distractible, which is not really like me. But We will see how it goes.

Talked to my mom today after we got back from Starkville, and she said she was still weak from her potassium getting so out of whack. I just said she needed to keep taking care of herself and all. My dad came in after going to a car show with his hot rod and I let her go so she could hear all about it. She had been watching TV all afternoon while he was gone so she is trying to rest at least some. I do worry about her though. And him too. But they are trying to make their appointments and take care of their health. That’s aall I can ask.

I guess that’s it for today. Bob is feeling good tonight so hopefully we can make church tomorrow. Everyone have a good weekend and Godspeed.

Manic Or Not?

I went to lunch with my friend MJ, and she wanted to know all the details about me selling my book, but the longer I talked, the more worried she looked. About halfway through our visit, she said I needed to watch out for mania–that i was sounding a little too high. I told her I was on the watch for that, and so was Bob, and that my therapist had scheduled me to see her again in two weeks instead of the usual month to keep an eye on any manic symptoms I might develop. She said good, but didn’t look reassured.

I’ll admit the comment was a bit of a downer. But I am being careful. She said she had seen too many people in recovery get to feeling good and deciding that they no longer needed their meds, etc. I told her I was most definitely not going to do that after the incident with my colonoscopy last year. And that’s a fact.

That’s really another reason I have kept up with this blog so long–it helps me chart patterns in my moods that I might not can see while I am moving through them, but I can go back and see warning signs of any kind of mood state and catalogue them for later.

I know I’m not always going to keep this feeling of doing well. I’m going to have episodes of depression again someday. The disease is not going anywhere. And it doesn’t matter what my circumstances are when it happens–If my biochemistry gets off, I am going to go downhill. I need people who will tell me if I am teetering.

I remember being absolutely convinced at the start of last year that I WAS NOT MANIC. But I was. I am trying not to make big plans are think big things. But I know some things need to be set in motion now so they can happen later. That’s what I’m working on. And being careful is part of that–I don’t want to overschedule myself; I don’t want to make demands on myself that I may not can meet this time next year. I am glad to have people around me who do care. I am blessed with that.

So we will see. I go see Tillie next week and see how things are going. I also have a dentist’s appointment and may have a hair appointment. We will see. For now, I plan to enjoy the weekend and continue to rest. Hope everyone has had a good day.

Possibilities?

Yesterday I had a friend reach out to me about putting me into contact with a local TV news reporter doing a story about the mental health situation in Mississippi. I agreed that she could send along my contact information.

So.

Please pray that this opportunity pans out for me to tell my bipolar story to more people. Thank you.

Wondering Again

about the utility of continuing to post here every day. Smooth sailing again today. And I’m not really good at writing the prescriptive articles that every other bipolar blog seems to like to post–I so rarely have anything like a “final word” on what a person needs to do to help themselves the most other than stay in treatment, whatever that looks like for a person.

Maybe it’s just finally time to end things here, almost exactly nine years after I started.

Anyone want to make a case for me continuing? Please let me know. I am truly torn and looking for guidance.

Work Today

I spent the whole day behind and running to catch up, but we had a lovely interlude at the office where we celebrated one of our co-workers getting married next week with a surprise shower. She got a lot of gifts and we all just had a fun time of fellowship. Didn’t get much work done, but we all had a good time.

Staying busy with other things as well–I’m about to sign off and start dinner. Neither Bob or I slept well last night–he was badly congested and woke me up several times, so I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. Worked from home during the morning because they said there was a seven-mile backup on I-55 North, and I did not want to get caught up in that business.

Good mood. I find it hard to believe that I have been so blessed recently. I am doing my best to not wait for the other shoe to drop. I don’t want Sata to steal my joy and peace. Things are going well with my kids, things are going well with me and Bob, I just feel amazing right now. Of course, that means we’re watching out for mania, too. But we with handle what comes. For now, it’s all good.

Sleepy

Sigh. We got to church, and I fell asleep during the sermon. The new lead pastor was preaching his heart out, and I still fell asleep. I don’t know if I didn’t sleep well or not. I’ve checked my CPAP numbers and they were normal. I feel better now after another Coke at lunch.

I hope this isn’t just the usual fall slump. I was so hoping to avoid that this year. I’m already still behind from being out for my surgery. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I go back into that super-sleepy-can’t-function mode. Hopefully it was a one-off from staying up a bit late to watch the game last night.

My youngest has headed back to school for another little while. Mu middle one is supposed to come across this weekend and go to the ballgame so we will see her and the youngest next week when we run up to visit them. We’re playing Alabama, so it’s more or less a forgone conclusion that we’re going to lose. The question is by how much :). Oh, the life of a Mississippi State fan.

I have to go and do some writing stuff this afternoon so I am about to be busy the rest of the day. Godspeed to all.

Anjou

So Bob and I went out to the French restaurant Anjou to cap off my birthday celebrations. I ordered a lovely pork chop and he got citrus chicken. Then for dessert he got a chocolate brownie with praline sauce and vanilla ice cream and I got an apple tart that was absolutely scrumptious. My youngest went to see her old high school band perform at a band contest and enjoyed that.

Been a busy day with errands. Bob slept in until almost lunchtime and we went back to the new sandwich shop so my youngest could try them out. It’s been fun having her around.

Not sure all we are going to do tomorrow. Our youngest goes back to school tomorrow for classes after lunch. Then it’s back to work Monday!

It’s so good to have days where you almost forget you have bipolar disorder.

Birthday #53

Lovely day! Got to relive the whole of last week with Tiliie and that was fun! I have been with her so long and had so many existential crises in her office about my identity and my place in the world and what I wanted out of life but couldn’t seem to get, and to finally be able to say, “I DID IT!” and celebrate with her was just an amazing feeling.

Went to lunch with my mother-in-law at Half Shell Oyster House and tried dishes I had never had there before and that was wonderful.

My youngest came home this weekend and we’ve had a good visit so far. She went to the high school football game tonight with her boyfriend and they should be home soon. She’ll go back Sunday afternoon.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. God bless!

Birthday Eve!

So this particular birthday Bob has ordered several things from Amazon for my gifts and they are all coming in separate packages on separate days. I got Ghiardelli hot cocoa yesterday, and today it was a set of three cute backscratchers with extendable rods to reach everywhere my back itches! (I have one particularly itchy spot on my right shoulder blade! Every day!) He says I have one more on the way from him and one coming from my youngest daughter, too. (My oldest said that her visiting with my grandson was my present for this year.)

Tomorrow I am going to relax and goof off. I see Tillie at 11 am and then go out to eat with my mother-in-law at lunch at about 12:15 p.m. Then I have a phone call I’m going to make when I get home from that. So we will see how things go.

I can’t think of anything that I want for the world on my birthday but for everyone in the world to feel as at ease in their own skin as I feel right now. I wouldn’t wish bipolar disorder on my worst enemy. But I’ve come to find I don’t even have enemies anymore–my worst critic was always myself, hands down. And God has finally stilled even that voice. Life is good in this season. And I am glad and at peace.

Better

I did get sick last night right after I took my meds. So I lay awake most of the night since I didn’t have any meds in me. So I am glad I had already scheduled to work from home today. I have kept breakfast down so I will get my meds once I get done posting.

My oldest and my grandson go home today; it’s been good to spend some time with them. We plan to go down there the week after Christmas so that will be good. I will be off since my office closes for that whole week, and Bob’s office is supposed to be closed that week as well for the first time ever.

I see Tillie and will get to tell her my big news Friday on my birthday! And my mother-in-law takes me out to lunch that day, and Bob takes me out for supper Saturday. Fun!

I need to get ready for work so I will run. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!