Looking Back

I’m looking back on the year a little early–I just feel kind of introspective today.  I feel really good about the journey I’ve made in my mental health this year.  I went from vaguely suicidal over spring break to in a very strong place at this point after inpatient therapy, partial hospitalization, and intensive outpatient therapy over the past nine months.  Finding Trileptal to control my obsessions feels like a miracle after having been bedeviled by them for so long.

Understanding what had happened to me as a child with this constant cycle of wanting to be rescued from myself was a serious game-changer for my thinking and understanding of why I had the obsessions I did about men and has helped me enormously to deflect them where men’s actions no longer set me up for such a situation in my mind.  That may sound weird, but knowing I am prone to this kind of thinking has enabled me to think differently about myself and what kind of effect I have on people as well.

I’ve experimented with different styles of writing and trying to get them published and have pretty much hit an impasse on getting fiction published. I’ve submitted fiction lots of places and just have not had luck placing it except for my novella Looking for Home, which came out in Running Wild Press in October.  I’ve had some publicity relating to that, so that has been good.  And I wrote a good play that started as a short story for my playwriting class in another experiment with a form I’ve had some success with.  But I don’t know as I’ll try and do anything with it.

I think God is telling me to concentrate on my nonfiction and my possible ministry to people through my memoir, and next year I will go back to working with that material in the lit class on memoirs. and taking nonfiction workshop and forms the next academic year  And the academic year after that I’ll write my thesis and defend it and graduate.  It’s hard to beleive I’m really that close to finishing up my MFA.  2021 seemed really far away back in 2015.

I have finally adjusted to life without the older two around–it is much quieter and different but still good in so many ways.  My youngest is shaping into a normal teenager in that Mom and Dad are just not that cool anymore, but she seems to not have a rebellious streak in her like my oldest and middle ones did.  I’m looking forward to developing our relationship even more as she hits high school next year.

I think I’m going to break this post up over several days.  Hope everyone has a good Wednesday and countdown to Christmas next week.

 

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Sleepy

I am sleepy but trying to stay awake this morning.  I don’t know much to write because not much is  going on.  I go get my hair cut and colored this morning and make a appointment for my middle one as well.

We are failing at finding a time to see my oldest next year.  My middle one is going down by herself Martin Luther King weekend to see her and we may send her Christmas presents by her.  We can’t figure out a time in February because of dance and my youngest one’s birthday, and we were looking at Spring Break until Bob realized dance was going to goof that weekend up as well.  I kept telling Bob that it was going to take a long time before we could see her because of her.  work schedule even trying to meet in the middle and maybe now he finally believes me.

I had to run out yesterday and get one more gift for my mother-in-law yesterday and today I need to get the photographs for Christmas at JCPenneys and wrap them and then I should be completely done with wrapping and shopping.  But we’ll see what we can do.

I am vaguely proud of something that maybe I shouldn’t be–I did not want to go out grocery shopping this afternoon–I felt my time would be better spent at home doing calm things.  But I didnt’ have anything planed for supper.  So I went hunting in the cabinet and found a can of tomatoes spiced with garlic, oregano, and basil, some penne pasta, an unopened bag of shredded mozzarella in the fridge, and a box of hamburger meat I could thaw from the deep freeze.  So I have  dinner plans after all.  🙂  I am doing this more and more–finding good solutions to problems that seem insurmountable at the time.

I need to run get ready. Hope everyone has a good day!

 

 

 

FUN!

So the party went off swimmingly–much laughter and fun was had by all.  Six couples came plus me and Rachel and my den was filled up with people.  Everybody ate and ate up almost all the food so that was good.  Everyone thanked me for hosting it and made sweet comments about the décor so that was good as well. But the fun we all had was the best and main part about it so that was wonderful.

Bob had a good trip to see Amber.  She took him to a sports bar she would go to for game days to watch MSU since she doesn’t have a TV.  They have a little corner room where only a few people can sit so she would go in there and ask them to put the TV on the MSU game and watch and eat to her heart’s content without bothering anyone else watching the Georgia or Alabama games on the other TV’s.  He brought back a load of stuff and she will bring the rest this week.

So I do some running around this week and will see what all I can get accomplished before school is out and Christmas is here.  I get my hair cut and colored tomorrow and go see the eye doctor Wednesday. I o see MJ for lunch while I’m in town Wednesday as well.  SO I will have a nice balance of alone time and busy time.

So my mood is still holding steady and I am praying so hard that it continues.  My knees are finally back to normal again after my fall a couple of weeks ago.  That was a GOd thing too–I hurt yesterday morning going into church but didn’t hurt leaving!  So that was wonderful as well.

God is blessing us so much this holiday.  I hope and pray he is blessing you too.

 

Out of Ordinary

I dont’ normally post on weekends but I am so excited to get my computer back that I am going to go ahead this Saturday night.  I’m listening to Christmas carols and waiting for my Sunday School party guests to come.  I have about an hour-and-a-half to finish the last-minute stuff so we will see how that goes.  But the house is decorated and the party areas are still clean and neat.  Me and my youngest ate lunch out and did the dishwasher and sink dishes as a final prep.  So now we just wait.

