Struggling

I am having a hard time with our lax church attendance. I miss it. But it’s very hard to go to church Sunday after Sunday without your husband and child. And knowing we’re about to change pastors is a big deal for me too. Not that I don’t like the new one coming in. But it’s going to be strange, and the arrangement is going to be different, and I am just kind of lost as for what to do in my mind. Bob is not going to want to move churches, but he so rarely goes right now that I feel like I would be within my rights to go somewhere else without him. But going somewhere else without him would be harder in some ways because no one would understand why and I would not have the rapport with a new church family that I have with my current ones.

All this to say that we didn’t go to church today.

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Good Morning

So I decided to have a treat this morning and drank a Coke leftover from the holiday eating. It was good but didn’t spark craving for more, etc. I may just do this for a while and have one as a treat on Saturdays just so that when I am craving one I can say to myself, I can have one on Saturday morning. Just trick myself a bit, because I do crave them still right now. Just a thought.

We are going to have a slow day today. Ging out for lunch and just hang around the house. I might clean up some around the house from the decorating and do some laundry this afternoon. But everything looks very, very nice where the kids did the decorating and I am pleased.

I woke up this morning feeling really nice. Just easy in my mind and not stressed or anything. I need to start on Christmas cards if I am going to do any and soon start wrapping presents for Christmas. But December is still a few days away so I may wait until next weekend. Or I may just go ahead to get a jump on things. I am glad I kind of have the flexibility to think about when I want to do it and not having to rush around and do it all.

I had another piece accepted by the national NAMI Blog. It won’t publish until June and the other one publishes in April. But it feels good to still be writing to create awareness and get the word out about my experiences to where it can help more people. I got a Facebook message the other day from a girl in a mental hospital in Glasgow Scotland who had found one of my BPHope blog pieces on going to university who had had to drop out of her MFA acting program because her bipolar had flared up. I tried to encourage her because she was asking how I managed to do school while bipolar. That’s the kind of thing that keeps me writing–the hope that I can help and encourage.

Godspeed to all.

Hoo Boy

I know, I know. I didn’t post yesterday. Busy, busy day. We went over to my mother-in-law’s, then to my mom’s, the came home exhausted and watched the Egg Bowl after listening to it in the car. Then we all went to bed.

So I was booked up.

We had a pretty good Thanksgiving. We missed my father-in-law, but Bob’s sister didn’t even get to come over–her husband had a high fever and she didn’t want to expose anyone to whatever he had. So we ate and talked and sent a food tray of Thanksgiving food to her house after one of her boys came to get it. Then we went up to my mom’s and my middle one’s boyfriend really, really tried to be social but had a lot of trouble. My dad was in a good mood and didn’t let it get to him, for which I was thankful.

Then the game was wild and wooly with truly bad officiating affecting both sides. I don’t know what the SEC gains by legislating outcomes with officiating rulings. Nothing was on the line with our game except our own pride–we weren’t playing for the SEC West championship or anything. But both coaches had complained about officiating during our respective Alabama games, so they decided to SHOW us what bad officiating looked like. SO.

We are going to try to put up Christmas trees today. At least get them up and work at decorating them over the weekend. So Rachel’s boyfriend is coming over to help and spend some time with us. We’ll feed him lunch and dinner and watch the Brandon game with him. too. So we’re making a day of it.

Well, we need to do some work before he gets here so I need to run. I haven’t had a Coke all week; I’m so proud of myself. I am winning the battle with myself. Godspeed to all.

Whew

Worked until 2 p.m. today and am now off for Thanksgiving. I doubt I get much of a rest though. Things are shaping up to be very busy. My middle one and her boyfriend are coming in tonight, and we go to my mother-in-law’s tomorrow morning then to my mom’s tomorrow afternoon. Then decorating, etc. on Friday. At least I may have some extra help doing that this year. That will be nice.

I am SO HUNGRY. I got a snack and will wait for dinner later. I’m not sure what we’ll be doing for dinner because we don’t know when my middle one is getting here. Bob came home early and we will see what happens when they get here.

Tomorrow night we get to start playing Christmas music at home–I am looking forward to that. Our local pop station has been playing it since October, but they have a weird affinity for WHAM!S “Last Christmas” and I HATE that song. So I haven’t been listening in the car. So much fun.

