It Worked!

My list worked! I not only did everything on the list, but I also did three additional tasks and got to relax last night knowing I had accomplished what I wanted to throughout the day. My anxiety was still a little loud thinking of what I needed to put on the list for today, but I wrote down seven things again last night before I went to bed and promptly put it all out of my mind. I can’t believe how well it worked!

I believe it’s going to be another good day today. I am off work so will have plenty of down time to recharge my brain; I have a blog post to do for BPHope so that is on the list. I think I’m going to propose another topic on this discovery about how I can manage my anxiety for them. I am so excited about it and want to share it with other people. That’s always a good sign.

We have a good weekend planned. We’re going out for a nice dinner Saturday night because my youngest made flag guard captain and that is how we celebrate big accomplishments. I’m just glad Bob is feeling like going out of the house again. He has really been reclusive except for going to work. And that is so fraught because he worked with his dad every day. So at least he is starting to move out of his shell.

I suppose that is all for today. We will see how today goes. WIsh me well in fighting the anxiety again! Godspeed to all.

Good Morning!

Today already feels like a good day. I am going to be working on something fun for my job and that should be good. It’s intricate, but it gets me happy emails from authors so is very rewarding. I mean to work hard today and get a lot done. We will see.

I decided yesterday that since my anxiety from my bipolar disorder seemed to be here to stay, I would just have to cope with it the best I could. So I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish today and plan to check things off of it as I do them. So there is a visual record of everything I accomplish so there isn’t any “I can’t get anything done!” anxiety. And I kept the list under ten things so that there isn’t any “I have too much to do!” anxiety. And I have it planned for my lunch hour so there isn’t any “I don’t have time to do anything!” anxiety. SO I hope I can talk back to my inner critic and get it down to a whisper instead of a constant screaming. That would be nice.

I also plan to listen to good music and relax while working. It’s a hard trick to pull off, but I’m going to try.

Wish me well with the new plan. Godspeed to all.

Taking Steps

I took a few steps yesterday to work on my anxiety. I wrote in my workshop about my fear of the page; I concentrated hard on work and didn’t let my mind wander; and I set boundaries and enforced them in another area of my life. I feel much better this morning and will be working at the office today concentrating on that work instead of on my anxiety. I haven’t completely gotten rid of it. But I’m not screaming inside my brain constantly like I was yesterday morning either.

Had a very productive interview with a state agency yesterday about some of the stories I’ve been doing for MCIR; we have about three more in the hopper to work on but the meeting added extra urgency to doing it. I HAVE to try to make phone calls this afternoon and get more information.

Bob is having a very hard time. He is helping his mom get all the paperwork in line to settle his dad’s estate, and It’s hard on him emotionally because it keeps his dad’s death front and center in his mind. He can’t get away from it. So pray that he can find some peace.

Okay. That’s all for this morning. Pray I can keep the anxiety at bay today and can accomplish what I need to accomplish today at work and at home. Thanks for reading.


Finally yesterday I worked myself into a tizzy abut my anxiety–to the point that I had to take an extra Klonopin. I’m just not making any sense to myself. I’m anxious about all kinds of things but most of all about my inability to CONTROL my anxiety. Nothing like being anxious about being anxious. It just absolutely snowballs into a huge mix of garbage floating around in the South China Sea of my brain, clogging up every avenue I try to use to get away from it.

I finally got away from it enough last night to cook dinner, even though I burned most everything. But everyone ate it and no complaints. I just wish I could find my way to working better for MCIR. I feel like I am taking advantage of them by working so slowly. That said, I do have an interview with the Department of Mental Health about a series of stories I am working on about the mentally ill in county jails. So that’s a plus.

But first I get through the day at work. I have so much I can do! :). I’m looking forward to completing some more tasks there and taking care of some nagging issues we’ve been leaving alone until it’s tame to take care of them. We will see how it goes. Godspeed to all.

Nothing Day

So far I have slept all day. I got up for breakfast, went back to bed, and I just finished lunch. I need to make phone calls and do some writing for my workshop. But I’m just too drowsy. I think it’s a reaction to having to be “on” all day yesterday helping Bob cope with his dad’s death all over again. Someone had to be; absolutely no one called and checked on him to see how he was handling it.

His mom came over for lunch and that went really well; we ordered in Cracker Barrell in and enjoyed that. And our girls called to wish him a happy Father’s Day, of course; our oldest put us on video call so we all could see the baby and have a little pick-me-up. So it wasn’t a completely desolate day. He watched Fantastic Beasts II with our youngest and called that his present.

So today has been lazy. But maybe I’m fixing to write so it won’t be any more. We will see. Hope everyone has a remembrance today of Juneteenth, the day that the last slaves were freed in Texas by the federal government. Godspeed.

