f’m not sure what I experienced when I went to church today. The service was very, very crowded, and when everyone stood up to start the praise & worship, I just lost it. I couldn’t breathe. I went downstairs in the open lobby and sat there crying for a good twenty minutes. I hated not being in the service, but I hated the feelings of danger and anxiety more.
The missions pastor saw me sitting there and crying and came up to me and asked if I needed anything. My mouth had gone dry by this point, so I asked for some water. He brought me a cold water bottle, and that helped with the dry mouth and the anxiety. He sat with me for a while as I tried deep breathing exercises to calm down, still crying.
I finally settled down enough that I told him I thought I would be all right. I’ve had times where I’ve had to leave a church service before under similar conditions, but this was different in that it didn’t immediately disappear when I got out in the open. I am going to see if I can see Tillie next week instead of waiting for my regular appointment. Maybe Dr. Bishop, too, if it comes to that.
I don’t want to stop going to church or find another one. I love our church. But this experience was scary.
Not Quite Right 