I need to find a way to conserve my energy. I got so much done yesterday that I ached at the end of he day and went to bed early, then slept in this morning. So I don’t know what I’ll be able to do today. I need to finish the last tree and pack up all the boxes. And I need to do Bob’s laundry. Those are the main things I need to accomplish today. So we will see how much I can do.
Last night I apologized to Bob for putting him through the wringer two weeks ago. I told him I should not have done what I did and I was sorry for hurting him. I told him I just needed to know he cared about how I was doing and hear that I was doing good for him.
My mood has actually been pretty good lately. Thanksgiving went well to me and all and I am excited about hosting the Christmas party this year. Hopefully we will have a good crowd. I’m not stressing out over anything that I can tell. My class is well in hand with my final project being the only thing left to do from that standpoint. I have one more homework discussion and it will be due next week. So I feel confident there.
I feel good and awake this morning. I emptied one of the big boxes of ornaments this morning and am trying to decide whether or not to refill it with the individual boxes or go ahead and start on the next box and hang them all up. It’s not like there’s not plenty to do around here now that I have the energy. I just need to decide.
Listening to a mix of Christmas music. Mostly from the pop era–Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, etc. Cool stuff. My middle daughter likes ot play the soundtrack to “Hamilton” when she studies and I got one of the songs stuck in my head this morning so am trying to drive it out with the Christmas usic.
I think first thing I will see what is going on in my classes then get going on the tree again. It feels so good to have some energy again!
We’re having hot, windy weather. Hopefully it won’t scare up a tornado. But it certainly feels like one outside.
Winding down to the end of the term for me. I have two weekly assignments left and the final big project, which I have pretty much finished. So that has been interesting. We read what was basically an obituary this week, but it was written like a mystery story because it followed the legal procedure of finding out who the dead man was, who his next of kin was, etc.
Listening to Elvis Presley’s Christmas music. I’ll be putting up decorations today after I finish this and eat lunch. Hope to finish today and that means there will be minimal fuss taking it all down. That is my hope, at least.
So we’re back home. We did have a good time at Thanksgiving and managed not to eat too much for our bellies. But it was all so delicious.
I’m working on my school stuff and so is my middle one–she still has to get caught up on her schoolwork from being out for a week and do the additional assignments everyone gave her to do over Thanksgiving So she is having a bit of a hard time.
Got to see my oldest daughter over Thanksgiving and that was good, too. She is doing well in classes except her last humanities class of her career–Philosophy. So she looking forward to the end of it.
I made it fine. I realized my oldest is even more bothered by her aunt than I am.
I’m going to take Thanksgiving Day off from the blog and maybe Friday too. I will be without access so that is the way it will go. I’m woefully behind getting ready so I will not be here long. To everyone I say: be thankful. Be kind. Be good, Show the love of Jesus to everyone you come across. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I talked to my therapist about last Tuesday night. She suggested I model the behavior I wanted. If I want affirmation, I need to give it as well. I know he’s going through a lot with his dad being sick and in denial about it. But I don’t know how to talk to him about it if he won’t open up to me.
I wrote a scary little bit where I told my peers about what went down in 2011 with me and Bob over the salesman. I wonder what their reaction will be. I need to start collecting responses so I know how to refine it if I’m going to write it all and put it in a book.
I need to start cooking cookies but I’m just not feeling it right now. I don’t know why. But I need to get on it or be prepared to rush doing it tomorrow. WE will see how it goes this afternoon and tomorrow.
We are getting ready for Thanksgiving. I will do some cooking tomorrow and the girls will be going to a mission to hand out Thanksgiving meals. Today we go meet Bob for lunch and will enjoy that.
I’m not sure what all I need to write. I seem to be on the upswing from the depression. I go to see my counselor tomorrow and will hopefully get a lot out of that. I did my homework so have to remember to take my computer. I wrote a letter from my fourteen-year-old self to my adult self. SO we will see how that turns out.
I’m still struggling with the issues me and Bob talked about. I’m praying for contentment with my life but it feels so elusive. I wouldn’t have been given the ability to do what I do without God wanting to use it somehow. Maybe I just need to wait on it all until Rachel is older. I’m doing the best I can with that concept but I just can’t resign myself to it.
I am waiting for my tutoring student who has not shown up yet. She also has not emailed me her paper like she was supposed to.. I think I will need to talk to the mom and see what is going on. i’m going to stay here for a while and then call and see if she is planning on coming, Otherwise I will leave if I can’t reach her.
I don’t have anything else planned for today so we will see what happens. I don’t want to spend the day in bed again. I will probably do some laundry once I get home and see how that works.
We are try8ig to prepare for Thanksgiving and get our plans in place for that. Let the kids stay busy and us get ready to travel. I don’t know what all we’re going to wind up buying for Christmas for the girls. We have a few plans in mind but not many, We will just have to look around and see what we can find. WE have some presents bought but not nearly enough.
I feel pretty good this morning. The only thing is that my black pants all disappeared on me today, I couldn’t find the ones that I usually wear with the top.I wanted to wear. SO I may go out shopping for some of those or I may just ask for some for Christmas. I can’t decide. If I don’t do any more tutoring, I won’t have a reason to dress up very often and can make it until Christmas with what I have. Sigh.
It’s been a slog of a day. I went Christmas shopping and grocery shopping and did well, but I fell asleep after I got back listening to the soundtrack for.”Ocean’s 11″. I also dropped off my Wyatt Waters pictures to be framed and am looking forward to hanging them in my foyer.
Bob and I seem to be recovered from our argument the other day. I’m feeling better about things but am interested in seeing what my counselor says next week on what to do if he backslides again. I don’t think I’m asking too much to get affirmation for what all I do. If he wants me to be happy just being a wife and mom (which is what he said during our discussion) he needs to make it easier for me to feel good having made the sacrifice for the kids.
I don’t think I’m being selfish categorizing it as a sacrifice. I never wanted to quit working, I didn’t want to work a job I hated and paying daycare when I could do something I loved. And losing that was so hard on me. I still don’t think he understands that.
I almost made a huge mistake last night. Bob came in and I was packing my suitcases ready to leave. He finally noticed and asked what was I doing, and I told him I was leaving. He went into shock. But we managed to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. I told him I was tired of being treated like dirt under his feet. We had already had this talk once, and I told him that had been his warning. He said he thought he had been doing better. I said no. He finally acknowledged a few things he had been holding back on for a long time, and I just told him I was tired of being taken for granted all the time. That I felt sick at the thought of leaving him but that I felt like he was giving me no choice.
SO I cried a lot and woke up last night at 1:30 with a terrible sinus headache. I finally got up and took something for it but did not sleep well. SO I still feel terrible this morning. I’m praying that we can both work out what is bothering us. I’m trying to figure out of if I need to go to my counselor quicker than I have scheduled. I’m supposed to see her next week. I think I will just go get a massage and try to de-stress that way first and see if I feel any better.