Bob got to GA okay and loaded up my middle daughter’s stuff.  Then they went to watch the Crimes of Grindlewald movie in the J. K. Rowling “Fantastic Beasts” franchise.  So they have had fun.

My youngest is   not too thrilled with this party planning–I think she thinks she will be bored around a lot of grownups.  But I thik we will manage to include her and let her have fun as well.  If worse comes to worse, I will send her into the kids’ den to play on her computer by herself if she acts out or is too bored.  We will see how it goes.

I am so proud of how I handled myself with all te stuff-stuff happening this week.  I go see my hairdresser o Tuesday–too late for this party but in time enough to look good for Christmas pictures.  I pick up my youngest one’s pictures Tuesday and put them in frames and wrap them, go to my eye doctor on Wednesday and meet MJ for lunch, then have Thursday to myself unti my youngest gets out of school.

I got all my class books today and will start those likely tomorrow and read as muh as I can before school starts again.  It’ll be interesting I think.  Learn how all of this is done.

I guess I’d better run do those last minute bits.  Hope everyone has a safe weekend.

 

 

 

 

Ready for Party

I do some last minute preparations for my Sunday School Christmas party today–clean up everything, dress my table, etc.  I just changed a bad light bulb in the kids’ den so that was the last of the maintenance sort of chores I needed to do.  Tomorrow I will mix up my drinks–punch and spicy apple juice–and wait for everyone to show up.  We will see how it goes.

We’re going to be without Bob–he goes to Carrolton GA to pick up things for my middle daughter to move home the next weekend.  Then it’s Christmas!  🙂

I am enjoying my reading again.  I can only read with my contacts out though, so I am doing most of y reading at night.  But I may soon break down and get reading glasses so I can read anytime of the day now that I have all this free time between now and classes starting.

My oldest is up to her usual tricks–she’s is not-on-purpose showing up the other chefs in what all she can do.   One chef she was working with told her to slow down so they wouldn’t finish early–and she was overheard by one of the head chefs.  So the other chef got in trouble and blamed my oldest for it.  So she is shaking things up as usual. I told her to be careful who she made mad and to try not to show people up so badly.  But I know how she feels.

Waiting on Candy and Christy to show up so they can help me clean. They should be here soon so I will stop typing a get ready.  Hopefully we can get done quickly.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Double Sigh

I am trying so hard to hold my temper with the computer people working on my laptop.  But I am about at the edge of my patience limit.  And my heat has cut out due to a damaged circuit board on my HVAC unit in the house.  SO I am deeply irritated with all kinds of mechanical devices today.  I am trying to be so nice and restrained dealing with the people because it’s not their fault I’m irritated.  It’s mine.  I have first-world problems and need to keep remembering that.

At least I am finished with school and with grading.  I am waiting on my new books to come in for my class I’m taking next semester.  I am also done decorating, doing Christmas shopping, and am waiting on one more gift from my oldest to wrap for my dad for Christmas.  She has been so good trying to buy gifts for us even though she won’t be home for Christmas to share it with us.  We are in her debt for her efforts.

Except for the irritation, my mood has held up well.  I’ve started reading to catch up on all the books I’ve bought in the past months and have been too busy to read.  O started one last night called “The Jazz of Physics” which so far has been an interesting read about how a boy went from the Bronx in the 70’s to being a physicist and writing this book.  I think it’s a good story so far.

I’m about to go get some hot chocolate and see if that settles my mood any more.  Hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas preparations like I’ve enjoyed mine and has a wonderful Christmas/Advent season.

 

Last Class

Gave my final today and had a kid miss it so I am waiting around a bit to see if he shows up late–very, very late–but I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.  Had one student panic that he wasn’t going to graduate and I went ahead and graded his paper and he should graduate with the grade he made.  So that made him happy.

I need to run by Belk and get Summer my sister a final gift–she said she needs white towels and Belk is running a  sale on their good towels.  SO I am going to do that probably this afternoon.

Our heater is acting up so I need to get home and check on when the repair guy can show up.  He came by yesterday and fixed one thing but it’s still not heating the house like it’s supposed to.  So we will see what it is doing today when he comes by.

My oldest daughter’s big shipment of presents came in yesterday and I was not allowed to open it–my youngest did and brought me presents to wrap and she wrapped my present from the oldest.  So it is still going to be a surprise to me.  We will see Christmas morning.

Do my grading today and go get my hair fixed tomorrow and then relax until it’s party time Saturday night.  I am looking forward to just sitting around reading all Christmas. I went ahead and ordered my books for my classes.  I am taking two classes next semester–I found out that the lit class is illness and health memoirs.  I need that class so I can see what kind of contemporary memoirs are out there and how I can make mine marketable but unique as well.

SO I begged Bob to take it and he was a little skittish but said if I thought I could do it, he would go along.  So that is what I am doing next semester.  Once the books come in I will go ahead and read them during the holidays so I will be ahead of the game in that department.

I guess I will leave and just give the kid that missed a zero.  I need to be home working instead of just sitting around here waiting.  He already has an F due to absences but he can appeal that ruling so he should have come and taken the final to show good faith that he is trying to pass the class.  But he didn’t and I have not heard form him.  So there it is.  Hope everyone has a good mid-week and pray for me grading all these finals!