Visiting

We are heading up to Starkville to see out middle one. Our youngest is going to a church event that lasts until the night so we are doing this to occupy our time and reassure me that she is okay.

SLept in this morning so don’t have much time to talk. I am doing well this morning–sleepy but more or less awake. I started on my research journal for thesis last night and need to be doing so many other things too. I just have sucky motivation.

One of these days things will be all right. . .Not sure when, but someday. That’s the promise the Bible gives. I used to have a little book called The Promises of God. I need to hunt that back up and r.

ead it again. Just to remind myself of how he fulfills his promises.

Well, I need to get rolling. Talk to all you lovely people later on. Have a good weekend

Dreams

I’ve been having two types of dreams lately–One where I am packing to go somewhere, and another where I am having to clean something. The last packing one was I was packing up an apartment of stuff to move back to my parents’ house. What happens in all these dreams is I keep finding more stuff to pack, so I never get finished. The last cleaning one was last night. I was in band just like in high school, and we pulled up a bus to my in-law’s deer camp. The director, Mr. L. P. Bassett, told me to go into the trailer and get it completely cleaned up before I could go home. so I am scrubbing away, and other band members come in and keep messing it up like throwing gum on the floor and such.

Both dreams are very frustrating. I am doing my best but just getting overwhelmed. And someone, like my mom or last night, the band director, keeps after me to finish although the task gets more and more complicated.

I think I know the meaning of the dreams–that I am overwhelmed in my real life and can’t get past doing everything that I should be doing. I have that feeling today. I guess I wil move on and get started. Hope everyone is going well and staying safe from the virus, Godspeed.

Burst of Energy

I went to it on my thesis yesterday–revising the first four essays and chopping one out near the end altogether. It was good work, but just didn’t fit anywhere in the narrative. So far I’ve shopped it down six pages and want to cut seven more. I know there’s places where there’s repetition so I will certainly cut those. My goal is to tighten, sharpen and brighten that entire piece into something you just can’t put down. We will see how that goes.

My middle one is already having to give up her dog. He’s wanting to play so he nips at her, which the last one did too, and it sends her in to a panic attack as if he’d actually bitten her. She said yesterday he was so bad about it and she didn’t know if she could take another day of the behavior. So she took him to a shelter this morning. I so hate it for her; she was looking so forward to having a furbaby,

My oldest one had her first day back at Disney and she was really enjoying it last night. She said some things had changed, but she was altogether looking forward to getting back into the mix of it all. I am so proud of her.

I guess I will go back to serious work. I need to write my research log and talk about how it’s all going so far. You people take care of yourselves. Godspeed.

Thesis Syllabus

SO I drew up my thesis syllabus for the semester. It’s going to be fun! I’m turning in research logs every week as I revise. I have to write a process paper as to how I put it all together, and I have to format it correctly for binding.

I’m going to have four copies bound–two for school, one for me, and another one for Mike BD and send it to him. I caught up with him a long time ago and we’ve been emailing ever since. I think I’m going to dedicate it to him and Thomas Price Caldwell, my other creative writing professor. He was one of the first ones to believe in my work, as was Mike. Dr. Caldwell died a few years ago and I so regret that he’s not alive to see this.

Bob went to work today finally. He says he still doesn’t feel 100% but he felt all right enough to do a desk job, so he is doing that. We’re going to go see my middle daughter this weekend on Saturday and visit, take her out to lunch. I hope it goes well. My oldest should be completing her new level of training for her new location in Disney World this week.

Well, I need to go and see Tillie soon. Hope everyone is doing well and staying safe. Be careful out there.

Being Lazy

I went back to sleep after dropping my youngest one off even though Bob was still home with his stomach upset. He feels badly nauseated right now and is sitting still to try to counteract it. He went back to sleep too after he decided he couldn’t go back to work today. So I don’t feel too bad.

I am still feeling much better–I have work to catch up on–just don’t feel like doing it yet. I want to watch the devotional I missed while taking the youngest to school, so I am going to do that likely while I eat lunch. Candy isn’t coming today with Bob feeling so bad. They’re going to try for THursday if he gets to feeling better.

I see Tillie tomorrow morning and will see how it all is going. I feel pretty good right now even with everything going on. I have just tried to let go of what I can’t do anything about. That’s all. That’s all I can do to get better.

I need to order a couple of books to read this semester and journal them as well as my “process” so I can write my “process essay” for my formal thesis document. That’s going to be interesting to do because I don’t really have a process. I just write. I also need to write my essay for BPHope for February. I wanted to write about my middle one, but they said I couldn’t because she is an adult and would have to sign a release. I don’t think I need to ask her that right now. So I’m not. But I think it will become the epilogue to the thesis.