I’m just praying I won’t get manic this Christmas. It’s just a chicken-and-egg problems–does being busy cause mania, or am I manic and therefore busier? I just don’t want it to happen this year, whichever it is.

Well, that’s all for today. We will be celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow and I’m not sure if I will blog or not. Hope everyone has a happy holidays!

Roofing

They are still banging away on the roof with hammers, and everyone is marveling at how I can get any work done with the racket. I tell them that my home growing up was pretty much under construction all my life and I’m used to it. They still sound astounded. I also used to work in a house with three small children. Noise just doesn’t distract me at all. Anyway.

Tomorrow will be interesting–I have been invited to do a focus group on renaming my MFA school, Mississippi University for Women. It is co-educational, and leadership wants to change the name of the school to reflect that. The school is still 80% female enrollment and is also the smallest university in the state. They want to grow their guy enrollment so where they can survive in the higher-education environment. So I get to have a small part in that through this focus group and that makes me feel good. We will see how it turns out. Although I do question the wisdom of holding a zoom focus group meeting the day before Thanksgiving.

It’s been a good day today. I slept a little late since I didn’t have to go in and could work at home. Bob finally woke me up by telling me the roofers were here, so I got up and got dressed quickly 🙂 But I got a good bit done until I just played out at the end of the day. I have things to work on tomorrrow and will pick up again on Monday and see how things go.

My youngest is over with her boyfriend doing a Thanksgiving meal with his family. She and the middle one and her boyfriend will be home for Thanksgiving to eat with my mother-in-law and Bob’s sister and her family, then we will troop upstate and eat with my folks. We will see how it all goes. It is different, but different doesn’t have to be bad. It’s all in how you take it.

I got notification that my essay on advocacy has been picked up by NAMI National Blog for their June emphasis. I already have one coming out in April, too. So that is good. I hope I get to do more writing once the holidays get here. Maybe start on my new novel idea. We will see.

Hope everyone is able to celebrate this week with the US holiday and get in gear for Christmas. I need to start wrapping and preparing. It’s going to be fun this year, I think. Love to all.

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Working From Home

Found out my boss was taking off the next two days and asked to work from home since we have roofers ripping off and replacing the shingles in the next few days. And he agreed! So I am just going to stay in out of the cold and have a good week! I won’t work Thursday as the Press is closed for Thanksgiving then. So that will be good.

My adjusting to the CPAP is still going well. I didn’t take it off that I know of in my sleep so that is good. The main problem is that sometimes my nose itches UNCONTROLLABLLY and I have to move the mask to scratch it or I will lose my mind. But it’s only happening a few times a night so that is good. I am really sleeping well with it on. So far it is a success.

Soon going to have to start wrapping presents and shipping them down to Florida for my oldest and her family. We will see how it goes. I hope out grandson likes his presents. I hope the big folks like theirs, too. We will see. I wish they could come up, but I don’t see that for the foreseeable future. We are going down around New Year’s and will spend time with them then. I’m looking forward to that.

I’m just glad we aren’t traveling much for Thanksgiving, just up to my mom’s for the night. I remember spending a week at deer camp when the kids were younger. Very complicated. But now we will see how it goes being around home. The only reason deer camp was convenient is that it was only 30 minutes from my parents so we could see them, too. But it is sad why wewont’ be able to do it. I just hope Bob can keep his spirits up this year. It’s going to be hard for him, I think.

I haven’t had any Coke today and feel pretty good sleepy- and concentration-wise. I WANT a Coke, but I know it’s not helping me anymore now that I am used to the CPAP and it is doing me so much good. I just like having one. But I’ve got to stop for my health or a fatty liver will be the least of my problems. Reminds me, I need to reschedule my GP appointment since he has changed offices again. I need to run do that. Hope everyone has a good day.

Worry

I am starting to really worry about Bob. He is not recovering well from being outside in the cold. I used to think he got sick from Thanksgiving to February because he was trying to deer hunt. But he’s not doing that this year–he’s just out in the cold at times and his lungs can’t seem to handle it. He coughs and coughs and coughs. His primary doctor has said he can no longer prescribe the good cough medicines because of the concerns over opioid addictions, so he says just take Nyquil every night so he can sleep. Well, it doesn’t seem to matter whether he takes it or not–whenever he gets hit by cold air he gets to coughing and can’t stop. He skipped church this morning and is just going to take Nyquil all day so maybe he can get it under control and stop getting light-headed and sick to his stomach from coughing so hard.