Actual Father’s Day

Bob did not make it to church this morning. He didn’t sleep well at all. I went but could not sit through the sermon. I don’t quite know why. I went out into the lobby and prayed for Bob there. I feel so bad for him today. I hope our daughters do call him soon. Give him something else to think about other than his own feelings. I wish I could think of something to get him out of the house and do something that would engage his mind some way. We are having his momcome over for lunch so she won’t be alone. We will see how that experiment goes.

I am starting to address my fiction project again in response to the reader feedback I’ve gotten so far. I am going to expand it by a good bit by adding another character arc and adding a fifth story to each arc. So I have a good bit more to write in June and July. I am going to swap manuscripts with another girl I met in my workshop and see how it looks then before I send it to a contest that ends September 30. I am trying to give myself plenty of time to work on it.

We will see how it all goes. I have work to do on several MCIR stories tomorrow and hope that I can get them rolling. We will see. Hope everyone has a good week this week. Godspeed.

Early Father’s Day

We went to see my dad for Father’s Day. Bob was sick with allergies, and I also don’t think he was mentally up to going and doing a Father’s Day celebration of any kind. So me and my youngest went by ourselves. We had a good time visiting and having a meal and talking. His present hadn’t come in yesterday, so I ordered it from somewhere else and had it shipped to his address so he will get it next week. I think he will like it. I hope so. I know it will surprise him.

We are having Cracker Barrell food tomorrow for lunch and Bob’s mom over to visit for a bit. We will see how this goes. It was all I could think of since Bob’s sister is out of town and I didn’t want her to spend the day alone, and I wanted to give Bob something else to think about instead of moping. So that is what we are trying this year.

I am kicking around my workshop work to see if there’s anything worth reading for my workshop people to give feedback on next week. We have worked through some interesting exercises this week about time and seeing how it can be manipulated in fiction. But I have a few more days to think about it.

I suppose that’s all for today. Hope everyone who celebrates has a good Father’s Day tomorrow. Godspeed.

Full Day Ahead

Going to be hectic today. A Zoom at nine, Tillie at eleven, and Candy and Christy after lunch. But I will accomplish a lot. SO I am looking forward to it all.

I thought last night I was going to miss the next workshop Zoom because I thought it was this weekend–but it’s next weekend. I hope to participate because it’s supposed to be an open-mic event and I want to read. I think I already know what I will want to read, but I will probably change my mind fifteen times between now and then. We will see.

I slept in today. I think I woke up when Bob was letting the garage door up because by the time I got up, he was gone but the garage light was still on, meaning he hadn’t been gone long. I missed saying goodbye. 😦 But I will talk to him again before I go to Tillie so that’s good.

I suppose I need to go get ready for my day before my Zoom call. Meds, contacts, some makeup, dressed, etc. Maybe I can make some calls. I hope I can get woke up good beforehand; I am still wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Have a good weekend and Happy Father’s Day to those who celebrate. We will have a hard time around here with Bob’s dad gone, so think about us. Godspeed.

Again With the Resilience

And yesterday was a good day as well! I finished mailing all the news releases for June and could put that month to rest. Now to concentrate on July today while I am at home. I got trained yesterday on how to do yet another task that’s gone undone for a YEAR. I’m starting to not think very much of the guy who held the job before me :). I hope he has found his niche somewhere else because he doesn’t seem to have been right for this job I’m doing.

Had someone from my MFA program contact me to do an interview for a story she is doing–I told her I would be glad to help her out, so we are doing a Zoom tomorrow morning. I have that, a meeting with Tillie, then a session with Candy and Christy to clean up some of the chaos in the house. Very, very busy but hopefully very productive as well.

Bob had a rough day yesterday. One of his friends from high school lost his father at Alzheimer’s, and he went to the funeral yesterday. Going to one so soon after his own dad’s shook him up a bit. He seemed okay last night though, or at least as good as he has been doing. He’s still not engaging very much on a daily basis and I feel kind of helpless to change it. I’m going to give him a while longer before I bring it up again. Maybe once my youngest starts school again he will come back to us.

That’s all for today–hope every has a good downslope into the weekend. Godspeed.

Ups and Downs

I had such a good day at work yesterday. I worked hard and got a lot accomplished with news releases, etc. I felt competent and in control. I drove home with a lot of confidence.

Then I went to Wal-Mart and wrecked my front tire on a curb and gave myself a flat.

God blessed me with a guy stopping to help me change it, but the spare went flat immediately and I drove to the Firestone place with it like that. But they were able to match the original tire and replace it. I just sat for a while and checked email and scanned the internet for a while. Then I came home, fixed dinner, and did my writing exercise for my workshop, all before bed.

What I’m saying is that I salvaged the rest of the day. I didn’t let that one setback set me back for the rest of the day, feeling sorry for myself and stewing about how unfair my life is. I picked myself back up and made it through the day with flying colors.

So I feel good about this morning, too. I’ve already read the exercise for the day and am thinking about it and brainstorming what I might write. I got up with the alarm this morning instead of lazing around. We will see how I handle whatever I face today. If God be for me, who can be against me?