Well, I hope everyone is staying safe from the virus. Stay warm through this cold January. Godspeed.

Catching

So now Bob is having stomach problems. He went to work on time and everything then came back saying he was having an upset stomach too. So that is no fun at all. I hope he doesn’t get to feeling as bad as I did.

We have snow! Woke up early this morning and saw everything covered up! Mom said it’s probably a good three inches deep on their patio. Their Great Dane went out in it to play and either got cold or decided it wasn’t as much fun as it looked and he came back to the porch. I wonder if my middle child will let her new dog out to play for a minute in it. My middle one does NOT like cold weather.

I start thesis today with a zoom call with my advisor. She wants me to set goals for myself the coming year as regards this manuscript. She noted a few items to work on in new material I had written but very few. So I’m not sure what I want to do.

I’m feeling better in my head today. Bob was so good to me while I was sick. So I think I can put those worries down for a while. Our church is starting 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting. I’m not going to fast just coming off of a stomach bug but I am going to keep up with the daily devotions the pastor is doing early in the morning. So that will be good for me, I think.

Thanks to all of you who read and help me keep up with everything going on in my head. I appreciate your friendship even if only online. Stay safe. Get vaccinated. Godspeed.

Recovering

I didn’t get sick yesterday but I was on a pretty much full liquid diet. I’m starting off again that way this morning with tea because I have no appetite whatsoever. So that is the way I am feeling right now.

I’m up for church and that’s about all. I woke up late but I will be able to watch that once I get through here. I’m a little fuzzy-headed so I’m not sure what all I have to say. I’m just glad I was able to keep down my medication yesterday.

I start school tomorrow and hope I can be awake and aware for it. I’m probably going to sleep some more today to try to feel better. I’ll go take my meds and get ready to watch church. Godspeed.

Sick as a Dog

I got good and sick after lunch yesterday–throwing up and the like. I stayed sick until last night when I threw up for the last time at 10:15. I hated every second of it. My stomach was in knots all day until I finally fell asleep then. And I woke up on and off but I never threw up again. We don’t know if I got a bug or I’ve been stuffing down too much mentally and my body rebelled. So I am going to try to clean up my attitude and thinking and try to avoid that again.

Got the bad news this morning that one of my fellow MFA students just died of aggressive pancreatic cancer–so aggressive that he posted about it for the first time 1/1/21 and died last night of multiple organ failure. Tom was a great guy–very humble about his talent. He gave great feedback on work and generally kept us laughing during whatever class we were in with him. So sad.

I’m going to try to stay still today and tomorrow so I can start thesis feeling all better. We will see how that goes. I start again on Monday. I need to send in my tuition and what not. But I will cope with all that on Monday

I guess I will go lie down some more and drink water in careful sips. I don’t want a repeat of yesterday.

News That Makes It All Worth It

My oldest is about to restart for Disneyworld on Sunday!!! She’ll be assigned at Epcot. So she is excited and so are we. She thinks depending on when her days off are she might still keep going with Sea World to get extra money against whatever craziness happens next. I think that’s smart.

Otherwise things are still on the same track here. I’m less worried about her with this news. My middle one got her dog yesterday so she is excited about that. I hope this one works out for her. My youngest is still in school so that is good. I start school next week and hopefully can get a lot done on my revisions and fix whatever needs fixing.

I can’t begin to tell you how low I was feeling before we got that good news. I was musing about going off-grid in some double-wide trailer somewhere out in the country and just becoming a hermit. I felt so lost and useless. Hopefully with this bit of hope I can get myself back on track to rebuilding myself again.

Hope all of you are doing well. Get vaccinated. Hang in there. Godspeed.

Old Ways

Looks like I am going back to my old ways. I get up, take my youngest to school, come back and sleep until Bob calls at 10 am. Try to work from then until I pick up my youngest, then sleep again until time to cook dinner. My brain is empty right now. Hopefully I can wake it up next week when I start class.

My middle one did get her dog–she sent Bob a picture last night; he is still wearing the cone from where the shelter had him neutered. I hope it makes her as happy as she can be and can be a comfort to her.

I am astounded at what went on at the Capitol yesterday. I hope the people who broke into the Capitol are arrested and punished appropriately. But we should have seen this coming when no one wanted to do anything about the riots in June and going forward. It emboldened them to think they could do anything they wanted. I remember back several years ago when protesters took control of the Wisconsin State House and occupied it for the better part of a month. Everyone celebrated and said, “This is what democracy looks like.” No, it isn’t. Get back under whatever rock you crawled out of.

I’m not seeing much of any improvement from a new year. God help us all.