I went to church and it was good. Brother David preached about keeping your peace during the holidays, and it was quoting out of Philippians and John 16, two of my favorite areas of Scripture. So that was very uplifting and encouraging. As always, the trouble lies with the implementation. I need God to take control of my eating. I weighed this morning and have gained six pounds. I do not know what to do. I am cutting carbs down so many places, and now that I am sleeping good I’m not drinking Cokes. I just don’t know what else to do.

So I need to go out and forage for food that is soft enough for Bob to eat today. I didn’t buy soft enough stuff for cooking. Hope everyone is having a good start to the week. Godspeed.

Kicking Around

I am waiting on Bob to wake up so we can do some running around together. He had a rough night–he coughed so much that even the Nyquil he took couldn’t stop it. It was really kind of scary to hear him. So I am just killing time until he can get moving.

My youngest has gone to spend some more time with her grandmothers–she spends today and tomorrow with Bob’s mom and then goes to see my mom until Tuesday. So hopefully she will have a good time.

I had a pretty good night but I just feel ill at ease today. Something is not quite right, and I haven’t figured out what it is. I’ve taken my meds and hope I start feeling better after that. I’m not sleepy, and I don’t want to get up and pace around. I’m pretty caught up on laundry and have just to buy some breakfast things today as far as grocery shopping goes. But I just feel off. And I can’t put my finger on what the off feeling is exactly.

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Busy Day

As are all Fridays nowadays. 🙂 I go get my hair cut this morning then go see Tillie. I was going to eat lunch with Mary Jane, but she cancelled last night because she is so tired from her rounds of traveling lately. I told her I understood. So we will get together sometime after Thanksgiving.

I had a pretty good night’s sleep except my nose kept itching! And it’s no easy feat to scratch your nose with a CPAP on! You have to lie there and think about how you’re going to get your mask off and scratch it, all the while the itching is getting worse and worse. I tried to mind-over-matter it at first but just couldn’t wait the itch out. So that was interesting.

Yesterday was a good working day–I got a lot done and have us in good shape leading up to Thanksgiving. I start in on my new task Monday and hope to knock it out in a couple of days so then I can clean up some miscellaneous stuff on Wednesday before the holiday. I love how I can make plans now. Used to it was just, “Okay, here’s what I think I can do today” with no thought of what I might could do with several good days in a row.

I am starting to feel like a normal person now and not a person disabled by bipolar disorder. Usually I have rejected that label publicly but for several years there, it was truly the case for me–there was no way I could work. But now I’m managing a strong part-time job and doing some good for my employers. So I think that is a huge step forward.

Today I am rocking out to Harry Connick Jr and feel like I could conquer the world–at least my little part of it. Go forth and Godspeed.

I’m Up!

i actually woke up before the alarm went off this morning! I stayed in the bed until it did go off, but I feel amazing! No grogginess, no sleepiness, just rested! This machine could change my whole life.

So today should be an uncomplicated day–I finish up the last review copy address list for January and start constructing news releases for January. Then next week I do my new tasks I was trained on yesterday and see how far I can get into it before I need to do something else. I think once I get a lot of this taken care of I will be trained on the next task that is so behind. But we will see how that goes–it’s a “future Julie” problem, as the kids say. 🙂

I am enjoying playing around with Mastodon. It really is amazing seeing the growth of the forums–a lot of people are migrating there from Twitter. I’m not finding everyone I knew on Twitter there, but there are some and a bunch more new people I am learning about so that is good.

We will see how the bipolar behaves now that I am getting solid sleep. I’m betting what I will have to watch out for is mania first. But it will also make it easier to separate the depression-sleep patterns out from the apnea-sleep patterns. So we will see how this goes.

I guess that is all for me this morning. I will go get ready to work from home today and set up some good music to listen to on the CD player. I know that’s old technology, but it’s still good for listening to exactly what I want to listen to when I want to listen to it. So I’m a’keeping my CD players and CD’s until you pry them away from my fingers. Hope everyone is doing well heading into the weekend. Godspeed to all.